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Show 1 oneTgaMIrong fl j I if-i , alTBLL you 'vhat 11 Ls sald Co1-1 1 M i WW - , r - -i.1 In,'. M Gabster. as tho automobile! Wt ... 5B' ' .tLaS I "Go w for fl, w ,8-i 1 fTBLL' yoU Vhat 11 ls" sald Co1' j!' "1 Gabster, as the automobile th5r J whizzed by us, leaving a wave of tr' asphyxiation In Its tracks, "why llij. on earth people leave town at tf I this season of the. year stumps me. If cvor there was a spot ijjf ; f designed by nature for man's en-, cc!-M ' joyinent, little New York is it. I kpow " 4 seven places In town where you can oji'vl - - set fresh air. If you want a swim tht.il there's a pond that's bigger than the X ' whole continent right at our front Kate, and when it comes to food, what i I jfil 'ou can'1 Set In tn'3 town can't be had ; , anywhere." ' ;1 "Well, Colonel," said T, "perhap? some -a people need a change of air." uijt - "Change of air? Well, what of that? y,i Is there a single change or air In tho I ' ""nole eamut thret Isn't rung some-I some-I yherc in the city of New York? If you don't like the iilr of Fifty-ninth street, why go gallivanting off to Maine for a change, when you can get a more radl-d radl-d cal one by taking an "L." train down to Jr Houston street and walking two blocks "te west to Mulberry? If you can't stand j the air of Mulberry street, hie yourself y northwestward to the gas region at ,0a Sixty-fifth street and Tenth avenue ja 'lnd J'0"'11 Set something of the strenu-fi strenu-fi ou order that you won't forget in a j'M hurry. Nl 'If you don't like that, run south- tjM ward to the pier region and sniff all fj3 that delightful variety of zephyrs that that nblghborhood provides free of .ml. charge every day In the year, Sunduya and holidays included. Why pay seven ?A J dollars a day for one chunge of air In ;H some place 500 miles from home when ! vour own lown presents you with flfty-(jfi flfty-(jfi , seven varieties within 'an hour's walk .; of your hall bedroom? Atmospheri-m Atmospheri-m callv. my friend," the Colonel con-fil con-fil eluded, "you have the grand tour of It kurope right here In the city. If you don't believe it, take that trip to Mul- 4 ? 1 ... l,ll,lfll.rl 1 Tl If If I doesn't suggest Naples to you, I miss iny guess." Overwhelming Comparisons. "That's very true," said I, speaking to the point as to Naples, "but Naples 1 lias its Pompeii and Its Capri." "Pompeii and Capri!" retorted the Colonel. ' "What of it? New York has , its Forty-second street and Its Coney." "What has Forty-second Street to do with It?" T demanded. ' "A most picturesque ruin, my dear K hoy," quoth the Colonel, dodging a : passing trolley and perforce leaping Into In-to the hansom speeding rapidly along-on along-on Its other side. "A picturesque ruin alongside of which Pompeii becomes as a domestic ash heap and a thing of naught," he resumed, ns, after apologizing apolo-gizing for his intrusion to tho lady In the cab, he rejoined me on the slde-' slde-' walk. "What boots the Ithinefela castle cas-tle on the Rhine alongside the public library-fels on Forty-second 'street when it comes to a scene of sheer chaos' Where in nil Hcrculaneum do i ,( you llnd deeper excavations than those j. . which greet your eye on every side. '. where the subway contractor lurks?" . "Ah, but the desolation of Hercula-f Hercula-f i neum!" I put In. if. , "'Tis but the desolation of the dead," 11 retorted the Colonel. "Forty-second It Street presents the desolation of the llv- 12 Ing, which Is Inllnltely more pathetic. Bp No, my friend, your point as to Porn-,V. Porn-,V. pell does not hold good. Nor will your ff V A allusion to Capri fare a whit better JY while Coney, glorious Coney, lures men j on wth her siren voice. The skies of i Coney are Just as blue, tho neighboring l , waters quite as Iridescent, the sense of banditti lurking nqar every bit as JJtrong as ton that other Islo thousands c-f miles asay." f "Ho"' I jeered "You overlook the en- chantment of Capri." j, Romance of Coney. "No," replied the Colonel. "It 1? not that. I do not forget the romance of Coney. If ycu envy the bird that flies, loop the loop at Coney, and the wings of heaven are yours. Do you sigh for J. the .songs of the troubadours? Gon-l Gon-l dole thyself In the canals tljat meander k throughout this