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Show " ; I Amos Mugg Has a Grievance H U S3 BS M In Wrong With His Old Lady By DAMON RUNYON. Members 'Student Body, Columbia University. New York t'itv, N. Y. New York City, N."Y. Dec. l, HUH. Dear Young Gentlemen I feel sure vou young gentlemen will not knowingly know-ingly do a right guy a ay harm, but T wisti to explain to you how you make a terrible bum out of "me with my old lady the other night so you will bo a little more careful in the future, as I cannot afford to have this happen again very soon, I'll tell the world. The apartment house where my old lady and me live is right near the college col-lege where you young gentlemen hang out. and from the windows of our joint we can hear much what is going ou around your college, also see a lot what is doing, although L shall say nothing about ttiat, not being a stool, or a copper. Late the other night you young gentlemen are pulling off some kind of a hell-raising over on your campus, mid hollering your college veils, and all such as that, and .it wakes my old lady out of a sound sleep. Slie gets up to see what is stirring, and being up, of course she thinks to take a peek to see if I am in, and of "course I am not in. Then of course she takes a slant at the clock and the clock says eleven bells, because of coyirse I have set it back a few notches, but it seems I forget to wind it when I am setting it back and it has stopper. So of course, my old lady thinks to go to the telephone and ask central what time it is, and central, being" a snitch, tell her it is" 1 o'clock, which it what a guy gets for having a telephone in the house. Well, now, you can see what vou young gentlemen do to me. T tell mv old lady T am going to be home at 12 sure, because she says she cannot' sleep a wink when am out of sight, although I notice she is always pounding her ear pretty good no matter what time I get in, and she would be pounding her ear this night if yon youug gentlemen do not get to raising ail that hell over on your campus. I have been married to my old lady quite a few years now, and every time I am out late at night she says she has not slept a wink, but, just between you young gentlemen and me, 1 have consulted croakers about ' this matter, and they tell me a woman cannot lose all the sleep my old ladv savs she has and Jive, although, of course, that does not go if my old lady hears it. Anyway, after you young gentlemen roust, her out this' night J am talking about, and she finds out what time it is, she gets to thinking about me being out, and all such as tit at. like women will do, and then begins calling up places and paging mo. And, of course, I am not in those ' 'aces she calls up, being in some other places, and my old lady finally goes bad. .o the hay in a high fever and very nervous. " The next morning, while I am inhaling my Arbuckles, my old lady asks me what time do I get in, and I say I am a little late on account of a subway tieup, and do not get iu until around 12:30, and I tell her that, not because I will ever deliberately lie to my old lady, but because I can see something has come off to make her very nervous, and I do not wish to have her also worrying worry-ing about me being out late. Next to explaining to my old lady about the electoral college, the toughest job in the. world is carrying on a breakfast bag punching with a very nervous woman, especially for a man who is out late the night before, and much of this will be avoided n our neighborhood if you young gentlemen will lay off hollering holler-ing and hell-raising. ' It may be a month before T am .Take again around our joint, because, of course, I cannot speak to my old lady until "she apologizes for doubting my word, but in the meantime I wish to get together with vou young gentlemen and agree.on a district in which you can do" your hollering without Dutching me, and manv other right guys. I remain, Yours very truly, AMOR MUGG. |