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Show I Tongues and I Cheeks j I By Jay Ifa in s ley 1 you wind around your bushes. Each guaranteed to send the neighborhood dogs scampering'. But are they guaranteed not to send your neighbors scampering too? Each page is an adventure as you pick out your favorite $1.98 item. Here's some more jewels: What good, in all honesty, is a tray of nude ice cubes or a rotary nose hair trimmer? These, along with hordes of other fascinating gifts "for the man who has everything" are described to us in the little mini-gift catalogs that sneak into our home along with other so-called junk mail. Have you ever skimmed through one of these catalogs? Oh sure, there is the occasional item you can really use, maybe a tube of shower tile glue or some such thing. But for the most part the usefulness is hard to find. Check these out: Oven Rack Push-Pull Tool; described as a clever wood tool with hooks to push the oven rack in and out. What ever happened to the good old fork? or hot pad? Nude Forks: "Beautifully bare lasses hook handily onto glasses and they spear hors d-oevres with their toes." Wow, is all I can say. Notice there was no exclamation ex-clamation point after that wow. Complete fishing kit fits into palm of hand: "Snap apart float contains hook, line and sinker, plus fish-tempting plastic worm." Sure, sure. The only trouble with that is you only catch plastic fish. For sure you won't catch anything you can eat. Pet repellent: they offer drops, pellets, wicks, spray, and the little thingamabobs Expandable cancelled check file: The description says it comes with 12 handy compartments and then adds, paran-thetically, paran-thetically, "one for each month." Oh, really. We couldn't have figured that one out by ourselves. How about a dental floss holder so you don't have to touch it? Miracle plant stimulators, again in pellets or spray. Belly Dance record course. Ashtrays, shaped like "Little johnnys", frogs, crabs, and everything else imagineable. Love this one: "Fork and knife in one utensil." So what is so wrong with having them separate? Hand a European a utensil with the knife and fork in one and he couldn't eat for a week. Just a couple more: Marriage pillow.t?) Spray on "magic" fish lures. Third Arm Tongs. Thinking Man's toilet tissue (a new crossword puzzle on each square, complete with suction cupped pen holder.). "To keep the mind honed while the body's enthroned," or so it says. And of course the ever-present ever-present "Surprise Package. Order yours today. Who knows what you'll receive. Maybe some magic bath crayons,. ...or a two-handed mug.. ..or an ashtray shaped like an Iron County Record. . . or . . .. |