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Show By Brian Gray There's no doubt about it. . . The award for the Dumb Teacher of the Year must go to the substitute instructor who attempted to "potty train" an 8th grader last week. But before the authorities and the news media hang him to the closest urinal, we should also assess the boy's behavior and not just the teacher's stupidity. Unless you were traveling outside the country, you've undoubtedly un-doubtedly heard of the incident. Not since Supt. James Moss held his inauguration party for the rich and famous have the newspapers, radio and television reporters recorded such educational edu-cational drama. The young man claimed he asked the teacher for permission to leave class and use the bathroom. The teacher says the boy did not verbally ask for permission, and he did not notice the boy squirming in such a way as to denote an emergency situation. situa-tion. The next scene, however, is not in dispute. The young man romped to the back of the classroom and relieved himself on the tile floor. The teacher (earning the princely sum of $40 a day) . decided the boy's actions were not acceptable and, in the ensuing en-suing skirmish, used the boy as a mop to absorb the moisture. The boy was not pleased. He was just wet. A call to Daddy quickly made the headlines and the teacher received a hall pass to leave the school. While the teacher became this week's Attila the Hun, the young man has become an instant hero of sorts, with some reports having him signing autographs and retelling the story to his gleeful classmates. Well, I've heard that our current heroes have feet of clay. But all this kid had is a fast zipper. Sure, the teacher reacted improperly. . . But the kid is not to be pitied. If the boy's story is true (and if the teacher did forbid him to leave the classroom), there still were several alternatives other than resembling the actions of a German Shepherd. The most obvious choice would be to bolt from the room, handle his emergency and then voice his concerns to the principal. The least obvious choice was to create a puddle in the classroom. And what about the teacher. . . It's a common occurence in public schools for a young man or woman to ask the teacher for a restroom privilege and 74 of the time the restroom jaunt becomes a romp to the parking lot or the candy machines. A teacher is in a Catch 22 situation: If he doesn't let the kid go to the bathroom, he might have an embarrassing embar-rassing situation... And if he does let the child leave, he might catch the wrath of a principal wondering why his students are milling around the halls or lighting Camels in the parking lot. Faced with such a decision, most teachers politely ask if the student can "just wait another 15 minutes" and most students are civilized enough to comply. Even those with bladder problems prob-lems are not normally found thumbing their zipper in the back of the classroom. "You'd be surprised how many parents have called up in support of the teacher," said a secretary in the Jordan School District. Well, I'm not surprised. School districts across the state are -having trouble finding qualified substitutes, and our current crop of subs receive less respect than Yul Brynner's hairstylist. Subbing is simply a rotten job, made even worse when junior high students confuse a classroom with a restroom. My only experience with this type of emergency bladder occurred in 1967 when I was being honored at a businessman's banquet. Seated next to me was the guest of honor, the talented actress Sally Fields. Noting my queasy look and crossed legs, she turned and whispered, "Too much iced water, huh? And I've got the same problem. Let's leave." We stood up and walked out, drifting into separate pay toilets : at the Hotel Utah. So even though I can imagine the boy's condition, I can't respect his decision. The teacher was old enough to know better but so was the boy. Given the teacher's temper, the best advice I could give to the instructor is to "hold it." Ironically, that's the same advice I could give to the boy, too. We have had complaints from customers who are not receiving their newspapers intact. in-tact. If you have a problem with your Clipper delivery, please contact your local Post Office. Of-fice. Together we will solve the problem. ; Clipper Management |