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Show M v 2W The Salt Lake Tribune, Sunday, January 19, W Crime victims get benefit of extra support Open letter to new teachers Dear Ann Landers: You have printed several letters dealing with the teachers responsibility to her (or his) students. I hope you will find room in your space for this column by Randy Attwood. He is the managing editor By Judy Magid Tribune Lifestyle Writer More than a year after his child was abused, a young father remains troubled and angry. He is in therapy and has moved his family to a different area. "When a child is abused, the parents are indirect victims. They need help, too. Sometimes they need even more help than the child, said Julie Branch, a member of the Victim Counseling Unit, Salt Lake County Office. Ms. Branch explained that with good support, children sometimes get Attorneys Ann Landers of the Daily News of Johnson County in Olathe, Kan. Thank you. Steady Followers In The Wheat Belt with pleaDear W.B.: Here it is sure. Under all the funny stuff, Mr. Attwood makes some valid points. I liked it. An Open Letter to New Teachers Welcome! We entrust to you our brats. We expect you to discipline them where we have not. But do it in a way that wont make us angry. Keep our children entertained. They are bound to get restless. They watch a lot of television so they arent very good at entertaining themselves. School bores them because they cant flip channels. Some of us are ardently against abortion. Others of us are ardently for pro choice. Some of us demand school prayer. Others demand no school prayer. Some of us are Christians and hate atheists. Some of us are atheists . and hate Christians. Please reinforce the correct moral views to our children who are in your care. Feed our children well. We dont have time to give them breakfasts at home so they are quite hungry when lunchtime rolls around. We understand that teachers are human beings and have days when they are depressed, not feeling well and just plain have the blues. Never show that side of yourself to our children. We want them to believe the world is always a happy place. Smile. Teach our children that American is always right, has always been right and is the best place to live in the entire world and that now is the best time to be alive in the entire history of man. Of course we dont believe this stuff anymore ourselves, but we want our children to believe it. They will read enough negative things in the newspaper. Remain in control at all times. Our children will yell at you. We will call you up on the phone and yell at you. We will go to the school and yell at the principal about you. Please stay calm. Someone has to. Accept the great responsibility that has been given to you. If our children dont learn to read, it will be your fault. If they come out of high school having no idea what they want to do in life, it will be your fault. If they dont go to college, it will be your fault. If they go to college and flunk out, it will be your fault. If they cant find a job, that will also be your fault. Be perfect. Lord knows our children see enough imperfection in their homes. Somebody has to set an example. And please dont gripe about money. Really now, you get three months of vacation away from the brats. We have to have them around all year through the experience with fewer problems than their parents. "Perhaps its because children don't have an adults full understanding of what happened and how the consequences might be. Good support from parents is essential. Serve All Victims For a parent whose child has been Abused, there sometimes is an overpowering feeling of helplessness. There also can be a feeling of guilt that the parent "allowed this to happen, that somehow it was the parents fault. Such responses are common in victims of any crime, Ms. Branch said. "For instance, a victim of a burglary in the home feels violated. The victim is angry and may feel that part of the crime was their fault. It takes time to work through these feelings. Victim counselors do not work only with children. While the primary thrust of the Victim Counseling Unit is toward working with assault and sexual abuse cases, victims of other crimes also need counseling. There are many services available to victims of crime, including the Victim Assistance Unit which re fers people for counseling, escorts witnesses when necessary and informs victims as to other community resources available, she said The Child Abuse Team, another part of the Salt Lake County Attorneys Office, has expanded its scope to include special-need- s victims such as the elderly and handicapped. Leslie Lewis is team leader with members Karen Knight-EagaBarbara Bearnson, Thomas Vuyk and Ernie Jones. "A volunteer program to help victims of crimes other than assault and sexual abuse is being started now. Anyone interested in helping is invited to call the Victim Counseling Unit, Salt Lake County Attorney T.L. "Ted Cannons office, Ms. Branch said. Crisis Work Only The Victim Counseling Unit is available for crisis counseling that can last from six to 10 weeks, she continued. "We stay in touch with the victim through the trial. For the majority of crisis counselpeople, the short-tering helps them through the situation. For others, it isnt enough. We have to refer them to outside counselors. Clients are referred to victim counselors from the Victim Assistance Unit of the county attorneys office as well as outside agencies including police, Rape Crisis Center and hospitals. The unit works mainly with victims of assault or sexual abuse There are approximately 60 new Ca:ps per month. The victim usually is contacted by telephone. If thats not possible, a form letter is sent. Counseling services are offered. Counselors