Island of dreams and . the gondolier will sing you the songs ( that cause men and women to remember remem-ber or forget, as the case may be, that they have souls and that those souls ' cira ever seeking their allinities. Would Iyou wale an Alp? Seek the heights of Coney's chu.teB and then come down again as all the many thousand chuters do, and you wijl have had an experience experi-ence alongside of which coasting down Mont Blanc seems inconvenient, cheerless cheer-less and fatiguing," "And Vesuvius? Do you forget Vesuvius'" Vesu-vius'" I asked. ; "Pah' Vesuvius!" sneered the olonel. "What New Yorker cares for . Vesuvius with the fireworks pf Cqnev island within easy reach, and for nine months of the yeur-our Thespian Popocatepetl Popo-catepetl William Gillette at hand to cioud the heavens with smoke?" I was silent. To argue for a foreign . -i"'1 w'th one so satisfied was futile. Yiri,?,11 a an Goes so far na to compare NNlUlam GJllette to Popocatepetl, the : m, f disputation becomes mute. I T .f.ond r mountain climbing, pabater." said I. "That's where I've , got you on your old New York. You can talk all you 'please about your ft rJJn'?y "M1 and "the 'chances the town f affords for a man to climb Into society, I . i but I defy you pn that score. Murray hill Is a depression alongside of ' the Adlrondacks, and to scalelhc heights of society costs more' "than "a wJpk In the White mountains." New York's Alpine Heights. "That for your qefl." sold the Colonel, snapping his fingers and graciously granting pardon to a young' newsboy "who In his mad haste to secure a fcus-tomer fcus-tomer had butted him In the stomach. "To pay SIS to be launched at the foot of 'Mount Marcy or Mount Washington, ; with this city reeking with skyscrapers, I muuwj. i vk; U11II1UUU a hundred hills In my day, and therp's nothing In It to compare with the walk from the bar in the Hoffman liouse to tho top of the Flatlron building, If climbing is what you're after, and, what Is more, rt Is infinitely safer. If you slip and brealc your leg there's an elevator handy to take you back to Mother Earth again, and I defy you to And anything of that sort on any of your much-vaunted hills In your gcven-dollar-a-day resorts." "It's rather a. humdrum expedient, -though, don't you think?" I queried "Off in the mountains you stand a chance of meeting a Dear or a deer or something to give excitement to the effort." '"Sir, I've seen fiercer beasts than nun I'C la11.nnn l I Tt. . .V -w v.tWM xivuman anu mo flatlron. I've seen bulls and bears. I ve seen bunko birds, and, for deers, Twenty-third street is full of 'em-dainty 'em-dainty fluffy, pretty little things, alongside of whom the startled fawns of the Adlrondacks are flat, stale and unprofitable. And tame some of 'em are as lame as kittens." "Oh, well," said 1, with a laugh, "nobody "no-body could dispute you on that point. Anyhow, you never met any rattk-rs on that climb." not a,wavs a pleasure," said the Colonel, "but If you want serpents, 1 11 give you a card of introduction to my friend Bill the Cold Drink Man, up irt that neighborhood, and he'll mix you a 'Remsen Cooler' some night that will make you think you've stumbled Into tho snakehouse up In the Bronx park before morning." "Nevertheless, there is a monotony about your New York climbing." I ventured, ven-tured, as a last resource. "Off In the hills you can jump from crag to crag with an anteloplan grace that add3 materially ma-terially to your self-satisfaction," "Tut!" said Gabster. "Twice that! If you cannot get nil the jumping you need In crossing Twenty-third street to keep from being run over by the trolley trol-ley cars, the automobiles, the brewers' wagons and the hansom cabs, you ought to get a job somewhere as a "human "hu-man grasshopper. If Jumping from crag to crag Is a thing you Insist oh, try to stand at the junction of Herald square and Thirty-fourth street some j afternoon about C o'clock and I'll guarantee guar-antee that this anteloplan streak In your make-up will be crushed out forever." for-ever." "Don't you care for hunting?" I suggested. sug-gested. "You bet I do," replied the Cofonel enthusiastically. "Fishing and bird hunting are ideal sports for me, and when the season is on for trout or game v j 7W TAME pK pf J-WEHTY' TfilRD STREET T l ' birds you And me