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Show I GOOD $M TWO NEIGHBORS. Two neighbors kept hens and qunrreli d because they MTutcheil each other's po'dto rows up. One sold his hens unknown to the other, who m .( l u a larpe run and fastened his hi us up, say Iiik: "Now, the first hen I see In my garden I fchall shoot." Next day he raw a hen scratching aa UHual, so he got the gun ami shot it, then threw It over his neighbor's rulls, saying. "Take your hen!" The hen was picked up, taken In. aud cooked. The following days the same thing happened. Still the neighbor took them up and said nothing, till the seventh came over and hit him on the bead. Then he picked It up and threw it buck at his neighbor, saying: "Kat your old hens. We are tired of eating them, and prefer a little pheasant. I sold my hens over a mouth since!" Tit-IMts. Helping the Horses. A man riding on the front platform of a downtown horse enr In a city where horse cars still run noticed standing beside him a tired looking Irishman who held a heavy bundle on his shoulder. "Why don't you set that bundle down on the platform?" asked the gentleman. gen-tleman. "Pure," said the Celt, "these poor horses have all they ran do to dr-rag the car and the pay-pin. Ol'll carry the bundle." Not In Vain. Henry never knew stairs could be so frolicsome and alpine until that midnight. mid-night. He had reached the turning point of hia perilous Journey when his wife appeared, armed with the well-known well-known candle and poker. "You're drunk. Henry!" she cried, vindictively. "You're drunk!" "Well, if I ain't," responded Henry demurely, "I've spent $XC5 for nothing at all." And he wept. Judge. A THREAT. miMA A- in y-M'-iHti'p ' i 1 will I 'in . i i I ' r " Mr. Hug Say, old man, quit that or I'll tell all the mosqultos In the neighborhood to come around and bile the stuffing out of you. Cettlng Worst. Tti nmn who awn to l-ri Won't ftlir many tilt a. IWnuae llmo Jimt Iner-cuiie Tim fragment-try bits. Thankful. Giles met an acquaintance on the street the other day, although he artfully tried to avoid blm. "Hello, Giles, dean boy!" exclaimed the other. "So glad to see you. I'm going to London next week; can I do anything for you?" "No, golng'a enough, thanks." replied re-plied Giles, moving on. Llpplucott'i Magazine. Strike Broken. Master of the House See here. Mary Ann, where'e my dinner? Slavey Theer ain't agoln' to be no dinner, If you please, sir. "What's that! No dinner?" "No, sir. The missus came 'ome from Jail this afternoon, an' ate up hoverythltik In th' 'ouse!" The Lure of It. "She chose a life In the ranks of the chorus, I understand, rather than become be-come mllady'a maid." Well, why shouldn't she? There's a great deal of difference, when you rome to think of it. between being Kancbon St. Claire and Maggie Peters." Pe-ters." Merely Unfortunate. "There is some dark secret connect-ed connect-ed with his son's career In college." "Nothing Involving moral turpitude. He struck out the day of the big match, with the bases full." Paradoxical Progrtia. "What's the beat way to get forward?" for-ward?" "Get backing" Matter of Taste. ll t never see your great friend. ' the baroneas, with you now. Have i fou quarreled? I Fbe Oh. no; but our frocks dont f well together Just at prewnt, ao we are careful sever to be seen with asch other. Rather Risky. Edlih How many timet did you refuse re-fuse Jar k In fore you married him? Alice Only c.oce. He seemed SO f!- i.r.d I was afraid to try It a ic!.i2 tir.-.e. I English Gcopri;hy. A irerrM-i!i- f'oin lima vi:t to Km:-l.'tiid Km:-l.'tiid l o t i-uiiiiie'r, titid wn l itre ihiced to it prufefsor fn in cue of th- K'u Hud llUiv..i.lliea lie met the AlliTltnt mill i :iKl: "I imt one (if (ur crib-ague !at summer. We had another professor from Ohio to l;-U us " , "1'ut I am from town." "Iowa, Indeed! How very Intercut Itii;' I i in l ine the other gentleman called It Ohio." Publlhhor's Weekly. HE HAD RIDDEN IN ONE. A 1 mk life I 14 mm Ntlson The Pullman Car Co. paid a dividend of 15 per cent, last year. llllson It would be twice as much If they made the porttrs whack up. Above tht Fashions. Thmifth train not any mure arm "en On women's nklrtu, pirn note. Nlvht wriira tli 'milium surmriits" still Of Willed I.oliKfellow WMt. Probably Shrank, Too. A young chap entered tiie water at Atlantic City In a 40-cent suit of blue Annuel. As he splashed about he was Joined by a girl friend. The girl flashed her bright eyea over the tumbling tum-bling expanse of sea and then, with a sigh of delight, she said: "Isn't the water blue today?" "It'a shameful," said the man, with a hot blush, "it'a perfectly shameful how this cheap bathing flannel runs." Resignation. "The court of appeals has decided in our favor." announced the younger lawyer. "H'ra!" mused the head of the firm. In a melancholy tone, "Case tried only once. Well" and he recovered hit equanimity by a great effort "I suppose sup-pose we must be satisfied to let It go at that." Puck. Exchange of Courtesies. "This man who wants board on credit cred-it claims to bo a foreign nobleman." "Show you any puoi?" asked the proprietor. "Showed me a photograph of a caa-tie." caa-tie." "Well I have no objection to you showing him a photograph of a ham sandwich." Needless Exptnst. "Father." asked the girl who was going to marry a poor man, "do you think I ought to take a course of household economics. They offer a lovely one at Hrlny Moore for $.100. "No," replied pater grimly. "You will get one for nothing after you ae married "Judge. Playhng. "When a family seemed pinched In circumstances the first thing we asked was whether a woman's husband hus-band played the horse raeea." "Yes." replied Miss Cayenne. "Now the first thing we ask Is whether a man's wife plays bridge." A JOB. 'A. a Vi 'v'v h Sfl I ' 1 i VisV n t 1 ' 1 ".vV 1 ' "X) V 1 1 i Vi 1 i ;it vY ' :. , Vyi, Mr. Landlord Pug Well, bow about the rent? Mr. Tenant Well, you'll have to come In and get It if you want It Slow Fellow. fh w a niori it ilniiiful miM, It- ( (rlln look. Pit fold t.l n lir r.,uM !. on klM, And otM nit look. Staves te Duty. "We have been Sfipolnted on the J committee to Investigate the alleged baseball trust" ta:d Representative Wombat "A serious matter," responded Rpp-resertatlve Rpp-resertatlve Wallaby. "We sba!l. of course, have to a'.tend all the games" Surprising. "I have noticed one queer way ta which nature worka with oppositea." "What a thatr "Ho often the rising wind means falling weather." |
