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Show 1 IHM f IIIIHIIMHHHHIHIIHIHIHIH I JUST A FEW ANECDOTES f 4HHHHIHH H 1 M H I The Dcecoy Half-Crown-John Porclval, Blnhop of Hereford, fit-tended fit-tended tlio Jivternntlonnl Peace congress In Boston. A lifelong friend of tho prc-lato's prc-lato's nid of him, with a 6mllc: "When Dr. Porclval lived In Birmingham Birming-ham ho went ono Sunday to preach In a vlllogo on tho Hurobcr. "Tho village church was small, and. only nun person wan needed to take up tho collection. This person, an aged man with nn Intelligent face, pnwicd up and down tho aisles with tho collection baskot, and. at the end, camo Into tho chancel and advanced to lay tho money on tho sacrament sac-rament tabic. Aa ho camo forward with his back to tho congregation, ho did a dreadful thing. From tho collection, which was unusually gencrouB, ho iook a silver half-crown, and this coin ho slipped qulotly into his pockot. "No ono had scon him but Dr. Perclval. Dr. Porclval was horrified, buc ho Bald nothing. As ho preached tho perfidious old man unt and listened with a righteous right-eous air. Tho minister could scarcely refrain re-frain from denouncing him. "At tho sermon's ond tho old man was tho first Xo offer his congratulations. " 'An oxcellent nermon, Blr,' ho sold. 'Tho pcoplo of Birmingham aro to bo on-" on-" 'I wish to Hpeak to you," cold Dr. Porclval. I wish to sco you alone. Walt "Tho old man walled and, aftor the llttlo church had emptied Itself, Dr. Per-" Per-" 'I saw you tako a half-crown from the- collection basket. "Why did you do "Tho old man smllod. " 'Is that what was worrying you, air?" ho said. 'Well, mako your mind easy. That half-crown has dono duty this many n vunr T l:nn It t n nut- In thrt lvislrnt Iilrst, and then our town's rich men, seo-Ing seo-Ing a poor chap llko mo put In a half-crown, half-crown, can't for Bhamo glvo less." " High. Life. A conspicuous flguro In this year's football foot-ball squad at Yalo Is the young Count Vallombrosa, do Mores. Now and then the classmates of the youth put questions such us these to lilm: "How many huudreds of years old Is "Havo you ever met tho King of England En-gland or any other Kings?" "Is a French Count equal In rank to the English Lord?" Theso questions nro asked sincerely enough, but the Count hesitates to answer an-swer thoin, for ho fours that their purpose pur-pose Is to rldlculo him. The other day he said to an Inquisitive young Sun Fran-"My Fran-"My friend, It Is useless to ut tempt to make sport of me. I know how you Americans despise titles. am wiser than tho young Duke of Middlesex and Soulli-"Tlio Soulli-"Tlio Duke of Mlddlesi-x and South-wark? South-wark? Do you know him?" said the San Franciscan reverently. "No," the other answered. "I don't know him; but I havo hcurd about lilm. Ho Inherited his title early and ho was u Duke when ho entered Eton. i "Being proud and arrogant, ho did not mingle with the Eton boys at llrat. A lew days after his arrival he stood alone In a corner of thu playground, watching the panics a little scornfully. "A boy of about his own ago ran up " 'I say, who arc you?' " T am th: Duke of Middlesex and Southwark.' ho replied. "'The Duke of Middlesex and Southwark. South-wark. oh?' suld the boy. 'Well, here's n kick for the' Duke o Middlesex and -there's another for the Duko of Southwark. " A night editor In New York was talking talk-ing about, the late Amos J. Cummlngs. "'When Cummlngs." ho said, "was beginning be-ginning his newspaper life lie had tho good fortune to attract tho leading editor edi-tor of the day. This editor look him up. pushed him along' and paid him a good "The editor was absent-minded and ho never could remember that Cummlugs's llrst name was Amos. Asa was the nearest ho could eomo to Amos, and the wise young Cummlngs listened In silence si-lence to sentences from him that be-" be-" 'Asa, wrlle a good,' bright story about ' or 'Look here, Asa, can you get up a story on ' or 'Asu, 1 like your work; 1 urn going to raise your salary.' Iune uay uummings una occasion to call at the editor's home. Ho was ushered ush-ered Into tho parlor, and ho laid his hat, gloves and stick on tho marble-topped marble-topped tablo that stood In the middle of "Tho editor entered and the two men began a. long. Interesting and important "Tn tho midst of their discussion tho oditor'B wife swept Into the parlor. This woman was noted for her tidiness. Sho i did not give so much as u nod or a look to her husband or his companion, but strode up llercely to tho marble-topped tabic, gathered In her hands Cummlngs'a cane, hat and gloves and, with a snort, threw them out of tho window. Then sho slalkcd forth ncaln. "Cummlngs looked at tho editor. Tho editor looked at him. Then, in a soft, apologetic voice, the editor said: " 'Sho thought they wero mine, Asa.' " A Pleasant Story. A pleasant story about Andrew Carnegie Car-negie was brought from Scotland last week by. a tourist. "At Sklbo castlo," tho