| OCR Text |
Show nr 1 Reminiscences of a Nature Faker I M AS tO Rattlers. By JOHN KEN D RICK BANGS Copyright, 1007, by Joseph B. Bowles. H I "It 's a mighty intcrestin' provision j' nature," said the postmaster, "that rattlesnakes ain't abundant in State ffhero liquor is hard to get." I laughed. "I didn't know there were any such States, Joe," I said. "If 3'ou was a stranger in this here State o' Maine, j'c-u'd find ono of 'cm ight here," retorted lha postmaster. 'Knowin' the ropes as you do, of :oursc, it ain't hard for you to find joxir highball at any soda water fountain foun-tain from York to Bar Harbor, but i you'd only just arrived an' was Iqolc-n' Iqolc-n' fcr somclhin' to restorc your faint-n' faint-n' sporrit, findin' needles in bay-ricks ld bo like brcnldn' a baby's arm alongside along-side 0' gettin' it An' sccin' as how s-hiskcy is about the only known anec-lote anec-lote against the rattler's bite, I repeals ;hat it is a wise prevision o- nature ;o keep the rattlesnakes in parts, o' ;ho country where intemp-raneo ain't frowned on by the law an' s'ciety, like NTew Jersey an' Arizona." "Hum's a bigger curse nor rattle-makes, rattle-makes, Joe," vouchsafed the captain it this point. "Thcros more oeme-cries oeme-cries been poppylatcd by mm than by attlcsnakes. it's more insijus. If roul look around you anywheres rou'd find no end o' fellers that gets ;ho habit o; drinkin' fiery waters, but vhare do ye find anybody chasin' after ULisnnl-na rrin ltlfn linfnlfl fill' CIT- SJaerin' 'em served between meals; go-fWin' go-fWin' to the grocerv store an' buyin' 'em fflibj' the case an' havin' 'em sent home Tan' kept in the cellar where they's Senlways on tap?" HH "1 never thought of it in that exact Sljight," said iho postmaster, life "Well, ye'd better begin to." said the captain. "I don't set no special m store by ratlelsnakes. I can get along 8 .without 'em, and I ain't got no p'ticu-ja p'ticu-ja ar call to defend 'cm, but when people jag begins to put whisky on a pcsdcstal, Shinkin' a sort, of alcohol o' Pame out Sjbf it, an' at the same time condemnin' m the rattlesnake as a meenace to hu-fflman hu-fflman life, an' callin' on the public to jE stamp him out as an enemy to society, SI sort of feci that the rattlesnake has g5 pints that he ain't got no cause to bo m ashamed on. Tie minds his own bnsi-Shicss bnsi-Shicss most 0' the time. ITc don't in-gttvite in-gttvite nobody to come along an' get bit. MRIe ain't a tempter, an' a snare, an' a Hfpitfall for the fccisleps of the weak fan' onwary, an' so. I says, give him a show. There s too much preejudicc Hagainst reptiles, an'how." "I didn't know 3'c'd ever had a pet jMraltlcr, captain," said the postmaster Htyvith a sy wink at the rest of us. BF "There's a wliole lot 3011 never did Sknow, Joe," returned the captain. Kit1 You're kep' so busy read in' the pos-Hftal pos-Hftal cards that pases through your hands that you don't seem to liavo no time for a lib'ral eddication. When I jRwas in Ari.ouy I found a lot 0' good pints about reptiles that I ain't agoin' Bto gorget. Down -'round Tnckson whero Bl was lookin' into a salt mine some fcl-lers fcl-lers I knowed wanted mo to go into, I come into contact with no end 0' rat-Hftlcrs rat-Hftlcrs an' they didn't none of 'cm do me wan3' harm. I had an idea when J went thcro that the rattlcsnako, like nil Bother hviu ' creatures, was just as much afraid of one of his own kind that jjSJwas bigger 'n he was, as you an' me. fiKWhen I want to fight I look around for n feller 0' 1113" own si'.o to lick, Ban' if I can't find hiiii I mouse around jgifor soincbod3' ,inst a leelle bit smaller 3Rfii I bo to operate on. That's what thoy call instinct, an' rattlesnakes is hist as instinctive as 3'ou be. So, when Kt went campin5 out in the desert down Hjthcrc iu Arizony 1 provided m3-self with a conple o' them big ratches we fel-Hlers fel-Hlers used to play with when we was boys. You know what I mean a han-alc han-alc an' a cogwheel and a wooden spring ISin a small frame that Hies around on a pivot. It makes a noise like a pack S&b' powder crackers whon you give it IS. "I've had 'em." said Joe. "I didn't know they was good for any-thin' but Suakin' a'dod-gnstcd lot 0' noise." (fc '"They're the best weopons for rattlesnakes rat-tlesnakes yo can find," said the captain. cap-tain. "I know because' I tried 'em. jWhcn night come on in the desert I used to