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Show IJslSi vvi$HWM lih Wi RiNnf jm& R WlHfttWM itlfii- - i wkwi I 1 Mjfci r tt I ii l i " o my Jlftlf- - liWiiifci& VIiHI(MHIlI n vBCdl 5l&!foiSiMji I Hilltfls .t(jSfll m Kttn vj iv 1 1 l uuKiiUt '" "If h& 'rt are more likely to say its "very important" to their marital happiness. The most dangerous years. The largest number of marriages end in the first year or so. If you get past that point, theres quicksand waiting between the fifth and 10th years. In this period, our survey indicates, people report the least sexual satisfaction and the most infidelity, as well as "frequent worry, anxiety or tension" and loneliness. "That's the time in life when people are dealing with so many issues and stresses."explains Marshall Jungol'The Center forCounseling and Psychotherapy in San Bernardino, Calif. "They may take a closer look, and some may recognize that theyre not very unhappy, but they're not very happy either." How time changes a marriage. Veteran husbands and wives report that with time theres less talking together, laughing together and doing things together. On the upside, people married longer feel more strongly that they can rely on each other in times of trouble. Time also brings a growing tolerance. Profile of a happy marriage. For a happy marriage, it helps to have the right role model. Our survey shows that those who grow up with parents who are happily married are more likely to be happily married themselves. More than other people, contented husbands and wives tend to marry people like themselves, with similar backgrounds, and to have many mutual interests. They're also more likely to make the time to do things as a couple." yet they tend to give each other more "time and space to be separate individuals" and to appreciate that apartness. Communication, according to our survey, is the key to marital happiness. Most couples, happy or not. say they are quick to share good news with each other. The happily married, however, also share the bad new s, turning to each other when they feel sad or depressed. Not surprisingly, happy couples argue less than unhappy ones. That 's especially true of disagreements over money, the No. I cause of marital arguments in our survey. When they do disagree, happily married people know how to light fair. An overwhelming majority four out of five of people whose marriages cither changed for the better last year or stayed the same tell us that they can usually arrive at a compromise when they disagree w ith their partners. Scarcely any of those w hose marriages changed for the worse last year can do that. Happily ever after. These husbands and wives tell us that a marriage works only when you work at it. The great majority of them have been to the edge of divorce and drawn back. Part of what kept the couples together is an understanding that marriage has its ups and downs. As almost all of them 98 percent agree. "A marriage is a process. constantly changing." b |
