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Show 2W The Salt Lake Tribune, Sunday, April 28, 1985 What if game could protect children Judy Magid Tribune Lifestyle Writer What if . .? Those words could be the key to protecting children from abduction and sexual abuse. "The What if? game is one we all use to practice for the things we can anticipate in life, said Sherryll Kerns Kraizer, psychologist and educator, In a recent telephone interview from her home in upstate New York. By adapting this game for children, you can help them anticipate and plan for unusual or emergency situations. This aspect makes it the single most valuable tool for teaching srffety to children. Ms. Kraizer is the author of The Safe Child Book (Dell Trade Paperback, 7.95). She is on a national tour talking about keeping children safe from abuse and abduction. Something you have to accept is that you cannot be with your child every minute of every day. Ultimately, the children must become able to take care of themselves, she said. Beware of Strangers She acknowledged parents desire for their child to embrace the world with both arms but to beware of strangers. She said it is impossible to separate the world into good and bad guys for children. Instead of trying to explain the difference between nice people and mean people, parents should define a stranger as someone you dont know. Children should be told, When youre with mom or dad, you can interact with people you dont really know. When you are alone, you are responsible for your safety and must follow our family rules about strangers. Ms. Kraizer identified four rules g for children when no adult is with them: 1. Stay an arm's reach, and a little more, away from strangers. 2. Dont talk to strangers. 3. Dont take anything from strangers, even something of your own. 4. Dont go anywhere with strangers for any reason. I tell the child, There is one person with you all the time, who can be csre-takin- done with someone the child knows not a stranger." and trusts Ms. Kraizer said the adult is never Innocent The destruction of a loving and trusting relationship is devastating for the child. One study measured a group of children who had experienced physical abuse by strangers with a group who had been fondled by someone trusted. The recovery process was longer for the second group of chil- responsible for keeping you safe. That person is you,' she said. The next thing I tell children Is that when they are alone it Is their job to take care of themselves, not to take care of some adult's problem. "Children often get hurt by trying to be helpful and friendly to strangers. For Instance, trying to direct a stranger to an address or street. Children must learn It is their first priority to care for themselves when alone. She added that parents must follow rules, too. dren, she said. A realistic parental fear Is that a child wont tell if someone abused him or her. The child might fear the adult will be angry or not love him anymore. He or she also might feel guilty. Children are terribly They believe things that happen are their fault. If your chjld went somewhere out of bounds, somewhere you told him not to go, and was abused, he might be afraid you would be angry. 'What in Tool "My advice is to say, What if something happened and you didnt want to tell me? How would you handle it? Allow the kids to answer the questions and see who their resource people are. You might ask, Who else cares about you? Who else could you talk to? If the first person doesnt hear or listen, who are you going to tell next? A occurrence is child Never send a stranger to get your child for any reason. Make certain your child understands that, so someone who says, 'Your mother is hurt and needs you, is recognized as dan- d. gerous. Questions Reflect Fears Kraizer said the what-if- ? game define helps guidelines for unpredictable situations. Children ask what-i- f questions reflecting their fears, Ms. Kraizer continued. "If you, as a parent, can resist the urge to answer when your child says, What if theres no food in the house? and let the child give his or her answer first, you can discover how the child thinks or about what she worries. Ms. Kraizer said serious concerns can be dealt with by a silly or fun question. What if your teacher told everyone today to take off shoes and socks and go play in the snow? is a silly question you might ask, she suggestMs. home by a abuse in a single-parefriend of the care-takparent "I work directly with dating mothers," she said. They need to protect children differently. I suggest saying, 'I like this new man in my life. I want you to like him. But if anything happens that makes you uncomfortable, you can tell me. I love you. Ms. Kraizer said she is often asked what kind of people sexually abuse a nt er child. A pedophile is someone with a sexual preference for children. I worked with