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Show Best ideas include bans on teens, coffee ; Cyclops by Bryan Gray r TEEN-AGERS -Two 17-year-olds shot and killed a fisherman in Salt Lake three weeks ago, later admitting admit-ting they mistook the man for a large bird. WORST POLITICAL EVENT-Gary EVENT-Gary VanDolzer of KaysvUle announced an-nounced he would run this November on the Populist Party ticket for the Utah Senatebut was then told his state senator is not up for election. Undeterred, VanDolzer then said he would run for the Utah Housebut didn't know which House district he lived in. WORST POLITICAL NEWS-In NEWS-In a survey of college students, respondents said they would much rather live Mick J agger's life than George Bush's. WORST EXAGGERATI ON The Utah ACLU's Michele Parish described her plan to ban school prayer as "an attempt to clean up Utah." WORST EXAMPLE OF PRAYER-A Utah radio announcer told morning listeners they should "hope and pray for the success of the Spring Football League." BEST EXAMPLE OF SARCASMA SAR-CASMA Clearfield woman, angry at attempts to ban smoking in public restaurants, announced she would form a new organization to combat obesity, a condition "more dangerous than secondhand smoke." Her group, the TOWs (Take Off Weight), will campaign for the covering of all pastries and candies at grocery stores and restaurants. restau-rants. "We must make fatsos avoid temptation," she wrote. BEST FUND-RAISING ARGUMENT-Attorney Ralph Mabey, leader in the Bountiful High Class of '62 Reunion Committee, encouraged graduates ' to donate small sums for a class project. "On the other hand," he write, "if you have an extra half-million dollars, the school could really use a new i auditorium with your name on it! ; Just note it on your contribution form." BEST NEWS FOR TAX-PA TAX-PA YERSAs a percentage of personal per-sonal income, state and local taxes in Utah are 13th highest in the nation. Only five years ago, the state was sixth in the U.S. in this ignoble ig-noble category. BEST ARGUMENT FOR SEX EDUCATIONA Utah Humane Society official told members of the Utah Legislature, "I can tell you that there are Utah people performing perform-ing strange sexual acts, even with chickens." BEST REASON TO FORGET VIEWMONT'S FOOTBALL SEASON Viewmont's superb basketball team which came within one lousy point of total perfection. WORST OVER-REACTION TO A COURT DECISION-The Woods Cross City announcement that prayer at council meetings was not in any way defensible. Spring has sprung. ..And so has the new Cyclops Best and Worst along the Wasatch Front WORST TYPOGRAPHICAL ERROREncouraging a flag project, pro-ject, a Bountiful citizens committee sent out a printed list suggesting residents locate "fags and document docu-ment them." BEST REASON TO BAN COFFEE A 33-year-old man who set three fires at a Salt Lake care center told police he was upset that the center served him decaffeinated coffee instead of the ' ' real thing. ' BEST REASON TO BAN |