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Show Choice Between Plum Jam And Writing By JANET LOWE As I sit down this afternoon to write, theie is an idea tugging tug-ging at my mind. Not an idea for writing, but the idea that the plums are ripe on the tree in the back yard and I'd rather be making plum jam. THIS SORT of choice comes along at least once a day and reminds me of the choices that many women face. Should I report to work or make the best of summer fruit? This is a miniature of the larger life choices. . . whether to have a career or to have children. . . to have both. . . whether to marry or strike out independently in the world. Everyone, ""male and female,' has to make decisions, must choose between two or 20 equally enticing en-ticing prospects. But for women, the choices are often either-or, not both. Those who try to combine the best of both worlds often find we have the dregs of each instead. in-stead. WE MAY not have the energy to be truly spectacular in the workplace and truly devoted at home. Such a realization possibly prompted the suicide of Sylvia Plath, the mental breakdown of Virginia Vir-ginia Woolf, both of them women of genius. In her book, "Silences," Tillie Olsen documents the debilitating effects of having to make such choices, though she points out that seldom does the conflict result in suicide or madness. SOME WOMEN, like Harriet Beecher Stowe, succeeded suc-ceeded in having a family and writing books of influence. But only one of her books was what might be considered her best effort. "Uncle Tom's Cabin" had been first postponed, then written slowly. Even then, Stowe felt she had more books in her. TO SUPPORT her family she was forced to write housekeeping articles for popular magazines. She cared for a large family, often without outside help. Olsen herself showed early promise as a novelist, but because of family responsibilities respon-sibilities worked as a secretary secre-tary for many years, until she was able to turn to her writing again. Since then she's published several books, won the O. Henry Award, and several grants and fellowships. WRITERS DON'T corner the market on painful choices. How many women have refused well-paid, fascinating fas-cinating jobs requiring out-of-town travel, because with children at home, travel was out of the question? How many women have become piano teachers rather than pianists, because they had to make the dedication-motherhood dedication-motherhood choice? This weekend I met for the : first time in ages a wumai, who couldn't understand the agony of such choices. To her it had been easy. "1 COULDN'T wait to get married, have kids, give dinner parties, and I've never been sorry I did." I believed her, too. Her children are almost al-most grown and she spends her time playing bridge, going go-ing to the beach, and taking tennis lessons, and she enjoys that, too. But she's been lucky. She married a man with a high-paying high-paying job, a man who wanted want-ed her to stay home and nest-build nest-build (not all men want that of their wives). SHE ESCAPED financial and social pressures that forced her outside the home. From within herself, no burning ambition objected. When I first married I expected ex-pected my life to be exactly like hers, but it didn't happen that way. And it doesn't for many women. If it isn't financial need gnawing at their heels, it's intellectual boredom, the screaming of a talent to be used, or compassionate feelings for those in need. And yet, in most women I know, there is also a longing for the other side, the domestic domes-tic side. MANY WOMEN, and men, too, feel that life without home and family would be half a life. Many want to paint the bathroom just as much as they want to paint a landscape. land-scape. My husband often reminds me, ever so gently, that a person can't be everything. . . that choices are necessary. . . unavoidable. unavoida-ble. Perhaps. But I think women should have it all if they want it. . . home, children, career, romance, travel, occasional times of peace. SO IF you'll excuse me, I'll go make that plum jam. |