children who had been victims. Many experts work with offenders. While victims do brilliantly in therapy, the pedophile tends to rebehavior. I beturn to his lieve offenders can be managed but not cured. anti-soci- "We have to protect children by teaching them to say No, and how to protect themselves. Sexual abuse relates to social problems in that 95 percent of prostitutes were sexually abused; some 80 percent of runaways have that history and 95 percent of sex offenders were abused as children. It affects everyone in some way. You cant be with your child at all times. You must give your child the tools to help him be responsible for himself. And most of all, you must listen to what he or she tells you. The advantages of carpeting Author Sherryll Kerns Kraizer believes establishing rules for behavior with strangers helps protect children from abuse. ed. Children will laugh and say, I wouldnt do that because I would catch a cold. This reinforces the idea that the child does not have to do everything an adult suggests. would you do? She admitted it's difficult to prepare children to take care of themselves without scaring them unnecessarily. The main thing is making certain they understand rules of behavior toward strangers when alone. When parents are there, they take care of a child. It is permissible for the child to say Hello to a stranger. It is not permissible when the child is alone. Abuse From Friends Ms. Kraizer admitted its easier to tell parents how to warn children Ms. Kraizer stressed parents should not mention frightening or too specific questions. For instance, dont ask What if someone came and grabbed your baby sister when you were taking care of her? What would you do? Instead, a parent might say, What if you were in the yard with your baby sister and someone you didnt know came into the yard? What against strangers than to talk about sexual abuse. No one wants to talk about the possibility of sexual abuse. Many people cant define it. Sexual abuse is sexual contact with a child or use of the child for gratification. It ranges from exhibitionism to fondling and rape. The largest amount falls in the fondling category, she said. Sometimes, parents dont take fondling seriously. Fondling doesnt look so awful to a grownup. A lot can happen in a safe place. Eighty-fiv- e to 90 percent of fondling or abuse is Take a look at your carpet. Really take a good 'ook at it. Upon observation, you will discover that few products equal all that carpet offers. Carpet makes sense. If all it had to offer were its beauty and comfort, it would be a worthwhile investment. But carpet offers much more. Add its long-terperformance and maintenance ease, its insulation value, acoustical properties, inherent safety and aesthetic flexibility and you approach the ideal. As you know, the ideal is a good m deal! The bottom line is that the carpet adds beauty and comfort to your . home. Design motif has always been a large part of carpet appeal. Years ago, patterned carpet was limited to fine but rather expensive woven wool carpets. Today, improvements in yarn and tufting technology, printing equipment and techniques have made it possible to produce the intricate beauty of the finest woven patterns in economical tufted carpet constructions. While design, color and texture contribute to a carpets beauty, comfort is what makes carpet seem so luxurious. Carpet is also an excellent sound dampening material and it provides better footing, which helps prevent slipping and falling. 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Comers. Custom Labor Services Available 61 50 South State SL (801 ) 265-942- 3 (Across From Fashion Place Mall) Mon.-Sa- t 10:00am-6:00p- Utahs craftiest selection. Thurs. eves. 8.00pm Our (OUCOOKNCKS Save 30 May to 60 ready-to-mak- j every day. t square foot store is bursting with supplies e kits for just about and of and craft you can art every style imagine. twenty-thousan- 4 d for Mothers Day. Check this weeks schedule: Stitchery. Floral arts. Party giving. Cake decorating. Wedding and bridal accessories for sale and for rent. And through Folk Art Finish, Gledhills offers the wests largest selection of supplies for traditional folk painting and stenciling. Register for a Summer Quarter class. What really makes Gledhills different from any ordinary craft store is the helpful instruction we offer every customer. Choose from dozens of enjoyable, informative classes all arranged to fit your busy schedule. Throughout May, well he hosting creative idea demonstrations for home, for gifts, for entertaining, even Doll-makin- g. May 2 May 3 May 4 11 a.m. Bauern Malerei Lace Hoops 4 &. 7 p.m. Beginning Folk Art 2 p.m. Floral Arrangement 1 &. 4 p.m. 6 p.m. Basketry 2 p.m. Canvas Painting 10 a.m. Stenciling 11 a.m. Ribbon Bows 4:30 Leaf Taper p.m. Foothill Boulevard and Parleys Way (Next to The I Show-Me-Ho- Store w i |