tourist said, "Mr. Carnegie had during the summer a beautiful beau-tiful roso garden. There were thousands of red and white and yellow roses always al-ways blooming there, and the villagors wero freo.lo saunter In tho garden paths to their hearts' content "Ono day tho head gardener walled upon Mr. Carneffio. yBr,' ho said, 'I wish to lodgo a com-"Wclir com-"Wclir said the master. " 'Well, sir,' tho gardener began, 'I wish to inform you that ho village folk aro plucking tho roses in your roso gar-don. gar-don. They aro denuding your rosotrces, " 'Ah,' nald Mr. Carnegie gently, 'ray pcoplo aro fond of flowers, nro thev, Don-ddY Don-ddY Then you must plant more.' A Neat Compliment. George Grey Barnard, tho sculptor. Is hard at work In France In the town of Morct upon his decorations for the State capltol at Hanisburg. An American visited Mr. Barnard's studio stu-dio In Soptombcr, and. whllo ho was watching tho sculptor modolllng a strangO-looklng llguro reeled past ' the window a long-haired man In a velvet coat, with a bottle of wine In each hand ..u.u v.iuai-u in uio quiet street, took a sip from each of tho bottles and went on again. ltorVhat a QUe45r HIt2Ctacle." nald tho vla-That vla-That is tho town drunkard," said Mr' Barnard. "Ho is a person of talent, too. Ho writes vorses. paints a little, and has composed four popular Pongs. He Is such a -witty chap that It 13 dangerous. In con-veraatlon, con-veraatlon, to cross blades with him "Sometimes ho says tho pleasantest, brightest things. One evening for Instance, In-stance, ho was staggering homeward after an aftcrroon at tho cafe, when tho town marshal met him. n ' . ','ScV h.1rc' Caslmlr,' the marshal said 'why don't you atop drlnklng-lf not for your own sale, then for ho sako of vour two boys? "lour example to thoso fittlo fellows is pernicious. It will ruin their career. --n "Caslmir smiled, bowed and waved his hand dcprdcatlngy. " My dear marshal.' ho stuttered. Mo-de-dcsplto what you say. I intend to mako of my boys what you will never bo ablo to make of yours.' .'ST??1 ,s thiltr 5111(1 tn marshal, father.-" "r-mCn 8a,d Ca3,mlr' 'Ult their Hindoo-Eng-Hsh. Since- the death of Max Mull6r. Prof I rancls A. March of Lafayette coll ego is universally admitted to ba tho world's foremost linguist Prof. March has an Minlrable Bcnso of humor, and this hum Is permitted to reveal Itself often In his conversation, and occasionally In his clear and graceful prose. Ono of tho distinguished scholar's students, stu-dents, now living In India, sent to Prof. March last week an amusing Bpeclmon of Hindoo-English. It was an oxecrpt from a speech delivered In nn Indian court by an attorney whoso client, a widow, had been nssaultcd. It ran: "My learned friend, with mere wind from a teapot, thinks to browbeat mo from my legs. But this Is moro gorilla warfare. I stand under tho shoes of my client, and only seek to placo my bone of contention plainly In your honor s eye. My learned friend vainly runs amuck upon the sheet Irons of my case. Your honor will bo pleased to obsorvo that my client Is a widow, a poor chap with ono pest-mortom Bon. A widow of this country, coun-try, your honor will be pleased to observe, Is not llko a widow of your honor's country. coun-try. A widow of this country Is not ablo to eat moro than one meal a day, or to wear clean clothes, or to look after a man. So my poor client had not such physic or mind as to be ablo to assault tho lusty complainant Yet sho has been deprived of somo of her most valuable leather tho leather of hor nose. I am sorry to say, though the witness Is a man of my own feathers, that thcro are In my profession black sheop of every complexion. Until this witness explains what has become of my client's noso leather, ho cannot be believed." be-lieved." He'd Have Something- to Say. Sir Lauder Brunton, tho noted English physician, was talking about nervous ill temper at a reception that was given In his honor by tho Medical club of Philadelphia. Phila-delphia. After ho had described tho beneficent i-ueei 01 i-eriiiin urugs upon nervous 111 temper, Dr. Brunton said: "111 temper of tho nervous sort Is worthy of serious attention. It makes t many lives unhappy. I remember a mld-Cdlc-agcd woman, of most nervous dlsposl-' dlsposl-' lion, who told mo with tears In her eyes how she had once said to her husband. " 'John, I know I'm cross at times. I knuw you find me unkind often. Sometimes, Some-times, perhnp, you think T do not lovo you. But, Jolin, remember, when such unhappy un-happy thoughts assail you, that, If 1 had my llfo to live over oguln, I'd marry you Just the same.' " "I'm not so sure of that,' John answered an-swered shortly. The Hyperbolical Mosquito. John E. Redmond, at a reception In his honor, was uaked for his opinion of a political po-litical prophecy that had been printed In u London newspaper. .Mr. Redmond read the prophecy, Then he amlled. "This," ho said, "is hyperbolical It Is as hyperbolical as the mosquito story that