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Show OPEN COLISEUM WfTHACIRCUS Republicans Have the Honor By GEX A HERN". : : t FELLA CITIZENS There's been a kind of a 'lull In political gossip the lust week on account of Babe Ruth wving- hJn. pleco of swat furnt-turb furnt-turb on a couploonord bofore ho finlsh-Jthc finlsh-Jthc swing. , Well, Rontfl, I'vo Juat been informed by my campaign manager that I won on a straw vote taken In Variflla, Pliill-j - pplno Islands. I What about the Democrats ' Haven't heard a whisper from 'cm! M But como to think about It I did see f they're ponna hold their convention H 'n ,an Francisco. The reason they' B j . f KAYS VOU COME ) ( MIGHT TRY THE ) J I picked San Francisco for their chln- nlng headquarters was probably because be-cause that's as far away as they could pot without leaving the country! Chicago always opens the summer season with a circus at the Coliseum, and tho Republicans have the honor this turn with their Jumbo. Tho Coll- - y" soum Is located out of noso range of i tho Chi stock gardens, and what used ' to bo In tho old days, an oven 500 hic coughs from loop. While in this territory, terri-tory, delegates should keep a firm finger on their tie pins and a fat thumb on their timepieces, because of talontcd bimbos with Swiss movement fingers who can lift a ticker so fast, the choo-chbo on tho casing will leave Road an Item whore tho campaign expenses this whirl aro cramped up like knees in a fllv, on account of tho H. C. L. Gotta hold tho kopeks so tight that they're oven gonna mako I the campaign ribbons out of qvorall material and tho buttons smallon. Will only bo enough room, on the campaign button for a photo of the candidate's chin. Which la all that's necessary. I didn't take In a vaudeville show this week, but noticed where the Jfl, I Socialists have nominated Debs In the Federal hoozegow for president. I All votes cast for Debs will bo forwarded for-warded to him wrapped around a stout i file! I .Mexico lends the works on presidential presi-dential campaigns. Candidate's only plank Is that he Is a good marathon runner. Candidate's delogates arc all shooting gallery proprietors. Citizens vote as fiuft as they can pull the trigger. trig-ger. Caiulldato Is elected president by counting all tho votes that are left standing. President makes Inauguration Inaug-uration spoech from balcony at noon. President quits term of office by sliding slid-ing down rope from balcony at midnight. mid-night. Well, fella citizens, .we will now rise and hum tho Prohib's yodel "Drink to mo only with near beer." (Copyright. 1920, N. E. AJj nn |