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Show HfM EDITED ly MARION HARLAND mmsBSIM rZZA RULE THAT WORKS BOTH WAYS. I I HE following letter baa Interested T mo much: " I have been dlwussing a little matter with a friend and I v-ould like your opinion of It. The question ques-tion 1b bow much ono should rojent certain cer-tain things that aro said and done The point that started it is the naolt of a woman wo both know of straightening out and touching: up the clothes and hair of her friends. Bef oro I have been in the room with her five minutes 8he la at my back hair, sticking- in a tulrpln to catch up what she calls a. little wandering-lock or taking out my back comb and putting It in again or fussing: with the stray halra at tho eld of my face and pushing-tbem cut of tho way. "If it isn't that It's something else about my dress. I don't mean she Is horrid hor-rid or critical, but If she sees aomctnlng that is not qulto right phe tells me so frankly Rnd I don't thine It's any of her business. That Is whatruyiricnd tc whom I referred at the beginning-and I had our dispute about. She Insists that this other woman docs all these things out nf the kindness of her heart and because she wants her friends to rook nice and tinks It is the part of frlendsXp to point out defects so that they can dc remedial. I gay It is because of a critical df6poltion that always wantsto be putting things to rights and I might as woll own that It IrrlUtc3- me beyond endurance at times. " Please tell me how the matter Impresses Im-presses you and which you think Is in the right, my friend or myidf. Am I np-sty and cross and Is tho fussy womin really iolng all these things with a lovely motive mo-tive or am I In the right .tnd Is-she what we children used to call a Meddlesome Mattlc? L, .T. K." This queTy Is hard to answer becauso I don't know the woman to whom reference is made. I cannot help believing that cer-tein cer-tein persons are really fond' of fusing n 1th other persons' belongings and have a tendency to. meddle whicn finds An outlet In this way. Tho woman on whose case this letter Is based may dc of that scit and she may not be. Only one wno V new her weir could determine. But tho question at Issue interests mo Just at this tlmo because I have lately had something of the aame kind brought to my attention and I nave had to 60 a Uttle work In patience on my own account and some pondering over the situation which presented Itself to mo. I was staying In the house wltn como one who might havo been tho twin iister In, disposition of tho " Meddlesome Mattie " described In L,.N.K.'s letter and I confess that sometimes her attempts I tried me inexpressibly. I hope I fchall never reach, tho point where I consider myself beyond criticism, for when t got there I shall know that improvement of any sort Is ata.n end, since resentment of criticism means a degree of self-satisfaction which is fatal to growth. fAt the same time I draw the line between be-tween the persons who have a right to put me straight, so to speak, and those who have not, and the woman to whom I refer ; I considered to belong to the latter class. When she took out my combe and put them in again half a doKn times a day, 5 or told me that my skirt did not hang 5 right, or pinned my collar differently, or criticised the fit of my waist. I became at :, times intensely annoyed. If I had been a X naughty little girl I would have told her i to go away and mind her own business. .' As I am a woman of mature years, and f in tho habit of asking myself how much I may be to blamo personally when I am tried by the faults or peculiarities of others, oth-ers, I took my friend's case under serious seri-ous consideration and before long arrived ar-rived at tho conclusion that she didn't do anything to others she would not be willing will-ing to have done to herself. I watched her when she was with other members of her family or with visitors, and I noticed than when they fussed with her back hair or rectified hir dress she seemed genuinely genu-inely grateful and much pleased. I even went so far as to experiment with her myself when I eawroom for Improvement In her collar or her neck gear, and she thanked me with a cordiality which made me ashamed of my glum reception of similar sim-ilar offices on her part. So X think that we have to bring the principle, " Put yourself In her place," to bear In such circumstances as this. It Is a principle which works the whole way through social Intercourse, and if wNo could live by it more It would slmplyfy life, for us In many wajs. For Instance, I hear members of the same family speak to one another in a way I cannot understand. It wounds me when I havo harsh words flung at me: I love gentleness of speech and manner. For a long time I held that If persons loved one another they would not speak brusquely or snappishly. But I have had to dismiss that theory because It has been disproved by Instances which have come my way. For example, I know a mother and daughter who aro devoted to each other. Either one would make any sacrifices for the other, and they have done this often enough to show plainly their mutual devotion. de-votion. Yet It would cut mo to the heart to have one of my daughters speak to m In the way I hav heard this daughter