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Show ;j i A Line o' Type cr Two i I ! 1 i "Fay ro que vouldrns. j " BY B. L. T. Lays of tho Ancient inc. "al'.-ii rosiis nf ('"old milium Liv ihe I'rnol'roum Go! be swore ThrU the i-'P'iLl Line of Tribunum SiiouM Lil'for 1t.k oiu:ri im mure. Hv th : 'omnia Guiis he swore it, j 1 In a tr.:lv Martini lay. ! (or If hu (iHln't, I'. . S. j ! iJhjs J. S. W. did. I p'.icss. ' : And ltiri now fills tho Truy. ! 1 For up ppviks brash Riquariu3 j T' the Consul of the Line: I '"Hiyonfl the Hrtde Cal shall not pass, : The preat Pons Asinine. I For For us on niv rihl hand With pkUIetH Fkflif'ilv fights. Whllo to my left P. D. S. full deft i'ondcrcjus Philippics writes." "Rlquarlus," quoth the Consul, "As thou say est, let It be." And straight against the CalcHrose Typewrote the dauntless Three. (Professors in Prof's quarrel Spare neither noun or verb, Adverb nor phrase, nor night nor days, In cooperative blurb.) i Rkpuarius. j Of late the kaiser's talk is said to be marked by a strong religious tendency. : It is hard to imagine Wilhelm gotilnff a ly more relitjtop than he bxul. When ! one is in partnership with Gott, with Gott j as junior partner, the ultimate in religious re-ligious would seem to be reached. Speaking of intimates. Sir: The very last word in mothers is one who hangs a thermometer In the hood of the baby carriage so she can tell whether the baby's cover Ins is too heavy or too Usht. B.. "W. S. A batch of blueberry pies in Portland, Mo., lay around so lonp that tlie filling developed a kick and when the news &ot about the pies were eagerly sought. Ain't nature wonderful! There are possibilities in the swill bucket, too. The Ancient If Not Hoyal Game. (From the Mt. Pleasant (la.) News.) The Webster street Horseshoe club is attracting quite a bit of attention from uptown lovers of the game. A banker, a contractor, one or two hardware merchants mer-chants frequently join lnT.be sport. Home closely contested games have been fought to a finish, the pegs are forty-one feet apart. Ro interested have some of the wives become that secretly they practice in the morning. JN'eedless to say they do not leave the pegs forty-one feet apart. There is no better game than quoitc, its exercise is not excessive, but stimulating, and the competition in pairs is a partnership that adds greatly to . the Interest in the game. It is an ancient and friendly sport, and there is none more popular with men. "'I am a party man," Sonntor Page told the president, 'and as a party man I am essentially an -American.' ". . Quod erat demonstrandum. Almost as q. e. d. as to say that, being an' American, Senator Sen-ator Page Is essentially a party man. The Ell Family. Sir: T note a contribution from Watt Tell. This s evidently the w. k. Texan, Watt T. Kll, son of old man Hardlss F,ll. Watt T. Ell married Miss Eukan Gota, the noted platform orator, Kukan Gota Kll. They have two sons and two daughters. daugh-ters. The elder daughter, Hoona Kll, married a man named Aryoo and is the celebrated bullshevette, Hoona Kll Aryoo. The younger daughter. Whalrna, ran off with a man named Shegoe and has not been heard of since, except for a telegram tele-gram announcing her marriage and signed Whairna Kll Shegoe. The sons are overseas with the American army. The elder. Major liotiss Ell, recently married mar-ried Frauleln Weenie Wursen, whose visiting vis-iting cards now read, "Mrs. Weenie Wursen Wur-sen Ell." SMART S. ELL. i Chas. M. Kopp is the sheriff at Shako-pee, Shako-pee, Minn. Or, if you wish to sing It Bold as a Nubian lion is he, Kopp the sheriff of Shakopee. The Lemon Pickers. Sir: Partial history of a claim for additional ad-ditional travel pay: March 3 Filed claim In form of personal per-sonal letter to zone finance office. April 21 Letter returned with request that claim be filed on proper blank. April 25 Claim filed on proper blank, supported by copy of discharge. In absence ab-sence of recruiting officer the Red Cross furnished all material. Signature witnessed wit-nessed by notary. June ?5 All papers returned because : they did not bear rccrufting officer's signature. sig-nature. Found this person had left the ; city the preceding- day. Juno 27 Lost all papers pertaining to claim, but later recovered them. July 1 Recruiting officer returned. Claim filed In proper form. July 10 Received check for $17.50. but bank refuses to honor it because it lacks signature. OUTALUCK. Any War Tax? (From the Pellflower News.) Lee Smith, Charles Hensley and Elmer Day went to Farmer City Sunday morning, morn-ing, where they purchased themselves three ladies and then started on a trip to Starved Rock. After making the circuit cir-cuit they arrived home early Monday morning. " , As most of the officers In the German army were "hard-boiled," It Is doubtful whether any of them ever acquired a sobriquet of that sort. j The Michigan editor wiio has suspend- ed his paper while he takes a vacation I evidently believes, with us, that the mer- : j clt'ul editor Is merciful to his readers. You know that the Prince of Wales ! i is to visit the United States. Rut do ! you know what his given name is? I ! Neither can we. I |