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Show Hi H H M H t-r milltlll -r--r--H I JUST A FEW ANECDOTES f I Jim jga A Dangerous Country. IS "Ireland is not so dangerous a country fl to travel In as It used to'bo," said Victor ' Herbert. "Tho Irish aro not Buch flre- Jjf ' atcre now ns they once were. !ft "Samuol Lover, tho Irish novelist, was tt ray grandfather, and he. In mlddlo life, !V had In Ireland an oxporlenco that lllus- i' trated well tho perils of travel at that 1 1 time. 1 "My grandfather was on tho way to I : Cork." Ho was traveling by coach, and on I ' a certain day he stopped fo luncheon at P & roadsldo inn. I "A sorvant led him to an upstairs room, i ) took hlfl order and retired, i "My grandfather drew up his chair to I the tablo and soon tho servant, reappcar- f tag. set be.foro him a plato that contained half a grilled chicken. My grandfather i was about to fall to upon the chicken, if when cr-r-ack-his plate split cloan I across, and the fowl shot up nearly to tho m. a i. iimn n waiter, palo HE ' and .tremulous, ran Into tho room crying, Hlf 'Ho's safe. Ho's safe.' Hfj "'Who's safo?' said my grandfather, Hjlj te"l,llrf. Musgrave.' Raid the waller. 'The I captain fired in tho air.' iiiCf 1 'It was, you see, tho bullet of a duelist, 1 , and of an Indoor duelist at that, which f had como up through the ceiling and In- Hlj j 4rruptcd my grandfather s meal. Huj j ' The Commercial Spirit. Hfir' "Wo aro called a commercial nation," IHHlt ald Stephen F. Weston, tho president of ft J Antloch college, Ohio, "and there Is noth- Ini f lnP opprobrious In such an appellation, h y 'or It is good to bo commercial, to bo In- Wql dustrlons. At tho same time, though, this BSfitl Bpltit should not bo carried too far. mmm 1, "There was an American who carried it UuM 1 too far in Scotland. He went with a par- mmw If I ty of tourists to sec or.o of the grandest mmm T i Scottish ruins a gray castlo centuries old, mm " that crowned a beetling crag. AM 0 "Tho guide pointed out. tho wondors of mW f 1 tho castle, and tho wild, romantic view 1 f 31 from tho cliff on which it stood. B. V " The estate.' Jio snld In conclusion, has i j been In tho family of tho Earl of Mar for IHO? h four centuries AM J I' "Then It was that tho American a too Jf commercial spirit cropped out. Embrac- Am II Ing with a gesture tho bleak scene, he Vl Hfi said: MMM llS " 'Four contuses, eh? "Well, I don't MMm It; wonder. Tho only way to get rid of a Mmm Hi' property llko thte would bo to cut it up MMt If I into building lots and sell It at auction, j J 1 with a free excursion, a brass band and Hfjj ; a hot lunch thrown In.' " Hf ' Fashion-Fooled. 1 I Thomas Fogarty, tho Illustrator, was talking about modern fashions In dress. MMt J ; "It Is hard to keep up with the fosh- MU If I Ions," he said. "They are certainly con- Ji i fusing I remember one night in my boy- MM Ij hood at the theater, a man in a rear seat MU ft' a11 of n sudden Jumped up excitedly. Mm lit " 'nW11 w,th tnat red umbrella in MMt tf !. front.' he cried. MM J "But his wife pulled him back Into h.'s (j chair. MU ftii "'For mercy's sako, hush!' she whls- MMJ ! percd. 'That Isn't an umbrella; It's a new MM if winter hat.' " lil Honrv Clews, the banker. was talking lle about a stock that had dropped In value. MWh S "Great was its fall." he said. "It was Mmf II pathetic. It made me think of an lncl-dpnt lncl-dpnt that happened tho other day In an Hl I Si express office. ll "To 111,3 offlcc a uurly, klnd-looklng H ! young man came wiUi a packago under n i ' his arm. I "I v.-ant to express this package, he f "The clerk, as usual, anked him: H i , " 'What Is tho naturo of the contents Ijl of tho package?' Ifi "'It Is.' said tho simple-minded youth, j in a sad tone, 'a bundle of letters from'a HI ffl voung lody. I am returning thitm to her.