OCR Text |
Show Iligli Tims By FLORENCE BITTNER A dear little old lady I knew some years ago spent her spare time, and she had a lot of it, reading the telephone book. Quite often people said, "Granny, why do you read the telephone book?" SHE'd JUST look wise and say vaguely, "Oh, all those nice people. I like to read about ab-out them." Either she was clairvoyant or had the most active ac-tive imagination in captivity. My imagination needs a little lit-tle more to feed upon than a bare listing of names and addresses. I read want ads. ONE WHICH has afforded me hours of enjoyment said, "For sale. Double burial plot. Cheap. A real bargain." It isn't every day you get a chance to buy a used burial plot. They're almost as rare as antique shrouds. I mean, not very many people get that far along with their plans and then change their minds and decide not to go after all. REMINDS ME of that old teenaged quip, "But Mama. I don't want to go into real estate." "Shut up and keep digging." Almost next door to that For Sale sign was another ad which offered: "For Sale, brand new wedding ring. Size 5." DO YOU see the possibilities possibili-ties of that? Why wasn't the engagement ring offered too? Did she keep it when the romance ro-mance disintegrated? Did she get fat and have to have a larger lar-ger size? Did it go out of style? I decided he is a gambling addict, went out and lost his all in a poker game which his faithful fiance had begged him not to go to, and she offered their only treasure, the unused wedding ring to pay his gambling gamb-ling debts. I just hope she had enough sense to stop there before be-fore she had to hock the engagement en-gagement ring too. IN THE want to Buy section there was a request for a used bugle. Urgently needed by Boy Scout. I hurried past that one. afraid the Boy Scout might be a neighbor and one thing I don't need is a practicing practic-ing bugler. The personals are probably the most fun. A week ago I read, "Come Home, Sue. All is forgiven." What he really means is OK. I'm over being mad and it's time you quit sulking sulk-ing and besides I'm out of clean socks. I SYMPATHIZE with the lady who offers "For Sale, ladies clothing size 10, 12, 14. Sounds like we share the same problem, but I'm not selling my small sizes because I know any day now I'll get skinny and be able to wear them again. Double full skirts with half a dozen stiff petticoats will come back in style and when they do, I'll be skinny and I'll be the best dressed old lady in town. Faded, wrinkled and musty, but stylish. Most of the lost and founds are pets. Seems like people have a very difficult time hanging hang-ing onto animals. One large black dog with white spots on his face must make the rounds at least once a month. Or is it a white dog with black spots? ANYHOW. I suspect he's making the rounds trying out various cooks until he finds a house, cook and neighborhood to his taste. Some dog's life. Next time 1 live I'm going to come back as a pampered pet poodle. From the number of opportunities oppor-tunities offered in the help wanted section, it's a wonder we aren't all rich and retired and living off our incomes. There are so many chances to get rich in even edition that we must all be extremely lazy or unlucky since we're not all rich. TODAY SUE answered. "Sorry. Bob. I'm not over it yet and won't be till you agree to stop tape recording football games and playing them at meals." Football season lasts from harvest time through spring planting now, imagine having summer re-runs for dinner. SUE, YOU stick it out. Don't you go home till he gives in, and then as a make-up present, pre-sent, ask for your own tape recorder, re-corder, and if he gets out of line, you play the day's soap operas for dessert. |