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Show What's a Bird Gonna Swear Off of New Yrs.? 55 0 3 & S 3 Govt. Has Grabbed All Our Chances-to Resolve Pointed Hints for Railroads and Passengers Ey King W. Lardner. I AM not betraying no confidants When I say that the comelng Thursday is New Yrs. In most states and the banks and a great many of the saloons will be closed witch Is generally known, but It may come like a surprise to some of my genial readers that the govt, all most done away with New Yrs. this time on ecct. of they not being much left to sweir off of so what was the use of havelng It they said. But then they happened to remember re-member that most of the other months of the yr. starts with the first and it wouldn't hardly be fair to January to make It start with the 2d. and besides it would mess up the week to take a Thursday Thurs-day out of it so after all they's ROing to be a New Yrs. and Its everybodys duty to hurry and decide what resolutions they are going to make. Personally I am up against a tougn proposition, as it is mighty hard for a man to cut out bad habits when he hasn t got none left and is nearly perfect all readv you might say but that don't pre-vent'a pre-vent'a man from comelng to other peoplea rescues and telling them what habits they could swear off of and benefit not only themselves but their friends. FOR Instants they's a man in the Bronlx i in N. Y. city who I won't mention his name here as I don't know It but he wears a pollcemens suit and he lives In a l room house In Bronlx park and he IB home every night and the house stands in a kind of a fork In the road that runs from Fordham over to the Boston road and everv time you drive past there going home and trv to drive up tho left fork witch is a whole lot shorter this man comes running out of his house like a mad man and hollers get over there on the right road even to strangers. This habit makes a person kind of nervous and sick and sometimes you don't get over it all the wav home. And this man is a big strong healthy man that looks like he la big and strong enough to bust himself of .. v.i.it he cmrld do it If he tried and I wished he would try and we would all have a better time and get home a little earlier in the bargain. Then they's a woman that lives in New Rochellc that has got the habit. of finding find-ing out what nights a person Is going to take the 11:30 out of the Grand center station and on these here nights she al-wavs al-wavs takes that train herself though its aiwavs crowded and they's more passengers passen-gers 'on it than seats but she always comes right up and stands by your seat instead of standing bv somebodys elsea seat and she stands there all the way to Xew Rocheilo unlest they's somebody with a seat that gets off at Mt. Yerr.on. woman like this could have just as good a time if she would gi t the halt of spending her evenings in New Kochelle and going to the pictures or something wiiere she would be sure of getting a seat and not half to stand up In front of a innocent man's seat on the train and kind of look like she wished you would get up and stretch for 15 miles or something. some-thing. SPEAKINC, about this same train they's a guy on 1: with a conductor's suit that lias got a nasty habit that I wished he would try and bust himself of it and people would fel more friendly tords him. If a person lives In Conn, they can't buy themseifs a famlv ticket to and fro N. Y. city and hack on acct. of Conn, not being in N. Y. state, but you can buy 1 between X. Y. city and Port Chester witch is in X. Y. state and only about 3 miles from Greenwich Conn. Well when this condurtor bird comes through you lve him your famiy ticket to Port Chester Ches-ter and he tears a chunk out of It and gives it back and then you pertend like you was a sleep both on his acct. and on acct. of the New Hochetlfl woman witch I forgot to mention la vary homely. Hill IIP "i0T'-s 1 1 rnsiif1111 "' MMf vji&O J SEEMS TO 1 To ftfiwr Be CKUCKPLiL ( erff 1" G--OOD I o STRANGERS p- All he o6 xJl4 ) r 0 4T ' t iM ill J "And she stands by your seat all the way to New Eochelle." but you don't no sooner leave Port Chester Ches-ter with only about 3 more miles to go when this bird comes up and says where are you going and you tell him Greenwich Green-wich and he says 20 cents. A man that would wake a man up that he thinks is a sleep for 20 cents would take oysters from a baby. Forthly they's a party llveing right In my house that has got the ha' it that every morning at the breakfast tab'e she gets interested in a story in the paper that's on the same sheet with the sporting sport-ing E-age and some times a person has to wait till long past the. prune coarse be- 1 f o r e they can find out how many n e w lawyers broke into baseball yesterday. BESIDES these people they's several young men in N. Y. city that has all got the same habit and are like a iuuvh of parrots that can't say nothing only the same thing. These birds is all found inside in-side the box office windows at the different differ-ent theaters and no ma'-tor whi: you say to them they say "Seventeenth row'' and !f you ast them if they was born in Ireland Ire-land t hey W'luld say seventeenth row though of coarse that's just a simple as you wouldn't never ask thern that ques-j ques-j tlon only in a jokeing way. These is a few of the habits that certain cer-tain partys could swear off of anil do themselfs and everybody else a world ot good and personaly if they's any of these i peoole that can think of a hahit that I have got that they don't like why I will swear off of it provide it they go 50 .",-) but as I say a person that is nearly perfect per-fect has a tough time figurelng what toucan tou-can swear off of and I have alout made j up my mind to not interfere, with none or my habits at the present time but go along the way like I been going for at k-a.-if another yr. and bo satisfied to bri'-h'e-' the corner where l am. Greenwich, Conn. Dec. 117. (Copyright, J519, by me'd Syndicate. Trie.) r ... .. . j . -V'.-r..,,,,,,,. t: -lii.ii.-'.;. v Vive's f OF ALL THE i SPi-PHSfeDS- J a I VJ1TM vf f ARE T I VE DllNt)'1 HOW LCiNt A.'- ' Z- ifc; y mst) " " ' ? j- 41Eut he -wears a policeman's suit." |