-' HI 1 " Their value?' said the clerk. If "The young man swallowed. Hi r dont know what their value Is 1 I j now.' lie said huskily, "but a week ago I I thouKht they were worth about half Hi a milllon dollars.' " HM HI I III Gustave Whitehead, the aeronaut of HH Bridgeport. Conn., was discCssing tho MB aeronautical work of Professor Alexander HII Graham Bell. f "Professor Bell's .work is locical." ho Hulff raid, "whereas: too much of the work of Di lir aeronauts is illogical qulto as II- Dj logical as the remark that a young Swcdo HbHd once mado to mo In a storm. E "The Swede and I wero out walking to- IW getlier when a storm came up. Tho rain fell violently. We took rcfuco under a II 'The tree, for about fifteen minutes, HB made a good refuge. Then it begun to IEK )esxk The cold raindrops began to fail HtflU down my neck, and 1 began to com- H plain. HH " 'Oh, never mind.' said the Swede. HH 'There arc plenty of trees. As soon as HIH thfe one is wet through we'll go under HIH another.' " HIB Dodging' the Fledge. HEB Mrs. C. A. Barwlse, prosldent of the HEH Boys' "Welcome Tlall association of HIH Urookln, is an enthusiastic advocate 'of HH temperance. The other day, apropos of HUB hypocrisy in the tcmporance movement, Hlfl fill(i sa'tl; HflH "1 Iopo there are not many of us to HHi whom the spirit of the temperance pledge HIB means so little as it did to a certain Hlfl Scottish woman. Hlfl "This woman had mado a vow not to Hlfl drink liquor, and a day or two after the Hlfl vow she supped at a friend's house. Hvfl "In tnos3 days tompcrance was not Hlfl common In Scotland, and at tho supper HIB wine was passed about liko tea. Hlfl "Tho temperance convert looked at the Hlfl wine longingly. Her hostess said: Hlfl " 'l'm sorry yo canna drink a glass o Hlfl wine wT us on Recount o' yor tempcr- once principles.' H fl "The othor had Just taken on her H fl Plato a piece of cake She said thoughl- fully, extending her plate towards the fl H l v,'no bottle: I ifl pj'I vYen'' ,U8t polu 11 0,1 Iny cnIte anrt I fl Senator Bverldge ildlculed the itnprac- H H tica bill ty of a certain procedure in a BBfl strlkln? way the othor day. MB "That procedure," ho said, "in Its im- JW practicability reminds mo of an old man EH 1 knew In ray boyhood in Ohio. He was MS a t'00(l old man, but most impractical. jHS -A- 11 cw 3torj' of his Impractical wavs was cropping up overy vook. "According to tho last of tjiese stories, H tlie ol(1 mtLn ran at t0P apeed through 1W Iho main street ono day, holding his IH hands about three feet apart, H ."'Don't jostle me.' ho called to those KB ho passed, 'Don't jostle me. I havo the measure of a doorway with me. " fl A Frank Admission. Bfl Dr G. P. Mains, the treasurer of tho ) Methodist rlract socletj', was talking HAH about volumes of sermons that had been HHI prontnblo and popular. Hfla "Not many ministers, though," ho said, Hflfl "are abI to put upon tho market prollt- HHB al)ln aucJ Popular volumes of sermons " fl Then Dr. Mains smiled. Hflfl am reminded," he said, "of an elder- HHS ly Scotish minister. At an evening gatli- HHb orlng a certain volumo of sermons came HH8 un for discussion, and It was stated that HHI thc autnr of tho volume had cleared HHH something like COO pounds. Hfll "At this tho old minister's wife leaned HHi over and whispered to him; HHI " 'My dear, 1 see nothing to hinder you HHI from printing a few of your sermons, too.' HHI " 'Tney wore all printed lang syno, tho I ol- minister whispered back," Proof Wanted. H Tho lato Senator Hoar, being learned Hlfl himself, had a great respect for learned men. Mark Pattlson in particular was to him an object of reverent study, and In speech-making Senator Hoar would f fUn illuslrato sonic point with -m appropriate ap-propriate Incident from Pattlson's