swing m3r haininick from the limbs 0' them big cactus trees they fcov down there, about 10 feet up from the ground. Then when bed-lime come I'd climb up the prickers just, a3 J jjvonld a ladder, and slide into the ham-tniek ham-tniek an' go to sleep. I was safe Jenough up there from anything that creeps because, though snakes can climb ,troes as'eas3' as a squirl, they find the prickers on the cactus trees a leetle too inconvenient for 'em, but they liotkored me like the dickens with the racket thoy kep' up underneath. Ye know all a rattlesnake asks of us hu-pan hu-pan boin'a is to be allowed to keep lOteJvarm, and when them cold Arizonv tuvwhta. come on, an' the sun has gone lots -down, thov used to creep along to whero K i&y camP"re was burnin' low, an' toast ribeJlnemaelveB alongside of its dying ein-IjjrftrtberB. ein-IjjrftrtberB. If they'd done it quietly I undjjff.ouldn't ha' minded it, but somehow "dT lll Ren,aJ k1ow o llie camP" lire used to make 'cm talkative, an' they'd rattle away at each other on tho subjects 0' the day until yc couldn't tell whether it was a church I sociable witli all tho wifnmen out, or a telegraph office, 30 had uudcrnoath yc. .Nobody needn't novcr tell me that them fclkrs can't talk. They'd rattle rat-tle questions and answers at each other liko two opposin' parties at a town mcetin'. Once in awhile one feller that seemed to know more 'n the rest 0' 'cm would rattle ou"for seven or eight; jnin-utcs jnin-utcs without stoppin', an' the others 'd set tliero gazin'. - at the fire an' drinkin' it all in. Then some other fel-lor fel-lor who couldn't quite -understand would givo his tail a' shake three" or four times, endin' up with an inlcrry-gation inlcrry-gation point, and ihe first feller would answer something pleasantry, sometimes some-times with considerable firmness, an' once in awhile as if ho was layin' dow;n tho law more in anger than in sorrer." "What was thev tallcin' about, Captain?" Cap-tain?" asked Si "Vothcrspoon. "I can't tell ye that, my son," said the Cantain. "I ain't up on reptilingo. They may have boon discussin' the tarilT, or the iniquities of predatory wealth, or the insurance question foV all I know. I never got intimate enough with any of 'em to ask. All I know is that tho first night 1 found, it very intcrestin'. Tho second night it just struck me as a leetle nois', an' on tho third night I got tired of it, and I hollered down to llmm In turn out the ia and go to bed. I wanted to sleep. But tliC3r didn't pay 110 more attention to mo than 's ii' I wasn't there just rattled along until sun-riso, sun-riso, when they'd break up an' crawl back, each to his own p'ticular sun-spot. sun-spot. The fourth night 1 put the fire out before I climbed up into tho liam-mick. liam-mick. hopin' that with the chief attraction at-traction of the place gone tho3''d koep away an' let me go to sleep, but it didn't work. Yc see the sand of tho desert stored up a hull lot of heat underneath un-derneath whero the fire'd been burnin', an' while they prob'ly preferred the embers, there was still enough heat left there to make the place do for a lodgo mcetin'. "Then I suddenly remembered my thcciy about tho ratchet, an' I made up my mind I'd take the two of 'em up to bed with mo that night an' work it on 'am. Onfortunitly I was kep' out at the salt mines putty laic that night, an' when I got back to 1113 claim they was all there bofore nib, one of 'cm perched up on top 0' 1113' suitcase makin' -what sounded like a stump speech to tho rest of 'em. You could almost tell what he was savin' by the way ho rattled that old tail 0' his. If you can imagine a rattle sayin' -Fricuda and I oiler Citizens, rise up and demand your rights from the heel of the oppressors. Strike for vour altars an' your fires, an' when ye do strike, see that 3re strike 12, ' y'o can get a fair idee 0' what it sounded like, an' in' ratchets on the inside 0' the feller's platform all Iho time, and the-audience the-audience spread around all over tho place, so that I couldn't even climb up into my hammickl I tell 30 it made me tired. "With ninety-seven million square miles 0' desort all around 'em to hold their mass mcetin 's in Rattlesnake Rattle-snake Brotherhood No. 23 couldn't find no better place to squat than under un-der my hammick. no better pulpit to do their preachin' from than that suitcase suit-case 0' mine, which not only held m ratchets, but my pie-jammers, my toothbrush, my coffee grinder, 1113- can 0' condensed milk and m' bottle 0' sars'prilla." "You'd ought to shoo'd 'oin ava3'," said Si, "Wolherspoon. 