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Show On the Sunny Side of the Street Oh, Dear! Gilligan, the Demon Swatter, stepped up to the plate. It was the last half of the ninth Inning In-ning with the score tied and two men out. GUllgan .gripped his bat firmly, dug his spikes into the ground and swung with all his might. Crack! The ball sped far over the center field fence, while the Demon trotted trot-ted round the bases amid the plaudits of the multitude. When the excitement had subsided a bit, a girl Oh, she was a beautiful girl. You ought to've seen her well, anyhow, any-how, this girl touched her escort timidly on the arm and asked in dulcet tones: "Does the batter have to pny for the. ball when he loses it over the fence like that?" No Joke. "I need a lot of new things this fall," began Mrs. Wife. We have to get a new rug for the dining-room and some curtains for the living-room. We need some new dishes, too. And besides, I haven't a thing to wear. I've got to get a new evening dress and a street dress and a couple of new hats, and I haven't a pair of shoes to my name and " Well, what's the joke about this? you ask. It isn't any joke that's all. A Close Student. "Thompson claims to be a close student stu-dent of the modern drama." "He certainly is close. I've never known him to go to a show unless he got In on a pass Nature Faking. X Long Island teacher was recounting recount-ing the story of "Red Riding Hood." After describing the woods and the wild animals that flourished therein, she added: "Suddenly Red Riding Hood heard a great noise. She turned about, and what do you suppose she saw standing there, gazing at her and showing all its sharp, white teeth?" "Teddy Roosevelt!" volunteered one of the boys. Acquitted. "The sheriff tells me," remarked a visitor to a western town, "that there hasn't been a prisoner in the county jail for over a year. That would seem to Indicate In-dicate that your community is unusually un-usually free from crime." "Not necessarily," replied the native. "We've got some pretty slick lawyers around here." Not There. "So your boy is entering college this fall. You're sending him to your own alma mater, I suppose?" "Not on your life: There are too many traditions clustered about my name in the old place. I wouldn't care to have my boy try to Imitate some of the stunts I did when I was a student." 4 Not Coffee. "What's the matter, Bill; you look tired this morning?" "I didn't pet any sleep last night," "Too much coffee?" "Oh, no, the baby doesn't drink coffee," Certainly a Jiner." "Is your husband an altruist?" "I don't think so," replied young Mrs. Torkins, "and I almost hope nobody asks him to join. Charley has so many unl- y forms noyr ttiat I can hardly take care I of them." i Popular. "Who was it that said: 'Let me write the songs of a nation and I care not who makes the laws?" v "I don't know, but if they'd let me make the laws I'd have some of these song writers In Jail , pretty doggoned quick." Suspicious. "When Bill Simmons goes to church they always pass the contribution plate to him before anyone else." 1 "Why is that? Is he such a generous giver?" "Not he. By passing it to him first they don't stand a chance of losing Anything Any-thing but the empty plate." 4 Effect of Tag Day. "You don't seem to flirt any more." "Cured." "Eh?" "Twice lately I tried It, and each time, the girl improved the opportunity to sell me a tag 'to help the war sufferers." A Warning. "What makes you think your husband is coming back, Mandy? Have you heard from him?" "No'm, but Ah jes' knows somethln's gwine to happen. Ah broke a mirror dls mawnin'I" y ' |