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Show - - . . " " " ' " Let's go to the moyies! I ;j Cinematic " fj !ji Sentiments ' ' ij METALSTORM() (VVW-1 Ch-1 OC-2 Sk-1) ANOTHER NO D IN 3-D There has never been a great 3-D movie. In 1983, there hasn't even been a mediocre one so far. (We'll see what happens with "Amityville 3-D). The latest pile of 3-D junk to clatter into your neighborhood irritating cardboard glasses and all-is "Metalstorm: The Destruction of Jared-Syn." This is one of the worst 3-D's yet, and that's saying a lot, after fiascos such as "Spacehunter," "Jaws III," and "The Man Who Wasn't There." The non-plot concerns the pursuit of a desert rebel tribe across the hills east of Hollywood er, a strange planet with your by-now-obligatory, ugly but by-gosh-efficient futuristic dune buggies. PG for violence, profanity and sexual sex-ual references. HERCULES () (WW-2 Ch-2 OC-2 Sk-2) SNICKER, SNICKER The old childhood magic doesn't quite come, in this lavish, new "Hercules" "Her-cules" from Italy. Lou ("Incredible Hulk") Ferrigno gives the year's worst performance, and the script and action will draw many giggles from the audience. The staging and special effects are exciting and spectacular, so children may enjoy. PG for violence and partial nudity. ESCAPE 2000 () (WW-1 Ch-1 OC-1 Sk-1 ) CRUELTY FOR FUN "Escape 2000" is a different kind of garbage film, now filling in for a week or two in movie houses here and there, as the summer winds down (way down) to a close. This poorly-acted, low-budget 1981 British film, like the recent "Concrete Jungle," glories in sadism while hypocritically making a "point." In a future enslaved society, rebellious souls are labeled "deviants," "de-viants," and placed in camps for "retaining" "re-taining" purposes. Naturally, as the title ti-tle suggests, the prisoners will escape (to where?), but not before the screen is filled with over an hour of rape, burnings, bur-nings, beatings, vicious "sport," and other goodies to exploit the audience. This film has no redeeming social value, whatsoever Strong R rating for gross and bloody violence, rape, full nudity, profanity, and lesbianism. STRANGE BREW () (WW-1 Ch-1 OC-1 Sk-1 ) ANIMAL HOUSE GOES PG "SCTV's" Dave Thomas and Rick Moranis are the writers, directors and stars of "Strange Brew," so it's obvious ob-vious who's to blame for this incoherent in-coherent mishmash of unfunny comedy com-edy bits from Canada. Thomas and Moranis, a couple of genuine ge-nuine zanies who are not funny, play two "nosers" who appear embalmed in beer throughout. They wander into a brewery where a sinister brewmaster is trying to enslave the world with a secret beer formula. Alleged "laughs" involve burps, pratfalls, falling cases of beer, and a let's-have-a-beer wisecrack in every other line. Rated PG for much vulgarity, ridicule of the insane, and a little profanity. GETTING IT ON () (WW-1 Ch-1 OC-1 Sk-1) The "1" ratings above should be minus numbers. "Getting It On" is porno trash bordering on X-rated fare. (In fact, some filmmakers will "shoot to an X," then "cut to an R," only insofar as required by the MPA rating code) . This summer cessflick is rated R for vulgarity, full nudity, sex, and strong profanity. |