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Show NOW comes a man whose plea for a divorce is that lie was married while in a trance. He is not the only fellow that thinks' be was under a hypnotic spell, but he seems to be the first one that has been so un- gallant as to admit It". . ' o "It all depends on the kind of property prop-erty you have to sell," remarked a well-known well-known real estate dealer, "the class of newspapers that arc- the most profitable for advertising. If I have something extra good I would not think of placing my advertisement of that article in a publication that I bad reason to feel was not circulated among persons able to deal In the property I have; to sell. It will do to advertise miscellaneous property in the common publications. Good property should be placed before the eyes of tho thriftier classes. I make it a point to study the clientage of publications pub-lications I place my advertisements in, and I find that this inquiry is very profitable." In a plate of ice cream thero Is something some-thing like thirty million microbes. This fact should be interesting, considering the approach of the heated season. it Salt Lake clairvoyants are obliged to pay an annual license of 5200, and the fee Is payable in advance. This Is one way of beating a game that Is even more of a "sure thing against the customer" than the average slot machine. ma-chine. Two ypung men decided to make the round of tho fortune tellers recently re-cently and then compure notes. Tho "astrologers" agreed on but one propositionthat propo-sitionthat the young men were "am- , hltlous" and would, "some time succeed." suc-ceed." The manner in which they would succeed was to be reached by very different dif-ferent routes, but the result was to be the same. Three of the persons, who claim to draw their knowledge from this occult regions, bad the young' men marrying girls with all shades of hair and with varying colors cTf eyes. One of these told one of the young men to marry the girl that was lom in May. He declared that if the young man would do so that his wife would always be true to him. He had told tho 'fortune teller" that he was In doubt as to which of two girls to marry, and when he was informed that, the M.ay blossom was his huckleberry he felt so good about it .that he told the young woman about it tho next time he saw her. She wanted her fortune told, too, and hustled down fo the clairvoyant. She gave the man of mysterious knowledge a. tip by describing her lover. He had noydifilculty In creating a fortune to fit her case with surprising nicety. But the "profeusoif forgot what he had told the young man. and when he declared that while his customer would marry the man she then thought she loved, that she could never be true to him, her faith weakened. Of course these young persons compared com-pared notes, too, and they now say there is nothing in these hand-me-down fortunes, anyway. Physicians become disgusted with a class of patients that, while they pay their hills, regularly and make no complaint com-plaint about tho amount, decline to take the doctors' advice. One of these physicians had a patient who was al- ways complaining, but would do nothing noth-ing toward helping himself; He would run to the doctor every day In the week and get all kinds of prescriptions filled, but would take none of the medicine, nor heed the instructions as to his conduct. con-duct. He was one of those lazy persons who would not take the trouble to breathe If It were not an absolute necessity ne-cessity to live. One day, in the fit of disgust, his doctor took him down the line in this fashion: "Do you know what I think of you? You are too lazy to get well nnd therefore you are too Indolent to live. "Why. you will not stand and raise your arms into the air thirteen limes a day. You will not take a dozen deep breaths before going to bed. You have not the energy to rub your body one minute with a towel after af-ter you get up In the morning nnd before be-fore you retire at night. You are too Infernal trifling to do it. "To tell the truth you are too lumpish lump-ish to throw out your chest, to walk briskly around the block. You eat everything ev-erything In sight, but It does you no good. Fact Is, you are too dormant to chew your food, and I don't think you are sick, anyway. Do I want your patronage? pat-ronage? Of course I do, .but the trouble with you is you make me feel like a rogue. You compel me to charge you for prescribing nothing you will take and to collQct from you payments for nothing but 'hot air.' " aw That fellow who was sent to Jail following fol-lowing his confession that ho had robbed a plumber, deserved to have an engagement with a dime museum. Most persons would look on his feat as one of the impossibles. w ALL CORRECT. An antiseptic baby lived on antiseptic milk; ' His clothes wore antiseptic, made of an- tlscDtlc silk; In antiseptic carriages ho rode, with tlmo to spare. . Ho had an antiseptic nurse, breathed antiseptic an-tiseptic air, ' And though upon this mundane sphere hu did not long abide, They placed him In an antiseptic-coffin whon he died Smart Sot. i 4 There are plersons of prominence that will not walk under a ladder, return for a thing that they may have forgotten to take from the house, move or atart on a journey on Friday, or look at the now moon over the right shoulder. They are superstitious, but will get as mad as a wet hen If they are entered in that class. i CO Hero is the story of one fellow who has done a desperate thing to keep himself him-self from, being charged with being superstitious. su-perstitious. An undertaker had failed and his stock was sold tit auction. He bought a coifin for each member of the family. When asked about it he said: "I saw an opportunity to buy cofllns cheap. I nm always looking for a bargain, and I did not let the opportunity oppor-tunity slip. I don't see any harm in preparing for a thing which Is certain to happen. I have reason to believe that every member of my family will die some day, and It is a wise man that prepares for a rainy day." |