4 '"Wake up, Si," retorted the Captain. "This hero ain't a study 0' hen life I'm givin' yo. It's rattlers I'm tallcin' about. Yo" can shoo a hen or 3e can shoe a boss, but shooin' rattlesnakes is not in my line. I wasn't clappiu' no injunction on that gang. I jest jhinncd up the nearest cactus tree i. couju find, and spent tho night in the upper branches listenin' to them snakes in their long-winded harauga, and pickin' cactus splinters out o' ni3' pusson. At da3rbrcak H103' broke up an' went their several wa3rs. an' I climb down an' cat m3' breakfast, and to make sure against an' surprises, hoisted my suit-caso, suit-caso, with the ratchets in it, up into the hammick? an' then beiu' wore out with the sleeplessness 0' nights just passed, I follered 'em an' slop' like a log until nigh onto midnight, when I was awakened up by the same everlastin' political discussion goin' on below, onl3r this time there was more feclin' into it than before, an' first thing I knew, two 0' them rattlers had got to real serappin'. I never see such a light in all my life. They hissed, an' rattled, an' struck, an' struck, an' rattled, an' hissed until tho alkali flew up in the air an' nearly blinded me, and finally they clinched. The feller that had been rattlin' against plootocrac' the night before from the top 0' 1113' suitcase, just twisted hisself around the neck 0' the corporation hireling that had sasscd him back, until tho corporation corpo-ration hireling looked' a if he had one o' them long ribbon neckties like them artist fellers wears ou. Then ho gave hisself a hike an' made a sailor's knot out of hisself around the neck of his encni'. The' kep' this up, tyin' each other into four-in-hands, butterflies, sailor's, lover's knots, down to tho very last plain, ordinarj" common shoestring tie. You couldn't have onravclcd 'em in twenty-seven years the wajT they'd tangled 'emselves up. Meanwhile the other uns was jest scttin' around let-tin' let-tin' them two finish tho debate, to suit themselves, rattlin' out three cheers as ono would get the best of iho other, an' then when the two fighters had tied ..their last tie, and squeezed 'em-selves 'em-selves up as-tight as their coils would let 'cm, soy that even their rattles couldn't work, and dropped exhausted, thc3" began to rattle among themselves as to which was tho winner, an' I thought it was time to turn over an' go to sleep again, so I outs with two ratchets. Takiu' one with one hand an; th' other in lh' other, I began givin' giv-in' 'em the twist. " Clickctiy-icketty-ickctty-ick ! ' ' Clickett3'-ickett'-ickett3'-ick! Just like that, only faster, and more stentorian like, as "they say of Bill Wliggins's voice when he makes a stump speech. "At the first clicketty-ick thoy all jumped, jest like a narvous "rooster when 'ou say booh to him. At the second thc3' looked around uneasih,' as if oxpectin' to bo attacked, and finally, when I ratcheted out a click like two dozen telegraph offices tr3'in' to sing jH the 'Star Spangled Banner,' all at onco they made a jump for libert3r that jH landed 'em ten yards away, an' they . jumped so quick and so sudden that every blessed ono 0' them snakes snapped his rattles off "Next mornin' when I got down to breakfast I found enough rattles to fill my suitcase, an' for ten years after that neither me nor my wife ever had to by any buttons to sow on our ' clothes. We jest used them rattles as we needed 'em." 1 There was a silence of thrco or four minutes' duration. jH "I didn't know 3'on'd ever been down to Arizony, Captain," said the postmaster, finally. "Didn't 3'c, Joe?" said tho Captain. "No," retorted the postmaster, "Kin yc prove it?" "Yes," replied the Captain. "Easy's fallin' off a log. If yo'll como up to my house some night I'll show it to ye on the map, and if that ain't enough, I'll show .ye the old suitcase them rat- jH tiers used to niakc their stump speeches " "T thought yc said them rattlers had jH good pints," said Si Wothorspoon. jH "So they hcv," said the Captain, "So they hev. Thc3' don't drink . jf whiske3r, ner pla3 cards, an ' as far as I can find out, they don't writo m'aggy-zinc m'aggy-zinc articles about 'Frenzied Finances or Naturo Fakirs.' " jH |
