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Show Jiilk WMadldl'yffl Hick l,rouh There she is Miss America? As usual, Whaddyaknow has the inside story behind the Miss America scandal. The current Miss America, Vanessa Williams, apparently took part in a nude photo session some years ago, when she was a receptionist for a photographer. This was before she entered the Miss America competition. Nobody cared then about the photographs, which were of mediocre quality at best. But now the photos have been sold to Penthouse magazine. Williams had exposed her body, paraded herself as a piece of erotic meat and done so in a sleazy, tacky context. "Well, that may be so," said a Miss America official, "but we like the contest anyway . " Then someone explained, no, we aren't talking about the G-rated sex of the Miss America contest. We're discussing the X-rated sex of "Penthouse." "In that case," he said, "I am appalled. She has tarnished the fine standards set by the Miss America competition. We are demanding that she give up her crown, and then have herself neutered." We disagree. Williams was doing nothing wrong when she participated in the nudie session. No, she was led astray by the photographer who told her that she was participating in a preliminary round of the Miss America contest. He told her she had to strip for the new "birthday-suit" segment of the competition. Next.she was asked to pose with a naked white lady. This would be part of the opening dance number saluting "Friendship Between the Races" she was told. This segment was also important to score points for the Miss Congeniality title. The plan also called for Williams to enter the Talent competition in this year's brand-new category, "Massage and Meditation." So what does this nude spread tell us about Vanessa Williams? It says that she was naive and gullible; that she was willing to trade on an attractive face and body; that she was directed to utter dim platitutdes about love and self-awareness in a superficial attempt to present a personality; and that she was willing to do this because some man told her it was all right ! Said an Atlantic City official, "In spite of this, we feel she isn't qualified to be Miss America"! j ( More later about the after-effects of the Williams case.) , i In its Sunday TV section, the Deseret News pointed out it was often dangerous in olden times to criticize public officials. In medievel England, William Collingbon wrote in a poem that "The cat, the rat and Lovel our doggerulen all England under a hogge." The "hogge" was King Richard III, who had the poet hanged. The cat was Sir William Catesby and the rat, Sir Richard Ratcliffe. All three, incidentally, are depicted in Shakespeare's "Richard" which the Intermountain Actors Ensemble is staging at the Park Village ice rink. Come on up and see these three get their just desserts! Before he died, the poet's heart was ripped from his chest. Methinks "Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom" would have been a big hit in the 14th century. DON'T EVERYBODY RAISE YOUR HANDS AT ONCE: The University of Utah Medical Center is asking for folks to participate in a new research study, according to an ad in the Salt Lake Tribune. They're looking for "People with Genital Warts." (API) Actress Shirley MacLame has been asked to give back the Oscar she won for the film "Terms of Endearment." Outraged board members from the Motion Picture Academy made the demand after learning that MacLaine had appeared in "Cannonball Run II," in the role of a chorus dancer who gets Burt Reynolds hot while she poses as a nun. Said the Academy president: "We can tolerate just about anything. It's okay she told the newspapers she was guided by the spirit of Martha Mitchell in making 'Terms.' We wouldn't even mind if she did a lesbian nude interracial photo layout. But appearing in a Burt Reynolds road-race movie? I mean please, don't trigger my gag reflex." If you're not a nostalgia fan, you can pass on this item. But we feel compelled to note the death of radio actor Kenny Delmar. Delmar appeared on the Fred Allen radio show in the 1940s, and became known as the loud-mouthed senator Beauregard Claghorne. His perennial catchphrase was "That's a joke, son!" which became part of the national lexicon, much like "na no, na no" or "Would you believe." If the character sounds vaguely familiar to us baby boomers, there s a good reason. The Claghorne character was later transformed into the cartoon character Foghorn Leghorn the huge rooster always trying to gull Henery, the naive but very aggressive chicken hawk. Remember now? "Pay attention son, I'm talkin' to ya..." The prize for nastiest use of a Bible quote goes to T. Frank Nelson, who wrote a letter to the Deseret News attacking the Democratic Party for holding its convention in San Francisco, which he dubbed "The 'queer' capital of the world." The Good Book, he claimed, said it better than anyone: "Wherefore by their fruits ye shall know them." (API) Geraldine Ferraro may be asked to give up her vice-presidential vice-presidential nomination. Over the weekend, it was revealed that in the mid-1970s, Ferraro appeared as a "typical housewife" in a number of TV and magazine ads. They include the following: Ferraro can be seen in a 1974 commercial, where she is one of a group of women who insist on squeezing the Charmin. In 1977, she took the Stovetop test, and failed to guess correctly whether her husband would choose mashed potatoes or stuffing. "Why you dim bulb, of course I want stuffing," her husband said. A "Reader's Digest" ad in 1979 shows Ferraro serving a platter of Twinkies, Ding Dongs and Cup Cakes to a group of hungry congressmen. "When we're working on the food stamp appropriation, decide when they can snack, and then I make sure it's Hostess." In a 1981 Clio winner, she asks Mrs. Olsen, "I need help. Tip O'Neill is always making cracks about my coffee. What's wrong?" Hustler magazine also released photos it obtained from an un-broadcast un-broadcast series of "Geraldine the Plumber" commercials made for liquid Vanish. Presidential candidate Walter Mondale said, "I stand behind her 1,000 percen uh, I mean, I support her fully." Mondale also said Ferraro isn't the only one with a commercial skeleton in the closet. He showed a video tape of an ad with President Reagan in the Oval office, his finger twitching over the Red Button, as Robert Young walks in and says, "Say, why's my' favorite president so tense?" |