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Show IT- n f Our CUife. and tfeer ftlomeiT) Sousings by tbe GdHor V Cfnir favorite 1 o? tDe Bronco f Twits I t .. J J H (CojiyrlRhl, liSH, by J. W. Mullcr.) H i S SOME few married men will ad- K A mlt reluctantly If pressed hard, H woman bus her faults. H During the engagement he H views them like he does, the templing B ilttlc freckles on her littlo nose. Dur- H Inpr the honeymoon he notices that B there arc more freckles than he Then comes matrimony so named. H because one of the parties to it is H mostly the mat. The other parly Is B iMan always views woman's faults with a spyglass. Before matrimony ho B beholds them through the Wrong end B the glass and after matrimony he B examines them only with the magni- B fylng lens. Matrimony is like taxation. It is B good for the community, but son.c- what joyless for the individual. It Is Hj then that man discovers woman's greatest fault. It is that she will let B him marry her. Hj Another fault that develops soon nf- H lor man has caught matrimony and H when Its first delirious fever has cjulcted down into a dull settled pain is that his wife has met. with a total j loss of the keenness of mind that led her to laugn Instr.nMy at his jokes be-fore be-fore she had led him Into ambush. She also forgets with steady reslg-nation reslg-nation to keep the bottled beer on ice. However, we did not start out to oiseues woman's faults. It seems nat-ural nat-ural to menMon them In the beginning uf every conversation, like the weather. The two topics are alike In many ways, us the condemned man said when they Hj asked him whether he would prefer to die by electricity or the rope. Woman's faults and the weather are always with HJ us, and both catch us without an um- brcila just when they, are nt their What we wanted to talk about was Hj woman's sense of justice. We dis- Hl coered this in our wife last week when we moved from the house that we had lived In for almost a month before she found another one that had better wall paper in the attic. After the house was empty she produced a Bj s-crewdriver and begged us In her shy, girlish way to unscrew the lock from the front door. (We were sarcastic B Just now In that remark about her shy, B girlish way.) B After we had unbuttoned the lock down the back and dropped its less light arguments on the toes of our wife's husbnnd, we remarked to her B that it seemed to leave a large hole In B the landlord's front door (When we wild It "seemed" "we was sarcastic.) She, notwithstanding, told us not to fl bother, because we would leave the B door around the hole, and we crept B xwny like a guilty thing. All the way B down the front stoop the hole seemed Bl like it was in our inmost soul, and as B we stole along the street we could still behold It gazing after us wide open B with the accusing look of an Indictment lor poisoning a dog. Long after the B house had dwindled away in the dls- B tancc we. could still see it, and in the B night we wandered back like other B criminals to ihc scene of our crime and B gazed at it. It was larger than the fl door itself. B This docs not seem possible. B In our sleep that night wc tossed and moaned fitfully, and next morn-nig morn-nig we had to labor to convince our B wife that when we muttered about locks we did not mean auburn ones, Bj but yale ones. When we had elicited a verdict of not proven from her she fl remarked, as she slid the more burned B part of the griddle cakes to us, that- Hj he had taken the loclc (we thought 1 until then ' that we had done ft or B rather undone it, but wc let it pass as B well as the cakes) because it was only B lommon justice. She explained that In B the house before that one she had told B the landlord that she would cither take fl the lock off and leave the door a frame j v for the cavity, or she would sell him 1 the same for 51. He agreed to buy it 1 almost at once after three hours of re- fined argument. After she moved out he asked her for the keys of It. And even af.ter she told him that she had lost them bo long ago that it didn't count, he refused to pay lhe'?L B She said that she went around to the house with a screwdriver, but when she got there she found a fami-ly fami-ly had moved In .and she then did no't like, to take the lock off. We are al-ways al-ways discovering traits in our wife that we never suspected before. Wc asked her in a timid manner what ihi3 had to do with the; other case, seeing that they was two dlffer-Hj dlffer-Hj cnt Iandlordi and we then learndd how B stem and unalterable is woman's Fnr.se j of Justice. She said that one landlord 1 had got her lock for nothing and It was 1 Wrily fair that the other landlord should B be made to suffei'. , Thoughtless persons that have never been disciplined by being got by a wife may laugh, at this, but them that 'can j see deeper will observe l.hat this Is Hl the same stern iustice that reigns j throughout nature. One man builds a 1 fire and goes away, leaving it to smoulder ar.d another- mid innocent man comes along and sno down in it and burns- his coatiailr. and ether matters. The cnattulls can oc repaired. B It is this hnplacuo'.e sence of justice bat leads 2"r, when :he grncer over-charges over-charges her tiften cents, to deck the butcher a quarter. It enables her with j a clear conscience to make the new servant work overtime because ine old 1 one left her wlihout notice. Such Is .-vomau. One man' chcals her out of $1 and she leaves a S-l hole in the pther ma,n's hart. One man incurs j her hatred and she marries another Yet our wife lovo3 to ponder in a perfectly uufllhle voice on the chances that she Ion by-Veakly .niarrylr.g us. We oftentimes tiv?n w:;h that T.'t h.vl been one of the char.vos. t Matrlrcc-ny is a , :-nsihg subject for J the n-iVctions of a bachelor, hut not m ple.-iHing for the i;e!l'ctions of him after ho ian't. Hl The trou'ole Is that woman views uunkln'1 as - ollectife enemy and an j individual opportunity. She Is forever studying how to beat us in liie race of life md yet not get ro f.xv ahead tlial one or u wont be neck and neek .vith her at tu.e :i:iuj. 1 Woman loves ministers for her hus- bands that they- have made. When a woman dossn't get the man she wants she will at once want a mnn that she can get. No woman ever Rets a man j ' she don't war.r. iUeej'.ure 'c don t i - B 1 - Matrlo'-.ony vvould not be . a . failure bo often i 'ivoinsui did not expect the mule inembi"" of Mi? Arm to aki :ui a.sslgnmont tight away unci name hor as receiver. Mnnj a mar. m;sht a boV'r husband hus-band and mo'-e limine If his wife rti.l not try to cut the coupons off him before be-fore he is ready to declare a dividend. Most matrimonial firms essay to pay too large a dlvldmnl of, hnpplncFs on too sma'I a paid-in cr.sh cupItaL of love. Matrimony and the poorhouse are two pubi'j Siis iiLionK that cost tin-communUy tin-communUy r lot ot money and give little pleasure to the Inmates. |