OCR Text |
Show : ) I m A Line o' Type or Two I . j lay cc quu vouldras.' j By B. L. T. "The belief that liquor stimulates the ap?t-f.ite for foud is an erroneous out." i ayy Mr. Townsund of the Majestic ho'.ul. ill Gouiam. Nevur, then, has another er-j er-j roneouj helu-i been so ions cnenshed. Anyone familiar with the Iliad knows th.it food is a thou horn for mure wine. aiM wine a .shoehorn fur mora food. W'e refer, of course, to heroic eaters and drinkers, not to the mere hotel suest. Oh, Something About a- Vale of Tears. j Sir: At a wedding yesterday the ladies were quite lachrymose, you know, une, however, was dry eyed, and she turned to me with rhe pathetic statement. "OM, dear, i really want to cry, but I have on my glasses and a veil." What should 1 have said? " J. C. T. Mr. Mark Sullivan may he interested in this ca.se: ''.My husband," relates a reader, "did a job of turning for a man reputed to be wealthy. He removed the shingles from a roof, and turned all except ex-cept those which were Impossible; these tew were replaced by new ones. The last I heard about this man he was said to have refused Liberty loan salesmen to solicit in his factory." Take A Slant at This, A. K. (From the Waukeean Gazette.) Probably there is no greater reader in Vatikeg;tn than V. K. Bowes. He not only reads practically all the Chicago Chi-cago and Milwaukee newspapers thoroughly thor-oughly every day, but finds time to peruse high-cla&s books of all kinds, both current and literary gems produced pro-duced years ago. "I never could got to Detour, either," communicates Jezebel, "hut recently, on a train, I passed through Derail, which seems to be a fairly thriving village, although al-though some of the houses need paint." The Lemon Picker. I advertised for a scullion, General housework, two adults, two children, chil-dren, no washing. And got ten applications, from which I chose the most promising. She came, and did the first night's dishes like a whirlwind. And the next day I found the dishes were not very clean And that she couldn't cook, And that where she had worked before they had a man To run the vacuum sweeper. And the next day she told me That she didn't care especially about children, And that she couldn't hurry eo fast In hot weather, And that where there were two bathrooms bath-rooms she thought You ought to have some one in extra to clean silver. And, anyway, ten dollars a week wasn't so much when there were Four in the family. So I told her it was all I could pay For a house guest, Unless during her visit she could knit me one of those crocheted Sweater things for outdoor wear while hanging out the dipes, Or else play chess well enough to keep my- husband home evenings. Because, rully, after I have done the cooking, Aand washed the dishes, and run the vacuum sweeper And cleaned the silver, and the bathrooms, bath-rooms, And cared especially for the children, I am too tired at night to care Whether it i.s the king or queen that pawns the castle. H. B. S. ' A Real Discovery. Sir: "Everywhere in the world." says Hilaire Belloc, "one can look In and in, and never find an end to one's delight." With n mind, like Coieridse's, habituated to the vast, T was reading today my fourth Ibanez book it is Labor - day when a wave of 'delicious indolence rolled up, and my eye rested upon tho English Clergy List on a corner of the library table. At random I opened. And now, 0 chief o the Seraphim Illuminati, rejoice re-joice with me, for I have found the Rev. Paschal Lamb, vicar of Drayton Wilmcot, Hants. Xor was here an end to my delight, de-light, for but anon. P. D. S. "A reservation is an assent with a big 'but'." Dr. Wilson. Although "tut! tut!" I may Occasionally say, I never use a big. big "But." This Paper Has A Live Advertising Department. (From the Escanaba Press) A white nanny goat was stolen yesterday from the Kscanaba Brew-! Brew-! ing company's barn. The identity of I the thief is known and unless prop-! prop-! erty is returned In forty-eight hours the thief will be arrested. Estray Goat came to my place. Owner may have same by paying charges. J. F. Nehls, State Road. ' Phone 6G9-W. "Studying the trademarks on my favor! fa-vor! 1 e Brie and Camembort," writes a California man, "I discovered that it was made by the Xew York French Cheese company of Nova to, Cal." Happily Married, Friend husband sits in his easy chair I Under the reading lamp. His maeazine displays an article, "Why Men Fall Out of Love," Featuring divorce statistics. He regards me contemplatively. His unguarded eyes Mirror his thoughts. "My wife is good-looking, even after all these years. But I know women Far more beautiful." (These "buts" are in small typo In the back" of his mind.) "She has a sunny disposition. But I know women "With whom a little heated argument Is mlghtv entertaining. She is thrifty gets full value For every dollar she spends. But I know women Who spend less. She's a wonderful cook! No other woman touches her there' His expression holds affection, Pleasant memories, and content. ITe lays his hand on mine And says, enthusiastically, "Dear "Wasn't tha t a good dinner we had tonight?" to-night?" 1 am wrapped In security. IRIS. "Auto and Man Turn Turtle." Worcester Wor-cester Telegram. Add Nature Notes. What's A Sport Shop? (From the Little (N H.) Courier.!) Yn Ira Virginia Reel of I'iiiladel-ladics' I'iiiladel-ladics' sport shop, free of all Incumbrance; Incum-brance; paying proposition; very highest high-est class clientele. Vanity Fair Shop, Titi Mauisou avenue. Lamped by V.. IC T. In the postofflce j at Kilbourn, Wis.: "Mail train No. 68 is due at 7:17 p. m. P. O. closes at 6:C0 p. m." Salute Partners! (From the Littleton N. II.) Courier.) Dr. Ida Virginia Reel of Philaedl-phla, Philaedl-phla, Pa., Is spending her vacation at the homo of Mr. and Mrs. Ray T. Oile. "Stop Pmoke, Armour Told." Headline. WhaL'h we do for hams? |