address her mother. Still, when I put myself my-self in the place of the daughter I can understand that all her life she has boon accustomed to Just that tort of sharp, quick speech, that neither she nor her mother means anything by It, and that It docs not In the least Interfere with her love and dutj. The fact that I don't like that kind o' thing myself has nothing to do with tho situation. It Is just as It Is in the case of the woman who fusses with my hair and dress. She wouldn't object to that sort of treatment herself, and so she never thinks that I might not like It. Into other lines, too, I strive to bring that sort of tolerance. So many little tricks people havo which vex me and which they would not mind at all if I did them. Habits they follow at the tablp; certain ways of eating and drinking; tho fashion In which they fidget when they are reading or talking and which get terribly ter-ribly on my nerves at times would not bother them at all If they observed the same things In me. Tears ago I used to go to church with a couple of worthy people whose demeanor In tho sanctuary was a great trial to mc. Tho man assumed that position In the pew which I have heard described as " sitting on the back of his neck." In other words, he slid down in the seatunttl he was resting on tho small of his back, with hla knees braced against the back of tho pew in front. As soon as the sermon ser-mon began he adjusted himself In this way and remained thus until the clOEe of the discourse. His wife was of a more nervous habit. During the sermon she sat with her knees (' iiLfru " vO vHHHHu Xrw jfE C jf J Vry y k " ;- )jt- W "eW crossed and wiggled on foot vigorously all the time. Strive as I would I could not Ignore that shaking foot. The man's attitude I might forget, because it was not forced upon my attention at every second, but that foot demanded xny notice and It was In my consciousness throughout through-out tho entire service. I was younger then and moro censorious and I could not comprehend why any one could be guilty of a trick which caused so much discomfort to another. It was not until some time later that it dawned upon me that If I had eat and agitated one foot or both during tho servlco it would not have made tho least unpleasant Impression Impres-sion upon ray companions, any more than if L too, had slumped down In the pew. So, too, about beating time to music habit I abhor. Many a delightful musical mu-sical porformanco has been seriously impaired im-paired for me becauae some one near mo would Insist upon keeping hla or her foot going in tlmo with the notes, cither pounding on the floor or kicking the back of my seat. It worries me dreadfully, but I don't believe the peoplo who do it would object to the practice in some ono else. Even when gum chewing Is involved I struggle though sometimes vainly, I must admit to accord this measure of charity. Thero Is no likelihood that tho chewers of gum have an aversion to others oth-ers chowlng as steadily and as violently as they wish. They cannot understand why any one should feel the bitter prejudice preju-dice against It that surges up in mo when I see tho working Jaws which Indicate that their owner Is chewing gum. Another reflection has come to me in connection with theso thoughts upon putting put-ting myself In the place of another. It Is that there Is just tho least probability that some of my habits aro as obnoxious obnox-ious to them as thclr3 are to me. Of course, that docs not seem possible to us at tho first glance. Nono of us fancies H that sho has any unpleasant peculiarity H of her own. Wo seldom sco those In our- H boIvcs, as the faults of those others aro H painfully visible to us. But stop and H think tho matter over a Httlo and see H what conclusion you reach. Have you H no tricks that have been commented upon H and that may cause some one else dis- H comfort? H Some one told mo the other day that I had a way of thrusting one foot into the middle of the floor when I was rock- ing. I daro say that had annoyed many H persons before somo one came along who was brave enough to speak to me about 1 1. I drum with my fingers on the table when I am absorbed in conversation and emphasize my remarks by striking ono H hand against the other In moments of ex- clteraent. How many persons who see H this wish I would stop that foolish way H acting? Consider- the subject a while and tr7 H to discover a few weaknesses of your H own. It Is possible that your careless- H ncss about gathering the loose hairs up H on tho back of your neck and at the aldo H of your face tries those brought into ns- soclatlon w 1th you quite as much as your H frlend'3 efforts to restrain-the locks with H a comb vox you. Your habit of neglect- H Ing to sponge off a stray spot from the H front of your gown, your omission to H mako sure that your skirt hangs ovenly H or that yotir shirtwaist is pluncd down all H around may be one of the trials which H cause your friends' souls to groan within H them, although they refrain from men- H tlonlng your defects to you personally. H I wish the Cornerites would reflect upon H thl3 and let me know If their judgment H and mine coincide or if, on the other hand. H they tako tho attitude of the writer of the letter with which I began this talk. |