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Show Pat's truths are for you In this zany information age when fact and fiction merge to confuse con-fuse and confound the thinking mind, simple statements and ideas are not only attractive, but compelling. compell-ing. Pat's Immutable Life Truths are simple, and they are compelling; they are immutable (undeniable, unchanging, and unalterable by the passage of time). I 4 " . . W H I 4 PATRICK MITCHELL Photo Editor Please feel free to make these five immutable life truths your own. TRUTH No. 1. Always tell the truth: This is a basic truth that is necessary for all other truths in the universe to exist. Nobody likes a "Liar, liar pants on fire," and everybody respects a man who unflinchingly, proudly, and predictably predic-tably speaks his own mind, even at the expense of offending others. This truth is the essential building block of integrity; it is the basis for honesty and fortitude, and it facilitates the construction of wisdom within the human psyche. TRUTH No. 2. Never apologize for anything more than once: This is an important life truth that I learned from a waitress while working work-ing as a banquet caterer and bartender in Idaho during college. In training me to wait tables, she passed this immutable truth on to me. I was serving a tasty dinner of Idaho trout with wild rice (I don't think the rice was from Idaho) when I erred as novice waiters sometimes do, spilling water on the table I was serving. I apologized for the mistake and wiped up the water. Later, when I brought dessert, I apologized again. Still later, as the couple prepared to leave the restaurant, I apologized for the third time. Denise, my food service mentor, couldn't stand it. She told me of the truth, and I took it to heart. She explained that if you 'apologize for something more than once the people you're waiting on will begin to anticipate failure, and will watch for it, thereby significantly reducing any tip you might receive. I needed those tips, so I took the truth to heart. TRUTH No. 3. Take your wallet with you wherever you go: This truth is, without question, one of the very truest of the true truths. How many times have you gone somewhere and, when faced with the opportunity to buy a cold Pepsi on a hot summer day, a cup of hot chocolate on a snowy winter afternoon, after-noon, or four hot-dogs for a dollar from a vendor who's having an after-lunch special, only to discover that you left your wallet in the car, on the coffee table at home, or in your pants pocket in the laundry bin. TRUTH No. 4. Always order the large: This is perhaps the most important truth of them alt I say this because there is no greater moment so satisfying, nor any dark moment so disappointing as when you order a gigantic Bar-B-Que beef sandwich with french fries and an enormous chocolate shake, or a puny BLT with a few meager potato chips and a small soda, respective- This truth is manifested in the assumption that it is far better to have too much food to eat than too little. It's birthplace is in the hypothalamus gland where crucial consumption decisions have their genesis. Order the large and you'll never be sorry. TRUTH No. 5. Take care of your teeth: This is a truth that can never be spoken too often. Those molars, incisors, and bicuspids are some of the most important assets you have going for you. Brush those teeth three times a day, and floss if you have the patience. Get in to see the dentist at least once a year. (They say you should go every six months, but that's probably prob-ably a little extreme and unrealistic, even though the premise of this truth is sound, and profound). If you have good teeth you can do almost anything. And what you can't do is made all the more endurable when you see that pearly white smile in the mirror staring back at you in the morning. In a world so turbulent and changing, unpredictable and dynamic, you might find it comforting comfor-ting to carry these immutable truths with you wherever you go so that you will be certain to remember them. And remember, if you put the truths in your wallet, you'll want to take it with you wherever you go. |