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Show Car Fare and Chewing Gum By RING W. LARDNER. : Tricks to Beat the Game - i OFO the ed of Tho Salt Lako Tribune: A ' CM, Xov. 23. Friend pd: Well, Mr. od. I know vou use tlie st car once in a wile but I "don't know if vou have used it or not since the new tares went in effect and I used it for the 1st. time today and I thought I better bet-ter write and give you the benefit of mv experience so as vou won't make the same mistake I did. because you have KOt the same kind of a lavout in S. L. that wo have gi.t here in Chi. Well, I went up to tho window and give the girl a dime and she give me 4 pennies change and I went up the stairs onto the platform and they wasn't rio train for a wfle so I dropped the 4 pennies pen-nies one at a time in the gum machine and got 4 sticks of gum aud the gum you get now days is a whole lot like everything else that is tho kick has gone out of it so when vou chew 1 stick about a min. they's no more kick left in it and then you chew another 1 on top of it and in another minute the kick has gone out of the 2 of them and so it goes, so before we was to Belmont they wasn 't no wallop left in none of the 4 sticks, but there they were and what could you do with them because the car was full of people that didn't have the grace to look away wile you got rid of it, so tho result was that a niRn had to keep on chewing and by the timo we got to Madison and Wells my jaws was as weak as a cat because wile a man might chew 4 sticks, all the way from Bnena down town Tinder ordinary circumstances without wearing yourself out, it's different now on acct. of the trains going slovcr ou acct. of carrying a heavier load because everybody has -either got 4 pennies in their pocket or 4 sticks of gum in their jaw which slows the train up. WELL, Mr. ed. it looks to me like the people behind the 6 cent fare was the people that owns the gum machines ma-chines and the dentists and the people that's going to suffer from it is the public and the restaurants because when a man has exhausted his jaws on gum ho don't feel like attacking a bunch of food. But they's a way to cross these birds and outwit them, and the way to do it is when vou lay down a dime for your fare, just walk through the gate without with-out waiting for your 4 pennies chauge and that will make them look like a inonkej-. The surface lines proposition won't be so bad because for 1 thing they don't have no gum machines and in the -nd. place their fares is going to be 7 cts. instead of 6 cts. so all as you half to do is find a conductor that writes a lot of letters to people in Chi and then ; you can ride on his car all the wile and wiu!.. Jr?i give him a nickel and a 2 ct. stamp for the fare and if you can't find a conductor con-ductor that does write letters all as you half to do is to get him iD the habit of it by starting up a correspondence with him. , Eespv, . . R, Y. L. P. S. Still another way of getting the lbcst of them is either to buy a car or else ride down to work in the 1 you got and park it in the loop and if anybody saya anything to you toll thein you're the mayor's cousin. |