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Show 1 ' Coast prodt ices a rival to Ping Bodie, " quoth a headline. We hereby here-by assert that the, statement above is Without foundation. There is only one I'mg Bodie. THE MARTYR. Why doesn 't the boas come across with the typewriter he promised to shove into my new desk far from the maddening crowd 's ignoble questions? ques-tions? The door is marked Two Hundred Twenty-three Come in and hand your questions unto me. Are you troubled with the gout? Come to me. Do you want your teeth pulled out? Come to me. Do you waiit the latest dope un a recenr- wniie mao s nope, Or a rafter and a rope? Come to me, 223. Do you crave the baseball score? Come to me. Are your bunions growing sore? Come to me. Do vou want to know how far Oshkosh is from Zanzibar, Or who builds the Hoosit car? Come to me, 223. Are you puzzled by the war? Come to me. Want to know what it is for? Come to me. Do you plan a college course? Do you want to buy a horse? Are you thinking of divorce? Come to me, 223. Do you want the age of Cobb? Come to me. When did Lincoln hold his job? Come to me. Where's Napoleon Lajoie? Where's the road to Mandalay? Where did Barnum pass away? Come to me, 0f3 Do you care for golfing news? Come to me. Or the price of tenuis shoes? j Come to me. Do yon crave a. wrestling stunt Or, perhaps, a hit or bunt? Or, perchance, you like to hunt? Come to me, 223.' I am always glad to please; Come to me. Though the draft may make you sneeze, Come to me. When so many goggle-eyed Sapheads roam the countryside It is sweet to be a guide Come to me, 223. AN APOLOGY. 1 Oh, faithful chair! I rudely bawled ; you out. j I said you had a spavin and the gout. ( I swore you had the measles and the 1 Pip, I The leprosy, the typhus and the grip. ! I wrote that you were crippled, halt ' and lame, And cast aspersions on your ancient name, And even had cartoonists fling their ' ink i To put your reputation on the blink, j But, though I knocked and panned you : wantonly, ! I know full well that you are true to ' me. ; Lord bless and keep you, faithful office of-fice chair! Today I find you calmly waiting there. ; We have learned recently that ad- . vertising does not always pay. Nevertheless Nev-ertheless wc shall take another chance: ; THE HEAVENS WEEP. (But not the ball players.) j "Rain on I Rain on!" the players say : When clouds are dark and low, ; "For we are drawing big league pay To watch a movie show." i I J. Montmorency . McGoogan, the wealthy baseball magnate, was standing stand-ing in the rain gazing at his empty park. "Ten years ago," he ruminated; "ten years ago, when I owned a farm in Kansas, I prayed for rain. Evidently Evident-ly the message was delayed." |