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Show I Dorothy Dix Talks 1 THE MOTHER-IN-LAW : !(Bv DOROTHY D,1X. The World's Highest Paid Woman Writer I I f Of all do.mestic problems none is so impossible, of solution as the mother-in-law problem and none so full of "trouble, And HLe the poor, It is always with 'tis. Among the hundreds of letters '.jthat I get, In which people tell me of -their woes and ask for some panacea for the ills of life, fully half deal with this vexed question of the relationship pf in-laws. p "I could bo so happy if it wore not ifor my mother-in-law who lives with ine and makes my life a torment to 'me." "My wife's mother lives with us and creates constant friction by interfering inter-fering in our family affairs." "My '(laughter-in -law makes me utterly ;miserable by the lack of respect she shows me." So run these letters. P They are piteous human documents J .because they show so much happiness ' needlessly ruined; so much sunshine 'darkened without excuse, so many i homeB made places of strife and bltter-f bltter-f nes3, instead of havens of peace and ' love, because of the daily and hourly clash, of antagonistic temperaments, j forced into too close contact One could weep over these letters !, ;and one could rage against the folly hat never learns anything from tho , .experience of others. When will peo-- peo-- pie ever realize that human nature ! 'never changes, and that miracles have Ceased to happen7 j When will they learn that no house as every yet built big enough for two families to live together In it in peace I happiness and that you cannot j; Put two women under the same roof lynhout having them give a continuous 5 'tuiderstudy of the conduct of Kilkenny I- ;Cals? fr" f Mother-In-Law Out of Place. , Enter the mother-in-law into a house oy the door, and domestic concord ' les out of tho window. We have all X IM8 nappend hundreds of times. owustlcs Bhow that the mother-In-L,( ,,a is first aid to divorce. In tho a ;?omestic relations court they will tell it 1 1 the mother-in-lnw is at tho Mttom of practically all tho squabbles wey aro called upon to settle between ' ' ill and wives- Yct, in spite of 4 'fn,i3' ra3Q men and women keep on Sducinff tbe mother-lu-law into the J la clrclo! 1 (S?0y..rnight as weI1 Put a charge of ' iBIi , under theIr hearth stones, w m uie great majority of cases mother-in-law gets in . her work and never rests' until she blows things to smithereens. And.it doesn't help matters any that she didn't intend to do it or that she is a dear, sweet, pious, Christian woman wom-an who really loved and desired the happiness of those to whom she has done as deadly a harm as malice itself could invent. The trouble is, you see, that mother-in-law is a woman and human, with all of the human woman's narrowness, jealousy, and selfishness about her child. That makes it impossible for her to look at any matter fairly, squarely and justly where her son or daughter is concerned. Also mother-in-law is growing old, she has all of the egotism, prejudices and tyranny of age.. She is no longer flexible, She can no longer adapt herself to new ways, new customs, new points of view. She is not supple and nimble enough mentally to bow to the ways of others, or to sidestep another's ideas. All she can do is to charge at thorn head down, like a bull butting into a china shop. Nono of which is conducive, to a diplomatic dip-lomatic understanding, or making her persona grata in the house of an inlaw. in-law. It is natural but unfortunate, that a mother soldem realizes that her married children belong moro to their husbands and Avlves than they do to her, and that their duties aro more to their husbands and wives than to her. To a mother her children aro always her children, and she feels that she has a perfect right to boss them and their homes, no matter how this interferes in-terferes with tho pleasures and habits of her sons-in-law and daughters-in-law. Also mother has a different code of conduct for tho way her children should treat those they marry and the way those they marry should" treat her children. Mother feels, for instance, that it is perfectly outrageous for John's wife to blow In John's hard-earned money on fine clothes, trips and amusements, because. John is her -son and John's wifo Is a mere daughter-in-law. But sho thinks Tom Is a close fisted brute if he doesn't indulge Sally in fine clothes, automobiles and trips, If Sally is her daughter and Tom a moro son-in-law. Likewise, In any family scrap that takes place sho backs nor own to a finish and can never see that the party of the other part has the slightest slight-est justice on his, or hor side. The worst feature of tho mother-in-law problem is that the old lady can never remember that sho is a guest on sufferance in another's house and that it is up to her to pay for her board by making herself agreeable. Can't Keep Finger Out of Pic. To save her life she can't keep her finger out of the pie. She can't keep from interfering ,or offering unsolicited unsolicit-ed advice. If she is a prohibitionist she reads sons-in-law a homily every time he takes a glass of beer. If sho objects to smoking she goes sniffing around tho house, and drives hfni to tho back steps with his cigarette. If sho was a thrifty housekeeper she nags daughter-in-law to death about using the best china every day. If sho objects to cards sho sulks whenever daughter-in-law plays bridge. Everything Every-thing that daughter-in-law does she has to do in the face of mother-in-law's criticism and reminiscences of the way she used to do it. This is inevitable. Tho woman who has run her own house for thirty or forty years gets as arbitrary as tho captain of a ship, and she simply can't stand by and see a younger officer in command. Especially when it's her son's ship, bought with his good money, to which she feels she has a right. And daughter-in-law and son-in-law are young and have not learned patience pa-tience and forbearance. They, too, like to boss their own ships and do as they please without the Interference of .any ancient mariner with an obsolete chart aud prehistoric compasses. Hence tho fight for authority which is the crux of the mother-in-law question. Both Are Right. The point of the whole matter Is thnt both aro right. The young peoplo have a right to run their own homes, livo their own lives and raise their own children In the way they fancy. And the old lady is right in doing her own way and believing that she's got the reliable recipe for making bread and bringing up children that ever was and that tho only correct Ideals are her own mid-victoriau ones, but tho two should not be brought into conflict. No man or woman has a right to inflict in-flict a mother-in-law on the hapless creature he, or sho marries. And no woman with a grain of affection for her children should risk their happiness happi-ness by going to live with them. Let her go to a hotel, or a boarding house, or oven an old Indies' home in preference. prefer-ence. Sho will bo better off and so will they. The only way to settle the mother-in-law question is by mother-in-law never living with hor in-laws. |