hotfooting It for the front. Ah, my boy, (here's a dash of islmrod In the old Colonel, and Izaalc vvdlton would have found In Gabster a congenial spirit." "Precisely," said I, warming up for a crushing plow. "And where, Mr. James W. Nlmrod, in this summer Paradise Par-adise of yours do you flnd the game bird and the speckled bpauty?" "Every whcie." vas dabster's as-toundlnc as-toundlnc ronlv. "Trout?" I cried. "Aye, trout, and In every style," said the Colonel. "Trout meunlere, trout en gelee, trout a la plank, trout frold a la maltre d'hotel. trout a la mode' trout fin de slecle. Aftd t6 get It. all you have to do is to bult a waiter with a quarter, cast him firmly but surely In the direction direc-tion of the cuisine and In five minutes the speckled beauty" ilea tjefore you, a toothsome appearing object .that makes your mouth water like a babbling brook just to look at It. No "black flies to bother you, as In the wood! no ants crawling Up your legs, as In the forest. No bloated monoppllst standing by with a gun to ordor you off hjs fishing preserves, but a smiling Boniface at the door Instead, who Overwhelms you with polite beseochments to sit you down and 1111 your basket with anything he has In the building." "At fo'dr fifty "a jflll!" I jeered. "What of it?'r retorted' the Colonel. 'Tve spent ?02 for an eel and two pounds ot sunflsh up In the Adlrondacks, Adlron-dacks, not to mention sevdn days of misery sleeping In a tent frequented by a band of lusty mosquitoes, who regarded re-garded me db a special free lunch prepared pre-pared l!or Ihqm by a smiling Providence. Provi-dence. "Then the game, my boy. The whirring whir-ring partridge' brolltid and served with bread sauce and currant Jelly, the Scotc'h grouse l'oasted and larded until it melts In your mouth like butter; the ruddy duck swimming- Ih Jts own magenta ma-genta gore bolstered up on either side by delicate chunks of fried hominy, the young gosling, its baby honking forever for-ever stilled, drowned, as It were, In apple sauce; the squab lying peacefully peace-fully before you, ne'er to squabble more; the quail on Its bier of toast all these beauteous birds ready to your taste, with never a risk of shooting your uiuniLrin appenuix witn two barrels .full of bird shot through a careless handling of n gun. "Why go to all the trouble of traveling travel-ing 200 miles Into the country to get all these things when you can get 'em all right here, where you can also have the free run of your own bathtub without with-out paying a dollar every time you turn on the shower? "Why brave the ear-racking riot of the summer hotel band when every morning at dnwn your friend Lulgl from 'Sunny It' wheels his barrel organ underneath your window and lets forth a ripple of laughing water and coon songs galore falling down stairs for us long a time as you will, and who will depart If so be you pay him a nickel? I tell you. I wouldn't swap pff my little old brass cot In my humble hall bedroom bed-room here In tQwn fpr' the softest, proudest billiard table at 50 cpnt's an hour in all New Hampshire, o "If I pine for the birds I can get them at any restaurant. If I seek tho lowing low-ing klnp I can stancfon Riverside drive and hear them low on the cattle trains. If I pine for a little glimpse of the green I can well I have a friend on ipe police force who tells me what wheels are spinning and where the' cloth Is laid. Why) therefore, prute to me of going away for the summer with so much richness here to beckon me to sweet peace and happiness'" "Oh, well, Colonel," said I, giving up. . 0 ' whin , Thoyst go" somewhere Snow to Um,Q COmes "V1 i "AhV.l ?nJd tne Colonel, suavely "that g3oS;nel3t0rr:r- ere Wu'S.A gospel ,truth, for verily New York Is no summer resort for wives. Indeed, If I tvere married, I thliik. Td " "Go avay for tho .sranxner pnrself, eh?" I Interrupted. "Nay, nay, sweet Timocent. 3iot X "he i-cplled. "Send Mrs. Gaiuicr iraiy for the summer." Whereupon the Colnne'I ItXi -me. I saw h'fm later enjoying liimfic'll in the garden. The AcrJaJ Garden-He Garden-He was casting a fatherly eye -upon the flowers that grow In rich profusion there especially upon Ihe ox-eywi daip-les daip-les Indeed; I may go so far as" to say the pqrcodde daisies. The Colonel arrays was a great lorer of wild floirexr. |
