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Show I Adventures of, a New Congressman ,.,- DE!!TL "1 IVT, He Entertains Constituents, Washington. Feb. 10, 1LM0 My Dear Bill I've had an acute at-Mck at-Mck of norour. prosperity. "It. happened on pay-day. when .1 got the vouchor for mv llrst month's salary. Wo call It salary sal-ary down here-. At homo It's, wages. You know tho difference, don't you? Well, It's wages when yon havo to sweat for It, and it's salary when you get It without soiling soil-ing your hands. However, that's neither here nor there. I in trying to loll you. about, my attack of prosperity. It was a sort of swelling of the pocket book. My first move was to pav ray bills here That reduced the swelling wonderfully. After that I sent a check to tho county committee to help tut down the debt caused by my candidacy. candi-dacy. But the final and complete cure ame In the shape of a visit of a delegation dele-gation from home. How do you think it happened? Why, U all came about through a woman's ' urioslt.. A young lady called Eve I never heard her last name gave my venerated ancestor. Adam, no end of l rouble. Her curiosity seems to have been transmitted down tho ages to bother all the other Adams of succeeding generations. gen-erations. Well, of course, you know Jed Perkins, who did so much lo got me I he delegates In the lower townships. Well, his wife, Becky, has been reading about the president, presi-dent, and Uncle Joe, and the capltol, and fiio Insisted on coming to Washington to. '"o them. It is a well-known fact that all men are boors except when you want them S'9 are all women. Jed wasn't c uxIour to com-?, but Becky insisted- She tald the world belonged to tho man or woman that has seen It. and (hat she was dead tired of washing dh'hes,. and making clothes for the children, and pro- posed to have a. llttlo diversion by seeing a llttlo of the world So Jed came on here wllh Becky, and his son. and his two daughters, and bla son-ln-lnw, and bis son-in-law's mother, and I had to lace I he job of enterlain-' ing them at the seat of government. Jed, you will remember, is tho fellow who bought the chickens on the Brlgg farm. One of the village cutups asked him if he was going up there to shoo them down to his place. "What do you mean?" asked Ted. "Why," said tho wit, "I understand that, you bought, thorn on the hoof." Jed don't know to this day what, the fellow meant by 11. I tell you this Utile Incident so I hat. yoli will know .lust what kind of game T was up against when . was c.-illed on to entertain these folks. Colonel Bob Mooro heard that they wero coming, and he fold mo that It was thp opportunity of a lifetime for me. ' "Give them a good time." ho said. "It will cost you a Utile monev. hut thev will go back home and 'talk about It the bal-. anon of their natural lives." "That's all right." said I, "but how am I going to do it?" "Never mind." said he. "You leave il to me and T will attend to that end of ti I musl say that Colonel Bob Moore is- a pretty good man In an emergency. You know ho was the fellow that broke up a Bryan meeting In the famous silver campaign. The Roy Orator of the Platle was making a speech. In his town when Colonel Bob got a benevolent old lady to ask Mr. Bryan some questions, film looked so swet nnd lalkcd so nicely (hat the presidential candidalo walked tight Into the trap. She asked him some questions ques-tions which he answered with lls rcadv tongue. Finally she said: "Mr. Bryan. I understand your platform plat-form very well, but tho thing that is not quite clear to me Is whethor we have lo come to you for Iho free sliver or whether wheth-er you are going to send It to us by express." ex-press." Jed and hi? wife and tho members of his family arrived here on tho Baltimore &. Ohio. The I rain was about seven hours late, and the llrst thing I was called lo do was to buy them all a dinner at the station restaurant. They certainly did bring their appetites with them. Why, It was Just. like feeding one of those regiments that we send on to tho Spanish-American war. However, wo pot through all right, and then Colonel Bob Moore look thcin up to tho capltol and showed .them all the objects of interest. Finally he took them in lo the gallery of the house of representatlvofi and pointed out. the distinguished people on the floor. Thero was a recess and the only people down In the forum were the doorkeepers, the pages and tho pastors and folders. Becky Insisted on seeing Uncle Joe Cannon. Can-non. He wasn't there. Bob Moore was too gallant a gentleman to disappoint .a lady, no. he pointed to a doorkeeper who was sound asleen in a chair with his feet on a desk and the half-smoked stump of a cigar In his mouth. "There Jk I'nclc Joe," he said, "renting after his arduous labors. Ho if Iho people's peo-ple's hired man ami ho Is taking a wil-varned wil-varned sleep after many day: of awful labor." When wo left the cjipilol both Jed and Becky Insisted on going to the "White House, we look them through tho lower part of the building that is open for visitors, vis-itors, and then B"cky wasi determined on being presented to tho president and his