Show I MR DOOLEY ON f > ALCOflOL AS FOOJl t kJf a man come Into this 5nloon1O Mr Hcnneasy was saying 1Thhl aint no saloon Mr Doolcy interrupted This Is a resthranu IA what 1 Mr Honnossy exclaimed l leA rcsthrant said Mr Dooley Ye dont know Ilinnlssy that liquor is food It Is though Foodan dhrlnk I Thats what a doctor says In the pa apers an another doctor wants th govcrmlnt to sand tubs Iv th stuff down to lh Phllpeens He nays tis almost Isslnllal that people shud dhrlnk in thlm hot climates Th1 pres plratlon dont dhry on thlm afthcr a hard pursoot Iv 1 Aggynaldoo an th capture Iv Glnral Pantaloons de Gar shy they begin to think iv 1 home an mother slndln flown th lawn sprinkler to he flllod with bock an they go off somewhere an not beln able to dhry thlmsllvos with dhrink they want to die Th disease Is called nostalgia or homesickness or thirst 11 What we want to do fr our sojcr boys In th Phllpeens besides klllln thin says th arrmy surgeon Is make th place more homelike ho says Manny Iv our boys hasnt had th deleeryum thremens since we first planted th stars and sthrlpcs hem he-m s anVth baynlts among these people peo-ple ho says 1 wud be In favor Iv havln th rlglmlnts get their feel round wanst a week at laste he says Lave us1 he says reform th rcghitlons he says an Insthruct our sojers to keep their powdher dhry an their whistles whis-tles wet he says 4Th ideo ought to take Illnnlssy ir th other doctor laad has discovered that liquor Is food A man says he can live fr months on a little booze taken frm time to time he says Theyse a grrcat dale Iv 1 nourishment in It he says An I believe him fr mannys th man I know that dont think Iv eatIn whin he can get a dhrink I wondher If th time will Iver como whin yeII see a man sneakJn out Iv 1 lh farnJy enthrancu Iv a lunchroom hur rldly bltln a clove People may hct HO theyll carry a light dinner Iv 1 a bottle Iv rye down to their wurruk on a ma nil tell vc ho river takes more thin a bottle bot-tle Iv bder fr breakfast Th cook 11 give way to lh barllnder an th doctor II ordher people fr to ate ony at meals Yll rread In th paapers that Anton Boozlnskl while crazed with ham an eggs thrled to kill his wife tW clilldher On Pnlhrlcka day yell sec th Dr Tanner AntiFood Fife and Drum corpse out at th head Iv th procession pro-cession Instead Iv th Father Macehews an1 theyll bo places where u man can he took whin he gels lh monkeys frm Immodhrate ealln Th sojers 11 complain com-plain that th liquor was unfit to dhrlnk an lhey11 be Inquiries to find out who sold ombammin flood to th arrmy Poor people 11 have simple m lspr haps a bucket Iv beer an a little crame de mint an yeII rread In th paapers about a poor famly found starvln on lh North side with nawthln to sustain life but wan small bottle Iv 1 gin while th head Iv lh famly a man well known to lh polls splnds his wages In a low doggery or bakcshlp fuddlin his brains with custard pic Th rrlch 11 J Inthrajooso novelties raps theyll lop on a fine dinner with a little has butt or prooslc acid Th time 11 come whin yell see me In a white cap fryln a cocktail over a cooksthove while a nigger hollers to me Dhraw a stock Iv Scotch and I holler back On th lire Ye will noL Thats what I thought said Mr Hcnnessy No said Mr Dooley Whisky wuddcnt be so much Iv a luxury Itt It-t WWJ more Iv 1 a necessity I dont believe be-lieve tis a food though whin me rind SchwarizmelRlor makes a cocktail all I It needs Is a few noodles to look like a baled dinner No whisky aint food 11 think betlher Iv It thin that 1 wud dent Insult It be placln It on th same low plane as a lobster salad Father Kelly puts It rrlght an years go by without him lookln on It even at Halloween Whisky says he Is called th divle because he says It has Its place he says but Its place Is not In a mans head says he It ought to be th reward Iv action not th cause Iv It he says Its fr th end Iv th day not th beglnnln he says Hot whisky Is good fr a cold heart an no whiskys good fr a hothead hot-head he says Th mlnyll a man relics re-lics on It fr a crutch he loses lh use Iv J his legs Pis a bad thing to stand on a good thing to sleep on a good thing to talk on a bad thing to think on If Its In th head In th monin it ought not to be in th mouth at I If night If it laughs In ye dhrlnk I some It It makes weeps swear off men talk like good women an some It Is a women talk like bad men Hvln fr orators an th death iv bookkeepers book-keepers It doesnt sustain life but whin taken hot with rather a lump Iv sugar a piece Iv 1 limon peel unJust It Just nutmcggraler lh dustin Iv a makes life sustainable Dye think yecrsllf It sustains life asked Mr llcnn ssy It has sustained mine fr manny years said Mr Dboley Copyright 1000 by R II Russell |