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Show J (If Jl 5 - J V Farmington Junior High Citizenship and Leadership Awards winners are front row left to right, David Harris, Tara Swain and Jeff Peterson. Back row, Risa Fowers, Michael Hancock and Holly Moves. Ninth grade officers serving Farmington Junior High School are Jennie Gustafson, secretary; and Ryan Isakson, presi-dent-vice president. - - Turning the bedroom into a battleground By CHERIE HUBER Nonsexual sex it's ruining many a relationship and turning the bedroom into a battleground. That's the concept that inspired a new book by Frank Hajcak Ph.D., and his wife Patricia Garwood, M.D., called "Hidden Bedroom Partners: Needs and Motives that Destroy Sexual Pleasures." Ms. Garwood is a native of Salt Lake City. Her grandparents are William and Norma Holbrook of Bountiful. Frank and Patricia were married in 1985 in Bountiful. The couple challenge the Freudian Freu-dian notion that sex is the primary motive of human behavior. In fact, the authors propose that sexual behavior, be-havior, in our society, is driven by repressed emotional needs that have nothing to do with sex. Dr. Hajcak says, "Modern couples are 0 having sex when, in fact, they want and need something elsc.affec- tion, intimacy, reassurance, revenge, re-venge, escape from boredom, or to express anger." Ms. Garwood explains, "We coined the term nonsexual sex to describe this practice of using sex as a vehicle to express or satisfy emotional needs that should be kept out of the bedroom. Most couples cou-ples are not even aware that they are using sex in this way." "The problem," Dr. Hajcak says, "is that sex can never satisfy these emotional needs, and couples cou-ples will feel that something is wrong or missing from their sex ! life. They end up thinking that they ! have a sex problem when, in fact, they do not." "Sex is not designed to satisfy j nonsexual needs," says Dr. Ha-1 Ha-1 jcak. He believes that too many ! couples are not communicating their feeling to their partners and are taking their problems of anger, ; frustration, low self-esteem, bore-! bore-! dom or jealousy into the bedroom. "If you go into the bedroom feeling feel-ing frustrated or angry and think that sex is going to satisfy those needs," Dr. Hajcak says "it won't, I and after sex, none of your needs will be satisfied, not even your sex-! sex-! ual needs." Not only do they feel that this book and the activities presented in it to overcome the problem will I help couples solve their sexual I problems, but will improve their lives in general. The book is filled with advise on improving self-esteem, self-esteem, recognizing anger and i i dealing with it, overcoming jealousy and so forth. The authors also tell in fascinating detail, how we have learned to misuse sex and why we continue to do so. The book is organized around each motive and offers activities to unload that motive so it will no longer lon-ger create a problem. One of these motives is self-esteem. self-esteem. The authors believe that everyone's sex life is affected either positively or negatively by self-esteem. "It is important that the person develop his or her own self-esteem by asking themselves 'What do I like about myself? What can I do?'," says Ms. Garwood. She advises setting realistic goals and giving positive feedback. "Learn to accept who you are and stop expecting perfection," she says. Dr. Hajcak, a clinical psychologist, psycholog-ist, has a private practice. His wife has had a private therapy practice for six years and has dealt primarily primari-ly with women's issues and couple's cou-ple's problem resolutions. The process pro-cess toward this book began about five years ago. "We discuss our clients in our private practices and we like to brainstorm and take notes," says Ms. Garwood. "There was a period when I saw 18 or 20 women with the same story of unfulfilled sexual needs." The women's problems prob-lems seem together formed a new pattern, one that a solution had not been found for before. "The good news," says Ms. Garwood, "is that these problems can be readily corrected. Once you become aware of these hidden emotional needs that rob you of satisfaction, you can deal with them outside the bedroom." "Your sex life, and your relationship re-lationship in general, will improve drastically," adds Dr. Hajcak. The book started merely as an article to give to their clients to help them work through their problems. prob-lems. But as they researched further, furth-er, the article grew into a book for professionals. Then, with the addition addi-tion of a lighter style of writing and cartoon illustrations, the book was revamped for the mass market. Locally, the Salt Lake City and Salt Lake County Library systems have copies of the book already on the shelves. According to Ms. Garwood, Gar-wood, the Davis County Library system has also ordered copies of the book. The book is also available avail-able on order through local book stores. |