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Show I O BY (SEQBGE ABE. Jfi I It jt NCE upon a time a Lad I'll with Cinnamon Hair and j: wide blue Eyes lived in a H i half -portion Town. 3 1 He had received more than 2 I 2000 Tickets for . answering g I "Here" at the M. E. Sunday B. School. . jS, His itfnfolk hoped that some yff day he would be President of the jl'Town Board. M Shortly after he had learned i Jl" to roll a safe game of Pool, his 4; Governor demised, t ; Robert, such being the polite ) ' IMonicker of the sole Heir, found :lthat he could not spread his Pinions in the narrow Streets gbf the lichen-covered Hamlet. in1! So he blew. He went to find 1 :.an Avenue that would accommo-v accommo-v j date seven Zeppelin Air-Ships yfj jmoving abreast at one time. 7 l He closed out the Dry Goods JfEmporium with the Shirt- '! jWaists and the shameless Hos- liery in the Windows. jj ; An Apartment Building, with $ -Packages delivered at the rear, 1 -soon began to flaunt itself on jthe site of the old Manse. .1 i. With all the currency cor- Iralled by the late Store-Keeper 3? i padded into his Norfolk Jacket, the gallus Offspring hurried to 'nK! lithe Metrop to pick the primer prim-er I roses. 5 v:! i In a short time he was out at c5; jthe track every day, barking at the Goats as they hove into the f Stretch. M The pencil-borrowing Touts fand the Wine-Pushers began to II ifj call him Bob, which proved that Ul lie was a Man about Town, i ivc When the final Kif lukus was tput on the Ponies, he assembled ithe residue of his Bundle and be-SJ be-SJ gan to work steady as a Guesser tcn1( , in a Broker's Office. His Job was to show to 10 G. Ato'ijPk a 8" Reina Victoria at rtz0Jrone extreme corner of his Face idv$an3 pretend to know what was a upcoming off when the Boy put the hirtunny marks on the Blackboard. p hi5j Ever and anon he would buy th'3l000 Shares of something, as if !tlQ Negotiating for a Bread-Ticket. As a rule, the tall-grass safffj Plunger with a wad of new jfCale as aou the same per-t per-t Rentage in his favor as that en-hrefl( en-hrefl( tfoyed by a Shoat out at the well-alutefi well-alutefi 'known Establishment of Ar-m Ar-m Jj Jmour & Co. t it The Cleaners go forth to meet tfudhhim, bearing as Gifts a Dream-nn' Dream-nn' $Book and a new kind of Cock-ar Cock-ar Mail with a Kick like a Coast De-en De-en Sfense Gun. SS? i ew weecs er they are 6 i Siting lots for his Union Suit. -man rrel $ t came up f rom Simpville, n 0,n e nad acquired a couple of z natJVrinkles associating with the ffitb Wing Shots in the Paddock. feclifl' He could shift to either Foot Ihuand he kept his Maxillary cov-an' cov-an' I? jred. I f Sometimes he picked up the vrong Walnut. It would begin J 3 ip like a quick change from agtcp Jjaviar to Crackers. 0 1 ajj More than once his Heels kggnjj jjere beating a tattoo on the aratW' Tassy brink of a Precipice. mef a, Then he would smell around ireaty , ntil he discovered Something s car J foing. A couple of lucky Shots "d he W0Uld be 011 the Plush ate 3 ?ain and wnail2ing away like but ? pemon. ess i$ At last with a Bull Market and in't sU system of Pyramids, he begaji lJ , sweep it in with his Fore- " l l Head Waiters paid him the most groveling Attentions and bright eyes grew brighter yet when he suggested pulling a little lit-tle Supper, with a $400 Souvenir Souve-nir at each Plate. He was admitted to full membership mem-bership in the Tango Tribe of the Tenderloin Night-Biders. This select Coterie was organized organ-ized for the purpose of closing all Cabarets by 6 A. M. An early hour was named because be-cause many of them were not made up for the cold Daylight. About the time he began to discover Vintages he discovered Elphye also. She was an Actress who was too busy to perform on the stage. Elphye had a good Social Position Po-sition back at herHome, but for some reason, she never sent for it. Her Parents had arranged for her to be a Brunette but when Bob met her between the Guinea Hen and the Cafe Parfait, she was a Lemon Meringue. Elphye wore Clothes that .made a noise like a Piccolo. She was there with the jeweled jew-eled Heels and the hand-painted Ankles. In trying to make her gowns anywhere from six to nine months ahead of Paris, .she sprang several Effects. She had abolished her Shape entirely and abandoned the Perpendicular, Per-pendicular, preferring a Droop which indicated that possibly she had been fashioned over a 1 Barrel. She tried to model herself oh the lines of a string Bean, slightly slight-ly warped by the Sun. The Ascending Star of the Financial Fi-nancial World was stunned by the Apparition. : No one had tipped it off to : him that the Queen of Sheba 1 was to be reincarnated, i He found Elphye ever and ever so accomplished. She knew all the Songs that now blister the Varnish off the Pianos in so many well-ordered Homes. She was enough of a Contor- nma i - . J The New Fable of the Aerial Performer, the Buzzing Blondirce and the Daughter of Mr. Jackson (Copyright, 1913, by the McClure Newspaper Syndicate.) tionist to get away with several Dances named for the innocent