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Show ClIU CLUB HEARS SATIRE ON PUBLIC IN Musical and Vaudeville Skits Are Feature of Annual An-nual Dinner of Famous Organization. - FOLLIES OF 1916 CLIMAX OF BANQUET Principal Characters in Jr "Musical Review" Are Vance McCormick and William R. Willcox. WASHINGTON, Dec. 9. Travesties on the recent national election and public issues enlivened the annual dinner of the Gridiron club tonight. President Wilson, Wil-son, members of the cabinet, diplomats, political leaders, members and members-elect members-elect of congress, publishers and prominent promi-nent industrial and financial figures of the country wers guests. Musical and vaudeville skits satirizing ! public men and events, -with members of . the Washington newspaper correspond- ents' corps in operatic and thespian roles, kept the guests in merry humor. The ! climax of the entertainment was pre- i eented In "The Gridiron Follies of 1916," a musical review revealing facts, foibles and fancies of the- hour. The scene for the follies was laid in Lafayette park, opposite the White house, and revealed as- principal characters Vance McCormick, McCor-mick, chairman of the Democratic national na-tional committee, and William R'. Willcox, Will-cox, chairman of the Republican national committee. Officers Chosen. Ira E. Bennett of the Washington Post was elected president, and Leroy T. Vernon Ver-non of the Chicago Daily News, vice president, of the club, and the other officers of-ficers were re-elected. Vance C. McCormick, chairman of the Democratic national committee, and William Wil-liam R. Willcox, chairman of the Repub-- Repub-- lican national committee, met at the din-' din-' ner for the first time since the presl-"Xi.dentlai presl-"Xi.dentlai election. By pre -arrangement they shook hands while the orchestra played the national anthem, and as they stood together it waa announced that they would work for "America first." Near by stood other Democratic and Republican campaign leaders. The Incident Inci-dent was staged with the settings of a prize fight, but after the seconds had been introduced, Mr. McCormick and Mr. ! Willcox shook hands instead of fighting. I Another surprise at the dinner waa the , unfurling over a balcony of the suffrage j banner displayed in the house of repre- i sentatlves last Tuesday when President j Wilson delivered his annual message to i congress. The suffragists have been try- ; ing to regain possession of the banner, j which was polled down by a page. It was snatched down again tonight at the dinner din-ner just as it was Tuesday in the house. Engage in Repartee. At the close ot an opening chorus sung hy a "Galaxy of States," with the theme, ! "Come, let us have a jolly time, no mat- j ter wlio'3 elected," McCormick and Willcox Will-cox were disclosed and engaged in good-natured good-natured dialogue: McCormick Cheer up, Mr. Willcox, the battle is over. Somebody had to lose. Willcox Somebody did. McCormick Remember, you've much to be thankful for. Willcox Yes, we lost Utah, but we saved Vermont. McCormick Never mind that. Here in the presence of this galaxy of states we can talk tilings over dispassionately. Willcox Say, I thought you said the battle was over. McCormick So it is. Tonight we are just indulging in a little caustic comment on current events. Willcox Well, If you're holding a post- mortem, what was the matter with New York? McCormick Murpliy, curse him! Willcox What will become of the Tammany Tam-many tiarcr? McCormick It will be an open season on tigers for the next four years. Here comes the wandering minstrel now. Tammany Enters. At this point the Tammany leader entered en-tered to strains of the "Rogue's March" and to felicitations from Willcox, who said he CMurphy) was "in Dutch." Murphy Mur-phy replied that he "took a gambler's chance and lost," and then sang: Forsaken, forsaken, Forsaken am I; The Tammany Tier Is turned out to die; I go to the White house And find the door barred. For Wilson still lives there And his heart is so hard. With the exit of Murphy, the dialogue between the national chairmen continued: Willcox By the way, did William J. Bryan participate in this campaign? McCormick Certainly. He supported the president loyally. Willcox Perhaps. But he must have had laryngitis. His voice didn't carry as far as usual. McCormick Speaking- of wak voices, the state of Maine had some impediment in its speech on November 7. From 17,-000 17,-000 in September to 4000 is some drop. Willcox But Colonel 'Roosevelt did not suffer from vocal trouble. His voice was heard throughout the land. McCormick So I noticed from the returns. re-turns. He helped us in the winning- of the west. Voice of Teddy. Here the voice of Roosevelt interrupted the colloquy, saying: "I am now devoting de-voting my attention to my duties as a grandfather. But my health is bully. In 1920 the country will know where to find me. My address is still at Oyster Bay." Willcox What about New Jersev? McCormick Hush, hush, we will' talk of other things. Willcox Well, how about Indiana? McCormick We saved Tom Marshall out of that wreck. Willcox That's so. He was running, wasn't he? I wonder what went wrong In Kansas. Kansas I can tell you. Two-dollar wheat, ten-dollar hogs, automobiles and player pianos. Willcox Do you think be kept you out of war? Kansas T dunno. But somebody got us out of debt. The national chairmen continued to comment, referring to the suffragists. Henry Ford and the lonesome "Demon Rum, ' who had just been thrown out of several more states. The "Demon Rum" sang a pathetic song depicting the hope-lees hope-lees future for "Demon Rum and his rummy crew." when the follies closed with the following: McCormick It's funnv, isn't it? Willcox What's funny? If. anything's