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Show THE :- BY H.I.PHILLIP5 S WWIJ Fwiurw MAIL ORDER AUTO ("A mail order house announces that it will now sell automobiles." News item.) I Fetch me the catalogue, quickly, son, For I would be regaled By poring through it just ':u see How former heights are scaled; Aside, all boots and guns and lamps And bikes and farm tools, too! Gangway, you plows and overalls, To let an auto through! II What fun to zip by rods and reels, Iceboxes, socks and sleds. Canoes and skiffs and radios, Fish-tackle, cradles, beds! To toot a horn at catchers' mitts And skates and pots and pans And reach the pages offering The latest in sedans! Ill My forebears used this catalogue In quite another day To get the tastes in buggies smart And price a lovely sleigh; They kept informed on harness styles, Grand surreys and the like. And how I use to linger o'er The new mail-order bike! TV It was a spangled treasure world When I was but a boy; The old mail-order catalogue Brought wonderment and joy; Through it a dream life I would lead, Aladdin's lamp to share, And in the summer twilight be A blooming millionaire. V A jackknife took on special charm . . . The ball bat (Six-Two-Four) . . . They dazzled me when I was young More than the Kohinoor; How oft I roared in fancy on A motorcycle that Scared everybody as I made A mile in "nothing flat"! VI And now the auto will be there, With picture and the cost, The number and the data crisp, A chance not to be lost . . . Oh, would I were a boy, to take The green path to the shed And dream about a limousine I'd order, gold and red! Bill Buckley, Yale's 1950 Wonder Boy, is out with a book "God and Man at Yale" which is raising blood pressure in university circles. He says professors belittle the American Ameri-can way and are cynical toward many things we are supposed to be fighting for. Herb Shriner, who got his first boosts in this column, Is rapidly fitting into the boots of Will Rogers . . . "It's mighty rough to watch meonlight and honeysuckles turn into nasty accusations." ac-cusations." Billy Rose. Stop, stop, you're breakin' mah heart! . . . Robert Dana now has his own television show "Dining Out With Dana." . . . Dick Rodg-ers, Rodg-ers, one of the men who owns Broadway, lives in Southport, and the Connecticut Association just voted him the Connecticut Man of 1951. All got seats to South Pacific and The King and I, eh? "I would like those who feel the people have been rendered soft by the things the Government has done for them to remember that there were a good many parts of the country in 1933 where c revolution revolu-tion could have been engineered by almost any enterprising persons." Mrs. Roosevelt. Name one! VANISHING AMERICANISMS "Why are the speeches so brief?" "One of us must be wrong." "Where are my red flannel drawers?" draw-ers?" "He wouldn't cheat you." Leon Keyserling says fie enormity enor-mity of our national debt doesn't mean a thing as "we owe it to ourselves." We assume he holds that if you shoot someone it doesn't hurt provided it's his own gun. We know a girl who says her new mink is so sensitive one of the skins keeps saying, "I deny that allegation." allega-tion." We hereby award the Oscar For the Least Appreciated Guy of the Year, the department store window dresser ... It seems to us that none of the glorified Broadway scenic wonder boys comes close to the all-around top-flight performance perform-ance of these artists. . . . Turner Catledge, new managing manag-ing editor of the New York Times, is another small towner who made good in the city ... He began his newspaper career on the Nesoba Democrat, the Tunica Times and the Tupelo Journal . . . An auto carrying six sailors turned over several times on a Connecicut highway high-way and ultimately landed rightside up with nobody hurt . . . We hear one of the tars exclaimed, "Skipper, that wave sure was a roller!" . . . Sophie Tucker proved what a great performer she is on that last Ed Sullivan Sul-livan hour. |
