OCR Text |
Show Aof y'usf n foe comics Newspapers provide humor If you want a dash of humor in your life, you don't have to watch television comedies... All you have to do is scan the newspaper for a daily dose of unintended chuckles. In the past, for instance, I've collected the following laughers: X . . . Cyclops BRYAN GRAY Columnist The Case of the Cruel LegislatorThe director of the Weber-Morgan Council for the Prevention of Child Abuse screamed that she was going to "get in touch with Rep. Rob Bishop's school board to make sure board members knew what kind of teacher they have working for them. What did the evil Mr. Bishop do? Did he entice little children into the hall closet? Did he break a poor student's nose for having a No. 2 pencil? No! All the dastardly guy did was vote against the woman's precious corporal punishment bill which he thought would destroy needed discipline in the public schools. As a teacher, Bishop knows that sometimes an unruly student needs something more forceful than a pat on the back-and 44 other legislators agreed with him. But that was enough to spark the misguided woman into threatening him with the loss of his job. The Case of the Burned-Out Comedian-Former humorist Dick Gregory told a Utah college audience that Pres. George Bush is "a hood, a thug, an animal, an evil old man, ungodly and unspiritual" for sending troops to liberate Kuwait. In creating the Bush "resume," Gregory forgot to mention what a great guy Saddam Hussein is. Dick Gregory is a jokeeven if he doesn't tell them anymore. The Case of Restaurant BriberyRep. Lyle Hilly ard voted against a bill allowing a representative from a winery to provide informational sales material to restaurant res-taurant owner. The liquor rep, he said, could actually "bribe" the restaurant owner into offering his product to the customer. Hilly ard apparently doesn't believe that restaurant owners-or businessmen in general-have very high ethics. But he also failed to consider the ramifications of his vote. If it's possible for a wine salesmen to 'bribe" the owner, is it not also possible for the french fry salesmen to offer similar incentive? After all, Utah restaurants sell a lot more french fries than they do Idaho Reisling-and yet Hillyard is seemingly not concerned con-cerned with the behavior of the french fry guys, the produce merchants or the hamburger salesmen. Hillyard is only antagonistic to those jokers who sell grapes! The list could go on and on. There is humor in the daily and weekly newspapers and not all of it is contained con-tained in the comic section. The Case of the Scholarly Student-A 19-year old deaf student told members of the Utah Legislature that they should pass a bill allowing handicapped students to play high school sports until they reach 20 years of age. The current 18-year-old age limit, he said, discriminates against handicapped students who often are ' 'held back' ' in school for treatment The bill makes sensebut not the student's rationale. The young man argued that he didn't want to attend school if he were ineligible for football or wrestling; furthermore, he said, his dropping out would "harm my chances for a college scholarship." Let's get this straight: One minute the kid wants to drop out of high school-and the next moment he is clamoring for a university scholarship. So much for educational ed-ucational schizophrenia. The Case of the Bad Check Writer-An advocate for the poor testified against a legislative bill which allow suffer monetary penalties for the growing number of people who purposefully write bad checks. His reasoning reason-ing went something like this: "It's unfair to the poor people since they are the ones who most likely write bad checks. You shouldn't penalize them for it since the reason they write back checks is that they have no money." So how do you stop a person from writing a bad check? The man had no solution. But using his type of reasoning, I submit the following: We should not imprison im-prison rapists either since their incarceration would only deny them the very "female companionship" they were seeking in the first place. |