wife. I knew there was no earthly way of satisfying that desire. There was a cabinet meeting, and iho rules of tho White House mado it impossible lo see tho president I hat. day. but Colonel Bob Mooro camo to the, rescue as usual. "Isn't it aggravating?" ho said. "No "There Is Undo Joe," he said, "resting after his arduous labors," one can see tho president for the next ten days." "Why?" she naked. "Why." exclaimed Colonel Bob, "haven't you beard?" "No," was tlio reply. "Why." Hahl Colonel Bob. "the president's presi-dent's oldest, boy has tho mumps and the Whlto Houbo Ik quarantined. The wheels of government had to. stop until that attack at-tack was over." Jed Perkliuj was so tickled at this that ho bit rut out laughing, and the whole party joined Iru It pleased hlni to think that the president's son was no more immune im-mune from the. mumps than the poorest boy in our township. Tho Colonel Bob. In order to keep them In good humor, told them a story about a justice of tho peace who lived down In his neck of tho woods. A fellow5' was brougbt before him, charged with being a plckpockol. The stern judgo gave iiim a. severe lecture. "J ought lo send you to jail." said the justice, "but 1. am going to lot you off with a flno of $20." "Thank you, judge," was the prompt reply, re-ply, and th prisoner, with, all tho motlohs of tho artful dodger, began . searching In his clothes for tho money. First, ho fished out a 510 bill, which was carefully smoothed nnd laid on tho magistrate's desk. Then ho went In his vest and pro duced a 55 note, and that was placed on top ol the 510. A second groping In his trousers pook-ls produced a silver dollar, and this, with sundry dimes and nickels, brought the total -up to 517. "That's all 1 have, your honor," be said. With a nolo of anxiety and Inquiry in his voice. The, spectators looked on with interest. in-terest. . The magistrate was In a. quandary. quan-dary. But, after a moment's thought, his face brightened up and. calling his constable, ho said in a stage whisper: "Turn him loose In tho crowd until he gots tho other $X" After leaving the White House wc got In ono of those rubberneck wagons and whizzed around a it the places of Interest, Colonel Bob pointed out the building where tho weather bureau is located. "I've got a great Invention," he said to Jed Perkins, who llstenqd to him with his mouth wide open, "and "I am suro that If It works out all right It will make me richer than old Croesus. T will bo o rich that, compared with me. Rockefeller and Carneglo will look Jike paupers." "What Is il?" asked Jed. "What Is your scheme?" "Weather," was the prompt reply. "You know there is nothing In this country coun-try so unsatisfactory as the weather. Mv plan Is to store weather and bring It out Just as It is needed. Wo storo beef and eggs and poultry, and when thoso things aro scarce we bring them out and sell them at high prices. Why shouldn't we manipulate tho weather? For instance, wo. havo a blizzard of snow and hail and frost. Pack" them away carefully until next summer, and thn. when wo have a hot" wave, wc let loose part of the stored blizzard. It will not only make money for the man who get.s the Invention pat-entcd, pat-entcd, bin It will also help iho administration adminis-tration I hat happens to bo in powr. Wc will keep the weather forecaster Just the same as wc do now. "lie will give out his weather predictions, only they will bo different. For Instance, say that It is a sultry Fourth of July. The weather man will come out wllh an announcement like this: " 'A blizzard of serious import is developing de-veloping over Texas, whenco It will move eastward, attended by snow and hall and rain in the western Gulf states and tho lower Mississippi valley, with Intense weather and severo frosts below the Gulf of Mexico. Tho weaiher elsewhere, will be below freezing point. The temperature will rise somewhat In the eastern states, and It will fall 'over the plains states and the. upper Mississippi valley. Marked temperature changes aro Indicated in all parta of the country during the next forty-eight hours.' "I don't know just bow it happened, hut T am suro that Col. Bob Mooro sold Jed Porklns a lot of stock In his proposed company. and I understand from hints that have been dropped since lhat Jed Perkins has been made tho agent for his weaiher syndicate in our congressional district. . . . ,. "Well, the Perkins family, including the son-in-law and his mother, stayed with mo for nearly three days. They have gone home now, and have left mo with a sense of loss financial as well as otherwise oth-erwise In fact, I am on the. verge of impecunious prostration, and for that reason rea-son I will have to cut my letter short at this point. Give my lovo to all the folks. "YOUR X-'NCLE JOHN " "P. s.For tho love of MIk anv more, of my constituent; Wnshinglon. Tell them any them I am slek; tell them Taxi buried: tell them there's an e measles and the gout In WosM that congi-ess has establiphedfr quarantine ronud the Baltnnp 'x station. Tell them anything k think of. but If sou value my. Ir and If vou expect to bo ronv . riiv wilf. keep them from cons i me. 1 i |