Poultry. Being a close student of the Bill Boards, she ' was in touch with Current Happenings. Her Eye-Work was perfect, but she found it hard pumping to Blush at the right time. When she tackled Polite Con- His job was to show at 10 G. M. with a big Reina Victoria at one extreme corner of his Face and pretend to know what was coming off when the Boy put the funny marks on the Blackboard. versation she put a few Tooth-Marks Tooth-Marks in it. Still she made a very creditable Stab for a Girl brought up in Michigan and never east of Sheepshead Bay. She looked very creamy to Bob, if the music was loud liked to tow something that would cause the Oyster Forks to pause in midair and the Catty Ones to reach for their Hardware. When Elphye did a little Bar-num Bar-num and Bailey down the main Chute of a Terrapin Bazaar, rest assured that every Eye in the Presort was aimed at her gleaming Vertebrae. Bob showed her his monthly Statements and she confessed to being very fond of him. So it was planned that they would Marry some afternoon, if she could get away from the Masseuse Mas-seuse early enough. The Troth was pledged in a few high-priced Trinkets which she had decided upon before he spoke to her. Just when it seemed a mortal Pipe that the Bull Tactics would enable him to cop a million, so that he could live at a Hotel and finance the Little Queen, the Unseen Superintendent in the Tower began to throw the Switches of Destiny. If Bob had not speeded so far into the Country in the new Smell-Wagon, thore would have been no Blow-Out. If there had been no Blow-; Out, he would have been back in time for the usual round-up of the Irrigation Committee and never would have been a Great Financier. Marooned among the Hay-Fields, Hay-Fields, he stopped at a Farm House and took a long chance on some Well-Water, dipped in a Gourd from the Moss-Covered Bucket. Scotch Whiskey is never contaminated con-taminated by Surface Drains, but each sparkling Drop of the Fluid that Bob quaffed, there beneath the Willows, contained more than 2,000,000 of the Germs made notorious by Dr. Woods Hutchinson. A few days later a swarm of Bees settled in each ear. Every Sky-Scraper gave an imitation of the Leaning Tower of Pisa. He knew he was out of Kelter but he had to watch the Board, for he had put every Bean in the World on an acrobatic Industrial known as Tin Bucket Preferred. Already the Paper Profits were enormous. Bob figured confidently on another Whoop of 50 points and a double string of Pearls for Elphye. But when the poor Loon had a Temperature of 5 above Par and had to cling to the Brass Rail to keep from taking the Count, he lost his Nerve entirely. en-tirely. He couldn't see anything on the Horizon except Tariff Revision, Revi-sion, Hard Times, Weeping Women, Wo-men, Starving Kiddies, Closed Factories, Soup Kitchens and Bread Lines. While in this dotty State and quite irresponsible, he directed the Manager to close out the whole Smear and sell short. Furthermore, he was so daffy and curdled in the Filbert that he sold three times as much as he had. Then he did a couple of Spins and a Flop, and the White Ambulance Am-bulance bore him away to the big Hospital. ! If Mr. Homung Jackson of Round Grove, Maryland, had not entered upon his Second Childhood Child-hood at the age of 55, his Family Fam-ily would have remained on Easy Street. Mr. Jackson thought he could sit in his Front Room and read the burglarious Meditations of the High-Binders in Wall Street. Consequently, when the Tin Box was searched, the Day after the Masons had marched out to the Cemetery, it contained a little lit-tle of everything except Assets. Annie was the name of the Daughter. On the Clean-up she received enough to put her through the School. When Bob arrived at the Hospital, Hos-pital, in a State of Conflagration, Conflagra-tion, Annie was waiting in the starched Uniform to tackle her first real Case. For days and nights he rambled ram-bled through the ghostly labyrinths laby-rinths of Delirium, Annie holding hold-ing him by the Hand and lifting i the cool Draughts to his parched Lips. ; He mumbled and raved about; the decisions of the Umpire in the game between the Academy and the Knitting Works. j He gave Annie his entire per- f ormance of Ralph Rackstraw in "Pinafore" for the benefit of the Library Fund, including Cues. He scolded his Aunt Mary for doing her own House-Work and told the Colored Men how to lay she had been with him on the Underground. ! Then he recalled a previous' Existence in which the Dripped Absinthe was a Breakfast and the Cigarette a Luncheon and Elphye was Trotting in her Glads and had a Swell Bet down on Tin Bucket Preferred. The whole Lay-Out seemed unreal and remote and entirely disconnected with Friend Nurse. He inquired the Day of the Week, and, when -he learned it was Next Month he started to get right up and put on his Things. Annie quietly spread him back on the Pillow and laid down the Law regarding Rest and Quiet. Then he begged her to ring up McCusick & Co. and get the latest lat-est Bucket Preferred. He said he had plastered his He liked to tow