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Show Muff (a Dog) Has Her Ideas About the Nobility of Man By DAl'KIIACE Virj Analyst and Commentator WASHINGTON There is nothing particularly strange about a dog guarding a batch of milk cans like the one in the accompanying photograph. You wouldn't be too surprised to be told that the dog knew who should collect the cans and who shouldn't; to hear about other dogs who go to the store with a shopping list, bring back groceries and even steaks in the basket they carry ; and you know all about the wonderful "Seeing-Eye" dogs which not only guard their masters from harm, but often appear to sense danger's approach. But the other day I had an experience with a dog which you prob ably won't believe. I was sitting at twilight on my porch after a long day and a COm-fnrtintf COm-fnrtintf rnnnl I wm riicrpgtinff mV ill III dinner while Muff, my wire haired fox, was removing the last vestiges of her share of . it from her beard. She was lolling In front of me on the flat topped porch-post, porch-post, her favorite resting place. She finished her toilet, flopped her chin on one paw facing me and winked or so it seemed in the fading light. A robin was sounding the last sleepy cadences of his vesper song from the recesses of an ancient maple. I looked at Muff. She looked back and smiled beneath her whiskers or so I guessed she might be doing. "If I had the patience," I said halt-aloud, "I could teach you to talk." "Oh, no you couldn't!" I could almost swear Muff had responded. She certainly had opened her mouth. I let my imagination run on. "Oh, yes, I could," I replied, re-plied, pretending she could understand under-stand me". "You've got the brains. How do you know that when I take my briefcase, I'll be back in the evening and when I tako my suitcase, suit-case, I won't be back for several days? You DO know, because you show It very plainly: briefcase, a couple of wags and a woof; suitcase, body-wiggles, plaintive arfs, up-Jumping up-Jumping and hand-licks." I went on cataloguing the obvious Indications of Muff's Intelligence, which far surpasses that of many loquacious human acquaintances. As I talked on, Muff rolled over carefully care-fully (there was just room for it on her perch) and yawned. Nut Because she was bored, as I was to learn later, but because praise of this type always embarrasses her. Sh will wag herself wagless at a "good dog!" for some stupid, fetch-nd-carry trick that even a Boston terrier could learn, but when one praises her intellectual achievements, achieve-ments, It always embarrasses her and she tries to hide it. "Well," I insisted, "It's true you are Intelligent enough to talk." Then I was puzzled. Distinctly, though in a breathy voice which sounded the way a dog does before be-fore he hat quite decided to bark, 1 heard an answer: "It Isn't that I am not Intelligent enough. And It isn't that dogs will never talk, but I'm afraid I shall never learn." I'm dreaming, I said to myself, but no. There was Muff, there was the outline of the maple, dim now as Die darkness gathered. There was L I shut my eyes. I'll .handle this rationally, I said. Just let things happen. I relaxed and was less surprised sur-prised to hear the soft, breathy voice continue: "It Isn't that there's any-thing any-thing wrong with my speech center in the third, left convolution of my cortex but, I want to repeat, that dogs never can learn to talk. . . . Gently I opened my eyes. Muff was sitting up now, her head cocked to one side, her mouth, or at least her jaw, moving a little, because even in the rrepuscule I could see her beard wagging gently as she went on: "Because, as you may know, we canines, and I believe this applies to other animals as well, have far clearer race-memories than human beings. You sometimes mistakenly refer to these memories as Intuition. That is nonsense. "We ranlnes picked nun as a friend and were probably one of the great facte rs In his domestication, domestica-tion, largely because we found him more malleable than any of the other fauna. And I think we have done a good Job. We have not bren harsh masters. We may be over-sentimental at tlmri, but you with VOIR maudlin sentiment, you frrqurntly Interpret sound, practical loyalty, motivated by a high moral arnne, as a slavish devotion. "But I'm digressing tthe voice went on) what I would like to bring to your attention Is this business of race memories. You men have lome, too, and you have something else traditions. They don't go b;ick as fur, but they are port and parcel of the same thing. Only many of your traditions lead you Into trouble. trou-ble. In the last few months, while you thought I was asleep. I've heard you and your high brow friends use phrases like, 'always been wars': peact never has been maintained except by 'balance of power'; men ore 'fighting animals' and so on ad nauseam (pardon the Latin but a Roman senator belonged to one of my ancestors.) Now I, with my race memories can recall more of them which have worn thin and been discarded dis-carded than your species (which I doubt will have a very extended destiny) ever will have. "Just an example. With little effort, ef-fort, I can recall some of the silly shibboleths which made trouble for some of my ancestors. It was back in the stone age, just about the same time when we canines decided Man had reached the point where be was ready for adoption and training in civilization. "At that period in pre-history we had advanced to the punt where we hunted in packs instead of singly. Our policy was still kil. and let be ; I ' -i j r ; l"-" -: A 'ffriMTMlfhi Til "We canines picked man as a friend and were probably one of the great factors In his domestication." domestica-tion." killed although some of us had discovered dis-covered its fallacy. We also had a long list of so-called hereditary enemies, en-emies, and next to the apes, Man led them all. "I don't know how many centuries cen-turies It took to revise that list, and accept Man as a friend. A pretty stupid and cruel friend, to be sure, but one who could be trained. There was one saying, I believe, which was very popular, but which the more enlightened canines knew was nothing but an old females' tale. It went: 'Don't trust a man any farther than you ran smell him.' You would realise the force of that If you knew how far you used to smell, "There was another saying: 'The only good man is a dead one, and even then you'd better let the Jackals taste him first.' I could go on endlessly. end-lessly. It took an awful lot of work to explode those myths. Almost as long as It did to get some of the cruelty out of Man. We've gone a long way in that direction, as you know. In another 10 or 15 centuries I wouldn't be surprised if ' we got you to treat each other as well as most of you treat us. Your wars! Ugh! That shouldn't and wouldn't happen to a dog!" At this point I sat up. Muff al ways had been faithful, obedient, and I thought not only my true friend, but also my respectful and humble servant. And this was going too far! Why this was Impertinent. My own dog, talking like that! I must have spoken out loud, for I heard something that sounded like a laugh. "Now don't try to bust your leash," I heard her remark. "After all, if you think I'm your Bog, okay. Somehow Some-how I feel that you're my man. So let's let it go at that and we'll both be happy. "I didn't mean to run on like this and I didn't mean to get dogmatic. dog-matic. I just wanted to say that I know my limitations. I ran't talk. Rut If It's in the canine cards, my descendants will. It took several thousand years to kill the race memories which would have dictated that I take a nip out of your calf Instead of ticking your hand. And, there's hope for you, loo. Maybe progress Is just around the corner" There was a sudden whoosh, a flash of gray In the night, followed by a parabola of fur as Muff left the post In one leap after the neighbor's neigh-bor's cat which by now was snickering snick-ering at her from the maple branch. Muff came back. She gave me a hang dog look and remarked through, her whiskers. "That Is one race-memory race-memory that I can't eliminate." "And by the way." she added. "Don't mention this conversation. Nobody will believe you If you do." |