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Show He Had It From the Atlanta Constitution: The poet Watson was city editor of the w Era. and Bard came In one day and found him hiding a suspicious looking black bottle. "I can't permit this." be said stern-ly. stern-ly. "It sets a bad example to my young men." Watson apologize.1 promisee not to repeat the offense. He had settled down to bis work, when his employer spoke. "Mr. Watson." he said, "what brand of whisky Is that?" Watson told him without looking up from his copy. "Pretty good liquor" "Very fine, sir." "Believe 1 11 test It." The bottle was brought out, and the doctor took a big drink and walked nut whistling. IRONY OF FATE. I I I Thoacht It orwiw. Heir Hopf frowned when he saw the ' suave young man smiling at hi tf-' tf-' bow. j "Neln! Neln!" protested the Ten-1 Ten-1 ton. "I vant no valtrinc mice." I "I have no waMxing mire today. Mr. ' Hopf," said the suave young man. I "but I think you told me your wl.'e ; had a ilther?" "Yah! A Sherman make." I "And she plays tbe instrument" "Somedlmes." m "Well, she needs some late music, and the suave young man opened a big roll of lnHtrumental airs. - 'She Was Bred In Old Kentucky!" 'I Wonder If She's Waiting!'" "Neln! She vants no luf songs." "Miss PhilapentV " ! "Nudding oriental. I say." "The Holy City! " "We hsf plenty uf hymns" "The Blue snd the Gray!'" "Dot vos blayeJ overtime." ""Hands Across the Sea!'" "I might take dot How mooch" "Fifty cents." The suave young man exchanged a sheet for the Teuton's coin. Some days ' later Herr Hopf met him over on the I South side. i "Hello, Mr. Hopf." greeted the auave ; young man. "bow did your wife like that musk?" I "Neln! Dot was a value repunsun-: repunsun-: tstlon. Der vas nuddin' Sherman In ! dot march." ! "Did I say It was German?" i "You said It vas called 'Hans Across der Sea." I haf a brudder across der sea named Hans." Chicago Newa. They I be Trick. He said he did not know how to p'ay poker scientifically, but his friends persuaded him Into the game. He played with varying success until a fat jackpot showed up. As the novice awkwardly fingered his cards be asked: "Are four cards with Just one spot on each one of 'em worth anything?" At this Juncture It would be the usual us-ual thing to remark that all of the Bank Clerk Say, Jones, eaa yoo lend me 5 cents? I've only a nickel In my pocket and they don't give transfers on our line. The Uilnm or Antborshlw. "Your remarks cu Hall Caine's recent re-cent Issue," writes a bank manager In the Isle of Man, to a London pen odical, "recall a conversation I once had with two old friends of mine, a farmer and his bninm wif hn lira ether players threw down their hands and let tbe novice take the pot without with-out further trouble. Hut candor compels com-pels the statement that these particular par-ticular poker players real the comic papers. With great glee they raised the novice out of his boots and compelled com-pelled him to lay down his hand. The novit held a pair of trays, a seven spot, a Jack and the "enter." No man can succeed these days un- within a few yards of Greeva castle, our great Manx author's residence Hall Calne had Just taken up his abode In his new house and I started the conversatilon by saying to - the worthy farmer and his wife: "So you have the great Hall Cain, near you now?" "Farmer and wife Aye, man. "Farmer's wife And what tremendous tremen-dous style they are keeping. It's amazing. "Farmer And what's he doing for living, Mr. ? "Bank manager (greatly astonished) What! Don't you know he la a popular author? "Farmer And what's that? "Bank manager Why, he writes successful books. "Farmer (with a fine show of eoav-tempt) eoav-tempt) Tbe laxy beggar! "I need hardly say," concludes nay correspondent, "that I collapsed." It Made film Wawi "Do you drink?" asked the woman at the door. Frayed Frawley looked at her reproachfully. re-proachfully. "You see me. don't you?" he said. "Yes," she replied, somewhat surprised. sur-prised. "Y'ou see my patched and tattered clothes?" "Yes." "And my busted-out shoes and all that?" "Yes." less he keeps up with the newspaper humorists. Even the vaudeville artists ar-tists must do it Omaha World Herald. Her-ald. Worth Trying. Dlddler Do you think your tailor would trust me with a suit of clothes, old man? Robinson (dubiously) Does he know you? Dlddler No. Robinson Oh, then he might Try him. New York Te'egraph. Lert tha Dnrtnr lo boabt. Dr. Jones My dear sir, I have Just .been to call on your wife's mother, and her condition is very serious. Smith Tell me the plain truth, doctor. doc-tor. Am I to fear for the best, or hope for the worst? Brooklyn Life. A ( Inr Caar. "What do you mean by saying music Injured your health?" "Why, that girl next door pounds l her piano so late that we have to go to bed with all our windows shut" Detroit Free Press. IN LITERAL FUTURE. Ana i am t working an automobile automo-bile nor driving a fast horse, am ir "No." "Don't look as If I'd saved up money and bought a summer place, do IT" "No." "And yet you ask me If I drinkl ay! Y'ou make me weary. How much more evidence do you needr Chicago Post Philosopher And now, after having hav-ing reviewed all philosophy with yoa. there Is only one law that I can lay down for your guidance. Student What Is that? Phllosopher-When you -are sore you are right, you should suspect that you are wrong. Life. "" l (ipu.l Dicky, whenever you aee an Insect or a bug in trouble you must be mer-tlful mer-tlful and help him out" 'But. ma, 7 Aun' Jane gets a plncn-ln plncn-ln bug down her neck mus' I belt th bug or help Ann' Jane?"-Indla-apohs Journal. Probably the love of the angels fr men 1. as tender and sweet aa th ove ol an old maid for the ne mlay lstar. "Come Fly with Me." Khadaa of rrllr "So Dobbs convinced you by hia arguments, ar-guments, eh?" "I don't know whether I vlnced or whether be wore me out"-Chicago out"-Chicago Record. |