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Show High Time From Here On, It's War1 By FLORENCE BITTNER It's a sad state of affairs when you're at war with your body, but after the way it acted last week, I'm through being nice. Negotiations have broken off, communications are in disarray, diplomatic relations re-lations have been severed. It's official. We're at war. THE FINAL straw occured when I asked it to climb up on a ladder to wash windows. Seemed a simple request. The sun was almost shining, the weather was at least ten degrees de-grees above freezing, so I said to Body, let's go out and wash those windows so we will know when spring breaks forth. Know what it said? No. Just a flat no. I EVEN WENT so far as to get out the ladder, have a nice soft cloth and a squirt bottle for washing glass, and Body said not me. I'm not climbing that ladder in the cold just so you can see through glass. Forget it. i I've noticed for the past several sev-eral years that I'm intending to go one way and Body decides to go another. Or, more probably, prob-ably, Body decides not to go at all. WHERE BODY is concerned, con-cerned, I have developed an attitude of appeasement. Conflict Con-flict is not what I handle best, so I've humored, cajoled, doctored doc-tored and been good to Body, hoping it would continue to serve. All to no avail. Body has become increasingly independent indepen-dent as we have aged. Let me rephrase that last bid: Body has become increasingly independent inde-pendent as it has aged. It aged, I didn't. As with all dictators, it wants to be boss. YEARS AGO, there was no question about who was in control. If I wanted to dance all night and go to work the next day, Body murmured, but obeyed. If it developed a cold, It would still function. It rarely ached, didn't hold onto every passing pound and even managed man-aged to look good. Well, if not really good, it looked acceptable. accept-able. It didn't sag in unexpected unex-pected places, and most of all, it didn't hurt. Many, many times it told me it was tired and I said forget it. No body is going to keep me from doing what I want to, so just perk up and let's move. It did. Every single time, it did what I told it to. THIS ATTITUDE of independence inde-pendence has been coming on for some time, but I've failed to pay it sufficient heed. There have been scores of little things which should have warned me, but I didn't pay enough attention. Like only getting halfway through the mall before it begins be-gins to assert itself. Or not being willing to stay awake through the late late movie. And hoarding pounds. BUT IT STILL obeyed. I have been in control. UniiJ week with the window" Body is gloating overir J venge Now I reaj2e been biding it s time, knouS that eventually it would ti the upper hand. You'd ifa would forget all those timt said, it's only a little ache, forget it and move. Yob think it wouldn't hold gdj. like keeping score on all times I made it go when ji wanted to stay, all the times fed it when it wasn't reallv hungry, didn't eat when it wanted to, and didn't when it said it was tired. MANY TIMES it has bet, reluctant. Many times it ka talked back, but when 1 ig. sisted, it moved. Isn't it interesting how often ' final straws really are strati We can handle the big things without total collapse of tit system, then some little thiiw triggers an all-out war. SO IT WAS with me and ' Body, over a window-washing assignment. Together we've washed hundreds of windows, so what's the great issue? I don't really know which was the final straw; the cold or the ladder or the window. Maybe the combination, but Body lei me know that from here on, t will have a consultation before attempting any new projects, and it will have full voting po er. Maybe even veto power I have a great grudge against Body which isn't helping negotiations. nego-tiations. By what right did it let itself stop looking young and attractive? Used tobe I lootd in every shop window, and no w I dilligently avoid looking. I really don't recognize thai person anyhow so by what right did Body let itself look like that? WHILE WE'RE negotiating, negotiat-ing, seems like one condition to our continuing to live, together should be that I be able to exercise my veto peters pet-ers regarding what we'regoinj to look like. ; Right now, before we do any; talking.it needs to know what! really look like. Begin with an additional six inches of height and at least twenty fewer pounds. And natural curls in the hair. How come it ne grew curly haur? I told itto.but did it mind? Never. Not once did it conceed and grow curly hair. BUT THERE is still a naf ging hurt in the back of ! mind that ultimately itjj have its way. And I will he forced, furious and screaminj inside, to concede defeat. Meanwhile, we can still enjoy en-joy morning walks, sunsets, the sound of birds, good W sound sleep, new sights a new places. ITISWARfromhereon I suspect we'll make pt Well, if not pe&ce, well velop a mutual assistance. If I take good care of it. take me where I want to providing I give it adv notice and listen to tts" And that's where it's go1 hurt. |