something that would cause the Oyster Forks to pause in mid-air and the Catty Ones to reach for their Hardware. the Cement Walk down through the Grape Arbor. He promised his Father not to play Poker any more and vowed to his Mother that she was a better Chef than the one up at Del's. But his sub-conscious Self was so considerate of Elphye that he never brought in her Name at all, at all. Sometimes he would get back to the Ticker, but lie was ready to leave it any time to go fishing fish-ing in the Crick with the Rats from the other side of the Tracks. Through the final Crisis he I played tag with the Grim Reaper Reap-er and just escaped being It. The Sun was slanting into the little white Room when he crawled feebly back to Earth and tried to get his Bearings. Annie was looking right at him, relieved and smiling, and happy. She had won her first game in the Big League. He noticed that she was not slashed up the side or down the back, had no metallic Insteps, carried her own Hair, and was in no way concealed behind the usual pallid Veneering. He remembered dimly that last Samoleon and not being there to watch the Board concentrate con-centrate his wonderful Trading Instinct on every flicker of the Dial, there was no telling what the Bone-Heads had done to him. You see, he had no recollection whatever of going Short, for he had been in a Walking Delirium at the time and crazy as a Cubist. Cu-bist. Annie said it was wrong to Gamble and he was not to read the Papers or fuss with Visitors until Doc gave the word. Suddenly he remembered that he was engaged to Elphye and he wondered if she had forgotten. forgot-ten. So many things can happen in a Great City within two weeks. He told Nurse about Elphye. Annie did not seem madly interested inter-ested but she wrote a Note to the Sazerack Apartment Building Build-ing and notified the Seraphine that her prospective Producer was still extant and would be willing to renew acquaintance if she could spare an hour or two from her Dancing. Elphye came out two days later made up as a Princess in the Christmas Pantomime and diffusing pleasant Odors in all directions. . She sat down alongside of An- nie and immediately she was shown up and went back to the H Minors. H Her Second Reader Conversa- H tion, complicated with the pho- H ney Boston sound of "A" as in H "Squash," did not improve her H General Average. Bob suddenly realized that in H getting rid of the Brones and H the Nicotine and various other H Toxins, he also had lost his ap- H petite for Elphye. H But he was Game and willing H to go through on his own Propo- H sition. H He sent Nurse for a glass of H Water and then begged his Fi- H ance to smuggle in a Newspaper H so he could find out the name of H his getting-off Station. H Next day she brought him a H Market Page in her wonderful H jewel-crusted Bag. H Bob took one Look and crawl- H ed under the Covers. H The Market had gone Blooey. H Bucket Preferred was down to H the Subway, bleeding from a H dozen Wounds. H The Whole List was on the H Blinkety Fritz. H "Courage, Dearie," said Bob, H taking Elphye by the Rings. H "Your little Playmate is erased H from the map." H Elphye upset two Rolling H Chairs and one Interne getting H from the Convalescent Depart- H ment to the Open Air. H Annie found the poor Bank- H rupt much improved as to Pulse H and Temperature. H He told her the whole Story H of how his Lady Fair had can- H ned him because he was no long- H er a Live One. H She held his hand and pushed back his Locks and told him that any Girl with a Heart would H stick closer than ever to her Selection when he was under the H Rollers. Just then a Messenger from McCusick came in and showed Bob that by going Short and standing pat he was $1,800,000 to the Desirable. After that, Bob was known up and down the Street as The Wizard. Annabelle, remembering how they had got to her Father, made him cut out the Margins and put the whole Chunk into listed Securities and Real Es- jH He wanted to stick around and parlee up to a Billion, but she raised a most emphatic Nixey. He was so used to taking or-ders or-ders from her as a Trained Nurse that he cut out speculat-ing speculat-ing and plaj'ed Safe. The whole game was punk for months after, so every one said he had been a Wise Mug for backing away. ! The Missus allows him a light one (mostly Vermouth) before Dinner each evening, and has taught him a private Signal which means that she is ready to duck and go Home. At present they are in Paris where she is working to get the same hilarious Tout Ensemble formerly exhibited by Elphye, the Ex-Empress of the White Light Reservation. The latter went to see a Law-yer Law-yer when she learned that she had been tricked out of her Hap-piness. Hap-piness. Unfortunately for her, she had nothing on Robert, thanks jl to his native shrewdness and Mr. Bell, who invented the Tele-phone. Tele-phone. She is now playing Utility Parts in a Stock Company in Pennsylvania. The Jewels pelt-ed pelt-ed at her by Bob are much ad-mired ad-mired by the Gallery. Moral: The City holds no Peril for those who cherish Lucky Ideals. |