funny, tell it to me. I need a laugh. McCormick It's funny how the world keeps going around, no matter what happens. Willcox Yes, but it will move very slowly for the next four years. Vaudeville Sketch. Next came a vaudeville sketch, the scene a theatrical booking office, with Roosevelt and Bryan, as "the Crisscross Criss-cross twins," Senator Lewis, Colonel George' Harvey and the other national figures applying for engagements. Roosevelt Roose-velt and Bryan were first tried out. T. R. The Victoria cross I'd greatly prize; The Iron cross I do despise; But if I can't the hero be. Some medals of my own you'll see They'll got the double cross from ME. Bryan - They got the cross of gold from me; The Nobel prize I've hoped to see. Now, humbly, bearing- my cross I come To say. "Tou shall not crucify the bum Upon the cursed crosa of rum." T. R. Say, Willie, what Is the difference differ-ence between what you intend to do to the Democratic party and what I have done to the Republican party? Bryan Well, Teddy, what is the difference? dif-ference? T. R. Tou intend to make the Democratic Demo-cratic party dry and I have made the Republican party sweat. When T. R. and Bryan had been ordered or-dered out of the booking office. Senator L,ewfs of Illinois, whip of the senate, appeared ap-peared and recited a long series of verse of which the. following are typical: Who guides the unruly senate bucks, And keeps tba party on Its trucks Who is. in short, the whip de luxe? Jim Ham. Who followed Hughes upon the trail, And tied a tin can to his tail. And put the "din" in dinner pail? Jim Ham. Who is the White house blushing pet The truly, only, one best bet, ' i Of ' the Democratic smartest set? Jim Ham. Not "Lost" Souls. Colonel George Harvey, who predicted the election of Hughes by a large majority, ma-jority, next appeared and was chlded by the vaudeville agent. Harvey said he was a lightning calculator and that he had predicted the first nomination and election of a "certain professor in New Jersey." Harvey Moreover, four years ago I calculated exactly what electoral votes i each of the candidates would have. Aent Wonderful. Have you done any i of the same kind of calculating latelv? Harvey (truculently) If you are going ! to be personal I'll not stay here and 1 stand for it. I don't think I want a job ; from you. anyway. The North American Review Is good enough vaudeville for me. i Good day. j Satire on Cabinet. Another travesty, entitled "The Ghost Skit," was ciist In a "spook court," with a court sitting In judgment on the astral spirits of aspirants for positions In the new cabinet. Spirits of Secretary of Commerce Red field. Henry Ford, Postmaster Post-master General Burleson. Colonel House, Secretary Tumulty, Vance McCormick", Frank L. Polk, counselor to the state department, and others appeared, all to be rejected by the judges. When the announcer heralded the spirit of Henry Ford the astral body of the Michigan manufacturer arrived, "rattling a lot of tin cans." Announcer The spirit of Joseph P. Tumulty, Tu-multy, secretary to ine president. Chief Judge Wien did you acquire an astral body, Mr. Tumulty? Tumulty About a week before election. elec-tion. Chief Judge Tou mes n you want to hold your present job with your physical body and get into the cabinet with your astral body? , : Tumulty Guilty, judge. Chief Judge Suppose the cabinet job only pays an astral salary? Tumulty Then hand it to somebody else. Both my astral body and myself are practical men. The spirit of Secretary of War Baker ! next appeared. I Announcer Mercy! It's the hero of ' Valley Force tlie Hon. Newton P. Baker. Cheif JuTise Gree tings. Mr. Baker, in the name of George Washington and his army. What news from the border? Baker Aw, forget that. The election is over. Chief Judjre What! No more plots? Then what do you want? Baker I want a job on the supreme, court; I'm from Ohio. Chief Judge Ohio was not close enough, Mr. Baker. What else? Baker Then I'll stay whore I am. I won't resign. i Chief Judge Does the president know-that? know-that? Baker Sh-h. Right under your belt, I'm nfniid not. Chief Jude Why don't you tell him? Baker No: you tell htm. Be a nfee judge and tell him. But don't say it came "from me. You know he Just might . Chief Judpe I know. He often does. Stand back. Mr. Baker. Polk Applies. Counselor Polk of the state department appeared In quest of Secretary Lansing's j0h. Chief Judge Why oven Brvan couldn't hold that. Polk T know; but they save him the Hiram Johnson. Chief Judge What's llio Hiram Johnson John-son ? 1 polk Ask Huches. ! Chief Judge We enn't find him. I Polk Well, it's a lemon, grov.n In California. Cali-fornia. Another sketch was a travesty on the special trainload of eastern women who campaigned in the west for Hughes. The Kene was laid in Kiddervilie, Kan., where tlie "Millionaire special" arrived amid town officials, townsmen arid native women. The suffingists aroispd the jealousy of the native women when the home men-folk followed the gayly dressed easterners to the train, and one of the native women, addressing her deserted sisters, exclaimed : First Woman Sovereign women of Kiddervilie: Kid-dervilie: Our men -folk has de:,erted us to trail after them stuck-up, goggle-eved. just-fawncey, shilly-shally fumps from' tlie effete east. Now, my idea Is to teach them a lesson. L,et us rise as one man I mean one woman and show them weak-kneed men who the real politicians are. As William Allen White said: ""The hand that churns the butter is the hand that rules the world." Come on. women; Dot a man in Kiddervilie gets a hot meal or a clean shirt until he promises to vote against tlie monkey dinner Lunch. When the returns are in you'll find there ain't nothing the ma ttcr with Kaneas. Come on, gins! |