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Show finally, examine the results. If you don't like the results, it doesn't mean you're incompetent or incapable. It means you are using the wrong principles in your life. You may find it easier to talk to a close friend or your minister as you begin this process, and it may take some time to change the way you see yourself. But you're not broken, and you don't need fixing. Some minor adjustments may be in order, but then we are all in the continual process of adjusting. Very few ever get to the point that they are well adjusted. When we stop adjusting, when we begin to coast, we begin to deteriorate. So remember, you're okay. That's the best place to start. Confidentially: When we experience problems, all too frequently fre-quently we interpret them as evidence of our inadequacies rather than as necessary steps in the growth process. LUC Dear John Letters This column is presented as a community service of Charter Summit Hospital and is written by John Waterbury, Director of Chemical Dependency Services. John has a B. A. in sociology, a Masters of Rehabilitation Counseling and has been counseling the chemically dependent for over 15 years. Letters or responses may be sent to him at: Charter Summit Hospital 175 West 7200 South, Midvale, Utah 84047 561-8181 I By John Water bury i j Dear John, j I'm afraid there is something wrong with me. Oh, I don't look ! too odd, and most of the time I don't act too odd, but I feel odd a ; lot of the time. When I look around, everyone else seems to be more in control and together than I am. They are confident and capable, while most of the time I feel incompetent and incapable. incap-able. Reach into your magic bag of tricks and give me a prescription prescrip-tion to cure what ails me. Half a Bubble Off Center Dear Half a Bubble, You're probably not any more off center than the rest of us in this world. No one is "all together" all the time. Granted, it may appear that way when you're feeling low, but when you're feeling low, your perception is not completely accurate. The first step in coping with your "apparent" problem is to recognize recog-nize that fact. Fortunately, it is not necessary to be "all together" all the time to be comfortably functional. Let me share some bits of information that may make your ordeal somewhat less of a burden. Your self-concept (the way you see yourself) changes constantly. con-stantly. At times it may seem completely positive, and at other times it may seem completely negative or worthless. My guess is that neither is completely accurate. We will probably always have a good portion of both positive and negative feelings in our life. The relationship between those feelings is the important i thing. Sometimes it will be 50-50, and other times it may be 60-40 ; or 70-30. That relationship varies depending upon what we're doing, who we're with, and whether or not we are successfully meeting our needs. My advice is to identify what your needs are and examine how well you are meeting them. We all have similar needs: to love and be loved, to be important, to have some variety in life, and to have some measure of control in managing our lives. Next, identify what your beliefs are regarding those needs. These are the principles and rules you use to make the decisions that make life manageable. They determine which behaviors we use. And |