a resident of New Jersey told mo the other day. "This gentleman desired to Impress upon me the great slzo and ferocltv of the- New Jersey mosquitoes. He suld: " '1 had a valuable cow in the spring, and usually I kept her In the stable, for the mosquitoes were growing In size and in numljei-s, and 1 feared thut they might do her harm. " "One hot, cloudy, humid day, though, I permitted thu cow to pasture In u marshy field. Shu spent the day In the field. And toward evening I went with one of the farm boys to bring her home to the mllkinir. "Alas! her skeleton lay beneath a tree, and on an adjacent fence sat a mosquito, picking his teeth with ono of her horns." " Down Below. Senator Tillman of South Carolina has thought deeply on the liquor question. Ho It was who originated the dispensary ays-tern ays-tern whereby his State controls tho alo of all Intoxicating drinks, The other day, In tho midst of an earnest conversation about tho South Carolina dispensaries, Senator Tillman smiled. "I am reminded of an old man I used to know who drank too much," ho said. "He was a lm fellow In other respects, and it was pitiful to see him disgracing himself and his family by tho abuse of alcohol. 1 took him to task one day. I lead him a long lecture on tho sin of drunkenness. " 'Water,' I said. 'Is tho thing. Slick to water, James.' " 'Well,' the old man answered, 'there's ! only one place In tho Bible whero a man ! r.sked for water, and I guess vou know i whero he was.' " The Beach Captain's Retort. Beach Capt A. M. Ruffu of Atlantic City dresses with remarkablv good taste. J Htnce. when he comes to Philadelphia he Is tormented by old-clothes men men that continually beseech the well-dressed to sell them their old clothes. A burly, big-boned clothes vendor with U red hah- sauntered along Chestnut street the other day. He walked at a slow pace, and every little whllo hp paused before a shop window. Thus ho kept track of the well-appareled. j Sighting a gcntloman of good appear- ' ance, he .would slip up behind him softly, murmur in his car, "Any old clothes to sell?" and then stop or move on, according accord-ing to the answer he received. Sj Capt. Ruffu was walking on Chestnut 1 street, and tho clothes dealer set him R dewn Immediately as ono with a largo a wardrobe. He stepped dlagonallv across a the pavement to the captain's side and, H very low, ho whispered: M "Have you any old clothes to sell?" Q Capt. Ruffu whispered back: & "No, my dear fellow; have you?" A Bad Use for a Good Thing. I The lalo Senator Hoar was a graduato n of Harvard, and In the reminiscent mood B that always fell upon him when he visited f. his old homo In Concord, he would tell ft many amusing stories of tho Harvard of rj tho past. I 1 Ono day In Concord tho name of an cml- Q ncnt clergyman camo up: I "A Harvard boy," said Senator Hoar. I "And even in Harvard he showed himself z to bo religiously Inclined. "As a rulo he was a good Greek scholar. Once, though, thero was a. passage In tho E Greek Testament that he could not con- a strue a passage wherein the words would Bf hardly have been moro confused and Jum- ffl bled If It had been Intended to make a puzzlo of them. Over this passago tho H boy labored a long time. Then. In despair. H he got a Blblo and commenced to uso It m ua a crib. ya "He sat at his desk with tho Blblo hid- H don In h!a lap. when an Instructor tiptoed at up and caught him at his cheating. frj " 'What book have you there, young m man?' said tho instructor, touching him N on tho shoulder. &j Subterfuge would have been useless w and the pious boy replied: ' L " 'A book, sir, of which no one need bo K ashamed,' " fa A Stock Actor. m John Drew's father and mother were H both on the stage, and the actor, coming 7 from so historic a family, has naturally a S broad acquaintance with stngo history W Tho other day ho was talking about HI prompters. 1 W "Prompters In tho past," ho said, "woro &1 moro in evldonco than they now are ud u hen stock companies produced a new Pi play every week, tho best of their per- ra formers wero apt to forget a lino now and ft then. Hence tho prompter would often bo H seen dodging out of the wings, and his tJ volco, prompting away earnestly, would M oftcner be hoard. Si "My father used to tell about a stock U actor who stalked upon tho Btago ono 3 night In tho Bweeplng toga of a Roman 3 Senator, struck a heroic attitude, said i -1 wa3 In Rome and there stuck, n " 'I was In Rome," he repeated, after a M long nnd hideous silence. 'I was In Rome 1 I was In Rome "lie wondered why tho prompter did not H help him. But the prompter, aa a matter H of fact, had lost tho place, and woa now 1 turning tho leaves of his prompt-book S rapidly and confusedly, quite unablo to H find the passago beginning 'I was In W Rome.' ' " H "Tlie ?.?.lor Bt00d stH1- ThQ audlonco be- I gan to titter. -J'i'1.'09 R?me' tl,c Poor man said. 1 and then, , turning to tho prompter, he 1 went on: 1 ' 1,c 13 RonS?"1 Blr' What W" 1 d0mff ln 1- |