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Show '87 Consumer Year in review By DENNIS HINKAMP Consumer Information Writer Utah State University What a year for Utah consumers. consum-ers. We pumped water into the desert de-sert only to have it not rain and not snow. Next year we probably can reverse the trend just as predictably predict-ably by having the state's population popula-tion collectively leave their umbrellas at home and try to make it through one more winter on their old snow tires. As a nation in search of moral guidance where did we tum? Seven-11. We emplored them to rid their shelves of allegedly pornographic por-nographic materials sold from behind be-hind the counter. In return, we allowed them to sell inspirational video cassettes such as "Texas Chainsaw Massacre Part II." Last year we let our pets get out of hand. The beloved symbol of Buster Brown Shoes and the Little Rascals "Petie" were revealed to he menacing pitbulls. If you want a tip for next year's gift sensation, invest your money in pit bull masks for dog owners who want a family Pet and a fierce looking watch dog. i On the other hand, the television airwaves have become so pulluted with lying, conniving hucksters that the only truly likeable product representative was Spuds MacK-enzie. MacK-enzie. Even he turned out to have a few dog bone skeletons in his closet when it was revealed that the light beer party animal was in fact a she. Who can you trust? Luckily the U.S. dollar carries the disclaimer "In God We Trust" because the paper itself is getting less trustworthy. The stock market and the dollar sunk to new lows. Remember when we were kids and "made in Japan" was ajoke? I guess Japan has the last laugh. The Yen is so strong compared to the dollar that some Japanese investors inves-tors spent almost $40 million for a van Gogh painting of a vase of sunflowers. sunf-lowers. Divorce lawyers are becoming more wealthy than the Japanese. This should come as no surprise since many of the best selling books of the year were about how much we hate each other such as "Men Who Hate Women and the Women Who Love Them" and "Women Men Love, Women Men Leave." How about "People Who Hate Each Other and Would Rather Read About It than Change." Things are so bad that the greeting greet-ing card companies have whole lines of cards that don't contain any verses. It's like they're throwing throw-ing up their hands and saying "Sorry, "Sor-ry, you're on your own." You can really tell that life in the fast lane is taking its toll when two of the biggest health innovations of the year are walking and drinking water. If my memory of caveman history lessons serves me right, both of these have been around for a long, I mean really long, time. Fortunately, we crafty Americans can make even walking and water sound glamorous. There are at least 50 types of flavored bottled water and an equal number of books and magazines on walking. Not content to take care of the bodies and lives we have usher in the "New Age" and Shirley MaClaine to convince us that we should be worrying about our past lives. I think the New Age was cre-ated cre-ated to pacify those of us approaching OW Age. Have you hugged your crystal today? i |