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Show MOTHER WORRIES There was once a young lady who went to work in a federal government gov-ernment office in Washington. She was proud of her job so she wrote her parents about it. "I work," he wrote, "in the data analysis group of the aptitude test sub-unit of the division of occupational occupa-tional analysis and managing tables of the bureau of labor utilization of the War Manpower commission which is under the office of emergency emer-gency management." Mother wired: "Come home!" Clarification "How' about two of them?" asked the druggist of the man who was buying a toothbrush. "One for your wife?" "No, thanks. When I buy a new one, I always give her the old one." He paused while several other customers in the store gasped, and then he added: "She uses it to clean her shoes." Going TJp! Customer "What! Five hundred dollars for that antique? Why, I priced it last week and you said three hundred and fifty." Dealer "Yes, I know; but the cost of labor and materials has gone up so!" LITERAL jjv r j'jv" t.':::-!fl To the soldiers patroling the parade pa-rade grounds the sergeant's order! was explicit: "Pick up everything! that isn't growing." j Hardly had the order been given,; when two eager beaver privates! espied a pretty girl of about seven-! teen tripping gracefully across the freshly-cut lawn. They made after her with alacrity. Alacrity didn't have a chance. ' The sergeant's whistle shrilled.l "Lay off, men!" he shouted. "That's still growing!" Something Else The prison visitor was going round the cells, and was asking rather fatous questions, "Was, it your love of drink that brought you1 here?" she asked a prisoner. , "Lor", no, miss," replied the man, "you can't get nothin' herel'V I Wise Guy An old lady who could not see eye to eye with the taxi-driver on the, question of fare, finally remarked: "Don't you try to tell me anything,, my good man. I haven't been riding' in taxis for five years for nothing." "No," replied the driver, "but II bet you had a blarsted good try!" DIPLOMAT i It's an old story about the ball game being umpired by a runt of a fellow. An enormous player was at the plate and an equally large catcher stood behind him. The count was one and one. The little umpire watching the pitch sizzle across the corner, yelled, "Two!" "Two what?" snarled the catcher, catch-er, mashing his mask into the umpire's um-pire's face. "Yeah, two what?" growled the batter, raising his bat. The umpire looked from one brute to the other, and said: "Too close to tell!" |