Salt Lake Tribune | 1918-11-27 | Page 10 | ''An' How you Gonna Throw the Bull if they Ain't No Red Flags,'' Sez Ol' Walt Peters

"An' How You Gonna Throw the Bull if They Ain't No Red Flags," Sez OF Walt Peters "An1 How You Gonna Play Poker Without Red Chips? An' How You Gonna Run Railroads Without Red Signals? An' H'ow You Gonna Have Red-headed Girls Without Red Hair?"" By JOHNNY BURKE. ISJ-jK" sez ol' Walt Peters, tossin' his flu mask over his lei"' car an' -lakiu' a four-ounco drag out of an imi'ortRtioH, '"I see." sez he, "as how th' city commission passes a law puttln' tli' eternal kibosh on th' red stuff." "V mean th' red stuff you're jes' pullin' at. Walty" I asts. "N;nv," sez Walt, "it's worse'n that. Tt jes' nacheralty makes red no color at all, jes' th' same as ef- th' ol' spectrum hud Its red all yanked out, like you'd pull a tooth." "Walt," I sez, "would you mind eluci-datin' eluci-datin' a little," I sez. "jes" no's T might acquire a snack of enlightenment, so to speak," I sez. Meanin' Anarchists Must Jes' Bresh By. "Well, Johnny," ,he sez, "it's jes' like this." he sez, an' he outs with his keg o' joy again. "This ere new law sez they shan't be shown n'r displayed no red flag, r banner, r badge, n'r nothin' red like that, meanin', 1 take it, that anarchists an-archists an' all them stiffs has got to bresh by. jes' bresh by ! "Hut does this yer new law stop at; that? It sure do not! Jes' lissen f me f'r a minute, jes' lissen" t' this: "A railroad's run with red flags. Ked flags Is jes" as necessary V a railroad as delayed trains, freezin' cars an' busted truck. Howja ever stop a train s'posln', o' course, it wasn't stopped a'ready, less'n you had a red flag? Howja keep a train fr'm runnln' i-nto a hole in th' track ef you found one. less'n you had a red flag'.' Tell me that. Howja keep teams fr'm runnin over trains at crossin's and trains fr'm runnin' over learns, less'n you waved th' red flag'.' Tell me that, loo. An' Red Cross Mast Be Red. "An'- lissen some more whilst I'm steamed up: "What kind of a Red Cross would this country have less'n it had a red flag? How could a Red Cross be a red cross ef its red cross wuz extracted? "An' here's sump'n else angaln: U sez in this law. It sez. they shan't be no red badge. Now you jes' tell me ef a set o' i red whiskers ain't a badge. Whv ev'ry i guy as wuz decorated with red whtskers'd ; have to get 'em cut off; an' ef he done ! that, wha'd you do with all th' red hair stuff effigies of th' kaiser, mebhe? "An' it's the same with red -headed girls. An' ef you cut. off th' tilings that makes red -headed girls red -headed, you gotta go further an' pretty soon you don't find no whi te boss no more. "An' that aiil't all. S'posin" you lit a red beak, like mine," sez Walt, layin' a curessin' finger on his beezer. "A red beak like mine'd he a challenge, ' an' I elainf that this yer red beak is some badge it costs me a heap o' jack t' acquire ac-quire it, ez yuu know. Must Rile Bull With Red Flag. ' "An' then they's the hull. Fur's you ! Wanta go back in hlst'ry you'll find that l you can't do nothin" with a bull less'n you get him riled up with a red flag. Now. ef you ain't gonna have no red flags thev ain't gonna he no riled bulls, nu' th' occupation oc-cupation of th' professional bull thrower is gone. Yes? Now. -I'm arguin' that ef Ihey wasn't no heavln' of th' bull in this country, why a man'd jes' as lief he in Fiji, 'r Yucatan, r Kamchatka, 'r some place. ! "An you take faro bank, nn- roulette, an' cards, an' things. Howja run a faro bank without red badges? 'S what I wanta know. Howja run a roulette wheel without red badges? Tell it V me. .jowjn run a poker game ef all th' cards wuz black, 'r white, "r green, 'r gray, 'r, sump'n, an' they wasn't no di'monds n"r hearts, n'r red chips? An' them tilings I'm tellin you about is all badges yeah bo, I know they's badges, 'cause I .done paid plenty an enough to fin' it out. jes a Mess if Y'u Hit the Pipe. "Then you go C work an' slick a long piece o' pipe, 'r a two-hy-fotir on a wagon, an' ef you ain't got a red flag at th' "end of that there pipe, what happens? 'T.ong . come a shower an' lie hits that there pipe, cause he don't see H, an' whatel.a got? A mess, jes' a mess. "An' they's a million things like that. Didja ever stop f think how manv of our feller citizens gets planted ef Pat Moran don't shoo 'em off fr'm his street ditches w i t li re d fl ag s ? A n ' h o w man y more takes aviation lessons when they wuz pes-ticatln' pes-ticatln' round where they's dvnamite shootin" ef it ain't f'r the red flags? "No, siree, Johnny," announces Walt as he uncorks fur !t last one an' slips on his mask again. "No. siree : I'm f'r tV red flag, jes' as I say: an' temme tell you, an' teil you straight, that ef th' elf' commission wants C start some wrecks an catastrophes an" sich. like all they gotta do is t' stand pat on this new law."