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Show TIIK SI'JCE OF LIFE MERRY JEST8 THAT WILL DRIVE AWAY DULL CARE. Husband Knew What to Expect When He Was Called "Darling" Good Scheme to Make Time Paas Away Quickly. Mrs. Noah Up to Date. Noah, fliiillng his wlfo weeping on Ilia quarterdeck. Iiniulred what was the matter. "I'm afraid people will aay our faahlnna time out of tho ark." alio aohlictl. "Never mind." be returned, "wn ran have the apes to dine with us tonight." to-night." Hea-aiired by being thoroughly opto op-to dnte, sio dried In r ti ara and went tlown to awipo somo plumes o.T tan ostrich. Why Sie Detested It. "Again." coinplnltia the devoted wife, " nin lold Hint you hove been flirting with that odlotia MIhs M unheal on the plnra." "Lnh!" r.-inria the gay hiinlinnd. thinking to ridicule the auapliioiia of Ills wife. "I ah!" be rrpc.ua. "It Isn't ao hud." BHHcrla l ie wife, "for a man to lie guilty, but what I detest la when ho acta so sheepish about II." At Home All Day. "Why wrepeat thou, woman?" "My lord will be burled thla day." "My wife waa burled yesterday. Tomorrow To-morrow I must get me another." Whereupon tho widow ahook the aahea from her shining hair, dried her eyea, and. looking Into tho fare of the widower, smiled. "I will be at homo to-morrow all dny," alio anld Smart Set. Wouldn't Poat Dills. "Dear, dear." sighed Mra. Nitllwcd; "I aiippoao I II have ,o Inlto thla re ceipted hill down to tho milliner myself." my-self." "You ran mull II, rnn't you?" aaked her huabnntl. "No. Indeed. I'vo aeen thoao large algna stuck up all over tho city which reati: Toal no bills.' " Still In the Family. "I deeply regret It. sir. but honor and my altered (ircutiiHtnnrca compel mo to release your daughter from her engagement. 1 cannot enter your family a beggar. In a recent deal In stocks I lost my entire fortune.' ' "Not another word, my boy not another an-other word. I got II." Fitted for the Choir. Taator Your daughter Is vory handsome, hand-some, Mr. Smith. Father Yes, she In. I'm thinking of having her Join your choir. t'astor That s good, la she fine vorallatT F'ather No, but aho's got a dovll of a tumper. A Great Boomer. "It's really aatonlahlng the busl-neaa busl-neaa succeaa that yomg Calliper has attnlncd, and he's not much more than a llttlo lad now." "Well, when you come to think of It, there's nothing better to boom business." busi-ness." "Heller than what?" "A little ad.'" The Biggest of Tips. "I tell you what," grumbled the Bjcaalmlatlr waiter, "piniplo ain't giving giv-ing Hps like they used to In the old days." "That's right," replied tho good-natured waller, facetiously, "there waa F.sau, for Instance, who gave hla birthright for a mess of pottage" A Wise Precaution. "I make It a point never to talk moro than ten minutes with any una person." "So aa not to toll all you know, I suppoae." Thoughtful of the Children. "I auppose," aaid Mr. Olda, "If I were to start smoking; again It would set the children a bad example," "It would, Indeed." replied his wife. "Its thoughtful and utiHeltlnh of you to riiiialiler Hint." "Yea, so I'vo derided to send tho children right off to boarding school, wttoro they won't see me." How to Judge. Finnic us You rant Juilgo a man by the rlothra he wecrs. Cyt'.nlciis But you can by thoBO his wlfo wears. It . t 1 4 "Have you selected a play for next H i. season ?" I "No." answered the sensational ar. j treaa; "that la a matter of some dif- i Acuity. I would give a great deal If I rould find a playwright whose Imagination Imag-ination Is ns fertile as that of my , press agent." Had Been There Before. B t4 -V- : i'. ''A. '.VivH.ii I.ovlng Wife Darling! I HiiBpl, loin Husband Well, bow 1 much? A Gentle Hint ' : It was 1 1 : 3d. "Yes," alio said, although tha remark re-mark seemed a little abrupt. "I always al-ways sleep well." Then iho paused and plaintively added In a hopeleaa murmur, "Waen I get a rlmnre." Whereupon tho youth, who had hat and softly stole away. Honesty Vaccine. "Doctor." anld tho wild-eyed young; man, "my wlfo Is a klepiomaniac. Do you think you can do anything for her?" "Well, wo might try vaccination." replied the young doctor. "You know that keepa people from taking things." An Infallible Prescription. Patient IkH-tor. tell mo something to mako the time puaa moro quickly. Juat now It tlrtiga so Uiat 1 have nothing noth-ing to think of except myself. Doctor Indorse a uoto falling due ! In three months for a bit more than your present income, afforda. Recognised the Sound. I I It wa her first ride in an antnmn- ' 'J bllo and she was deeply Interested In the horn Hint waa uaed tu notify pro- I plo to rlear the way. I "Papa." she said. i f "Well?" bo returned. 1 -j.W 1 "Muke It snore some more." '''' u Pleaeantly Situated. E "Poor man!" aald the lady visitor, addressing ono of tho Inmates of tho Insane asylum, "don't you often feul very sad to be shut up here?" "Oh. no." tho patient answered. "Tho lunatics who rome to look at ua are generally very amusing." I Sure to Be Prejudiced. Friend Don't look ao blue. Ton have a good caae. Jlmaon No uae. I'll loae. I know I'll loan. Kvery man on that Jury cither rented or bought a hotiao of ma when I waa lu the real estate bull-ncaa. bull-ncaa. Touching. Rlopay Don't you wlah you were Mldaa? Iltirrougha Who was he? Slopay Kverythlng he touched turned to gold. HorrougliB Huh! E vory body I touch turns mo down. Insult to Injury. ' Ho (reproachfully) Purhapa you forget what happened yesterday. I wns cut by my dearest acquaintance, Iho one I love beat In all the world;. In fact Hho (coolly) The Idea! Do you reully ehnvo youraelf? There Waen't. Tlcild He took several good sized stlcka and bent hla wlfo. (ireen I rennot believe ho could ba guilty of auch cruelty. Itidd-Cruelty! There wnan't any rrueity about It. They wore plnylua golf together. In 1905 A. D. Mrs. I'ptodato (to mold) Mario, you need not set out tho capsules for Mr. Cptudute'a dinner. I have received re-ceived a inarconlgrnm (hat ho will nut be homo until 10 o'clock, as his Sun- toB-Duiiioiitohllu bus bud a breakdown. 1 No Wonder. I Church What makes your neighbor neigh-bor so haughty today? Motham Why, didn't you notlro. ho wus currying homo his own buof. Not Too Much. Jtt A woman likes to havo her hus-: j band treat her ronalderululy, but not , ! ao riumlileralely that people will tuk her fur hla second wire. Puck. J It Would Cool Them Off. fc; Hewitt I tell yo, li', tuo ho, , to the theater. Jewell Oh, romo nlong; tJn i)iar will be a front, auywuy. 1, |
