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Show lli:! by BIckDrongh Will Coke make the National Register of Historic Recipes? Where were you when you heard about the new formula Coke? . Clearly, it was a turning point in history, as a great nation reacted in sorrow and shock. In the rotunda of Capitol Hill, citizens filed slowly past a huge, empty replica of the classic Coke bottle. In several cities, funeral services were held. In San Francisco, gays and straights alike marched down Market Street, behind a team of white horses pulling a caisson filled with empty six-packs. AH over the country, disc jockeys were playing "I'd like to Buy the World a Coke." Some radio stations suspended regular programming entirely, and spent their time spinning old commercial jingles. W ill the old formula pass away from the earth forever? Maybe not. There is still a chance! Citizens must write to the Department of the Interior, and urge that the old formula Coke be placed on the National Historic Register of Recipes. The Park City Planning Department has already thrown its support behind this move. Director Bill Iigety announced, "We are amending the Land Management Code so that the new formula Coke cannot be sold in Old Town." Once Old-formula Coke is officially certified, the National Historic Register of Recipes could also admit other great tastes: Old Nehi soda; the original Kentucky Fried Chicken gravy; the Arctic Circle famous foot-long hot dog. I have one other controversial selection: the famous Deeburger. No, maybe it wasn't fine cuisine, but it has historical importance as proof of how long a warmed-over hamburger can sit before it achieves petrifaction. The most important task, however, is to preserve the old formula Coke for future generations. Whaddyaknow will give updates as they become available. TRIVIAL PURSUIT DEPT: You've heard stories that some of the questions in the Trivial Pursuit game are inaccurate. I believe I found one the other night. The question reads "What is the universal solvent?" The supposed answer is "water." But how could it be, since you can contain it in a glass, plastic thermos, etc.? As the old question goes, "If you found the universal solvent, what would you keep it in?" (AP) Park City developer Mac MacQuoid announced that he will restore the old formula Coke as "Black Perrier." Said MacQuoid, "I can restore buildings. Why not soft drinks?" Meanwhile, Park City's prohibition against new-formula new-formula Coke in Old Town brought criticism from developer Randy Fields. The latest blow up came when the Historic District Commission said Fields would have to use 7-Up or old Coke in his Silver Mill Mall vending machine. Bill Iigety explained, "We feel a modem Uncola is more compatible with Main Street than an attempt to replicate Coca-Cola." But Fields responded, "We have spent millions of dollars to design and construct this mall to bring hew business to Park City. But the entire concept of this project was centered on the fact that we used New Coke there. . "You see, the only thing sweeter than the new-formula Coke is the Mrs. Fields Cookie. The cookie and the Coke go together. They're a blast. Everyone recognizes that, except, I guess, the underlings at the Park City Planning Department and the obstructionists on the Park City Council. This town can't survive on Dr. Pepper." "That does it! I'm leaving again! " (AP) Tragedy struck today for Coke fans as the last factory manufacturing old-formula Coke was burned to the ground. The conflagration destroyed the last reserves of the old Coke, in addition to all recipes and records of the drink. According to investigators, the fire was started by three drunks from a Michael Jackson concert who said they were in "search of some good Coke." In Park City, Bill Iigety said he was saddened but not surprised. "I'm used to it," he said. And in Washington, a spokesman said the federal government would probably drop the National Historic Register of Recipes. "There's not much on the list except some old Shasta flavors," he said. |