life. Thus, in condemnation of youthful pcrtnoss and forwardness, ho suld ono day In Concord; "Mark Pattlson, with all his knowledge, was, perhaps, a difficult man to get along with. If you tnliced small to him, he snubbed you. It you plungod Into deep and weighty matters, ho exposed your Ignorance. "A youth onco took an afternoon's wall: with Pattlson. The lotter was silent. The youth talked of the birds, tho trees, and tho flowers, but ho got no reply. Then, qulto irrelevantly, ho said with a pompous pom-pous air that Euripides was richer In hu-n.nn hu-n.nn lnt9n?.st than Aeschylus. "PatlfMon glanced at him Impationtly. Quote, sir quote.' ho said. ' Washington. ii?0L?0.F- Xinccnt- Principal of instruc-' l2JLof u 10 ChQUtanua Institution, has among his papers somo compositions on Washington that llttlo Silldron wrote 1 Three of the most Interesting of theso compositions follow: "Georgo Washington Is our fathPr did ho tell a Ilo no ho never did ho did it with his hatchoL" "George Washington wm tho fatlior of his contro his father Bald did you do it ho said I would not llo I did it with my hatchet and 'then he busted In tears." "Georgo Washington Is tho father of our country and ho did It with his hiltehct and ho said father I did it did the boy I deny it no did ho try to put It on some other fellow no. He did not tell no lie he I bust Into tearp." j Very Green. Thomas A'. Edison was ono day explaining explain-ing an Intricate machine to a newspaper writer. ' . ' "Do you understand?" Mr. Edison would ask. And, a moment later: "Now do you understand?" Tho poor Journalist tried to follow the swift sentences of tho Inventor, -but the effort Was vain. Every llttlo while he would have to stop and say that. Just there, ho did not quite understand; and then, sighing, Mr. Edison would begin all over again. "I know I am very green as regards machinery," tho Journalist said apologetically. apologet-ically. "On, no; I have seen grconor," said Mr. Edison. "Did I novcr tell you about tho llroman I onco mot In Canada?" "Woll. In a certain Canadian town whero I was running a telegraph office In my youth, a new factory, with a very fino engine-house, was put up. I visited this factory ono day to see the onglne. Tho engineer waa out, and tho fireman, a new hand, showed mo'abont. As we stood admiring tho engine together, 1 said: " 'What horgc-power has this cnglno?' "Tho fireman gavo a loud laugh. " 'Horse-power?' ho exclaimed. 'Why, man, don't you know that tho machine goes by steam?' " Pluck. A. P. Vrodcnburgh, th'e socrotary of tho American Kennel club, was praising tho pluck of dogs. "A good dog," he said, "has tho samo kind of pluck that old Jcromo McWado used to anow. "Jerome McWade was a farmer, 75 years old., but still hale and gay. One morning ho and his two sons got to wrangling over their strength, and Jcromo- declared that ho could load hay (fulto as fast as thoy could pitch It. " 'iTou, at your age, do that?' said the young mon. 'Never.' " 'ASc'll have a trial,' said Jerome. 'Como out to tho fields and we'll havo a trial now ' "So to tho fields they went, and Jerome got Into a hay wagon with his fork, and the two boys, down below, began to pitch tho hay up to him ao fast as thoy could pitch It. "Tho old man stood up to his work otoutly. Ho loaded with lightning .speed, and all thb while he kopt calling down; " 'More hay! More hay!' "Tho boys worked hard. Their youth told In their favor Old Jcromo got to loading more and moro untidily. Still, though, as ho scrambled about on top of tho unoven mounds, ho continued to shout: " 'More hay I' "All of a sudden ho tripped as he dug in his fork, and fell from tho wagon to the ground. " 'Aha,' oaid hla oldost son, 'what are you doing down horo7' "Jerome, as ho rose, answered: ' 'I came down for moro hay,' " |