serve as victims advocates within the criminal justice system. The system can seem complicated and confusing to adults. To a child it can be frightening as well, Ms. Branch said. defendant is responsible. At this time, the victim must appear in the courtroom and testify. Usually, witnesses are called to testify separately. "In the case of a juvenile victim, the parents might be excluded from the courtroom at the discretion of the judge. A victim counselor would be able to stay with the child during his or her testimony, Ms. Branch said. Cause Parents Pain Ms. Branch admitted that it is hard on parents to have their child alone to face the defendant. "Parents want to protect their children from this experience. But sometimes the child wants to protect his parents. He or she realizes by the time of the preliminary hearing that the parents are suffering too. Its often difficult for the child to have to repeat the facts that cause his or her parents pain, she said. Ms. Branch believes one of the most important things in counseling victims is the ability to take each case and treat it individually. You cant lump every abuse case together. No case is exactly the same as another. Sometimes when you go for a conviction, thats all you get. Unless the defendant admits guilt, there rarely is a way to have the abuser get into therapy. People become angry when they hear the words, plea bargain. I think of it as negotiation. In many cases, its the only way you get people into therapy. And when the abuser is a family Julie Branch, member of Victim Counseling Unit, is part of member or close family friend, with team effort to recognize, help meet needs of crime victims. no alternative but prison, the pressure on the victim is tremendous. There are times when a child vicAs counselors, we prepare clients Preliminary hearings are to show tim will recant his story. for the preliminary hearing. It eases probable cause for bringing a defenMost of the time when a child anxiety when people know what to dant to trial. The state must show back his story, the child simply takes We on a case the until its that crime has been committed and expect. stay conclusion. that there is reason to believe that the wishes the whole thing would go away and is sorry he or she ever told Do you have good sense about money? By Dr. Joyce Brothers How much sense do you have about dollars and cents? Why do you spend? How much do you know about money cause women make less money than men, they tend to place it on a higher pedestal. Unfortunately, its still what many desire most in a man. False 5. FALSE. There is such a thing as defensive spending. Its the kind where if you spend so much, Ill go you one better." The syndrome can wreck a bank account and a marriage in short order. and emotions? Heres a chance to match your views with some experts. 1. People's shopping habits reveal a great deal about their professions and their income, but relatively little about the people themselves. True ( ) ( ) and happiness are closely related; the more money a person has, the happier he's likely to be. True ( ) False ( ) 2. Money 3. In a family, money should be handled either by the woman, or the man . . . NEVER by both. True ( ) False ( ) 4. Money means more to men than to women. True ( ) False ( ) 5. There's no such thing as defensive spending. True ( ) False ( ) 6. If you lend money to a friend, don't put it in writing because it will embarrass both of you and may break up your friendship. True ( ) False ( ) 7. Men tend to be more conservative about money than women. True ( ) False ( ) 8. People who are extravagant and who enjoy spending money are generally better adjusted emotionally than those who are closefisted. True ( ) False ( ) ANSWERS: FALSE. The reverse is true. Both men and women reveal a great deal about themselves in the way they shop. Those who insist on designer la bels tend to be insecure. They "feel better about their own identity if they borrow anothers. Traditional women tend to care more about price, while liberated women focus more on quality. 2. FALSE. Theres a definite correlation between satisfaction and happiness, but theres no clear relation between satisfaction and income. Some studies indicate couples are happier when theyre working together to make ends meet than they are during periods of plenty. 3. FALSE. The important thing is that both partners agree how the money is to be budgeted. Financial responsibility can be divided into HIS AND HER categories. The wife might control spending on food while the husband will be in charge of car expenses, etc. There will be problems, however, unless theyre able to communicate and agree on goals. 4. FALSE. Studies show that money means more to women. Perhaps be 6. FALSE. Do put it in writing. Written agreements help to prevent later and also misunderstanding serve as an official record. The more casual a person is about borrowing or lending, the more apt there is to be misunderstandings. 7. FALSE. Women tend to be more conservative, even though more women than men are apt to be compulsive spenders. Women are more conservative investors, partly due to conservative advice they get from their financial advisers and partly because of a strong desire for securit- If you answered six of these eight questions correctly, youre better informed than most on this particular subject. For gleaming fixtures If you find that bathroom and kitchen faucets and other fixtures look dull because of stains and crust caused by hard water or detergents, try this. Clean and dry the fixtures, then coat with a very thin film of petroleum jelly, and buff to remove residue. anyone. And when the abuser is a family member, the situation is even worse, Branch continued. Counselors screen for untruths. But children rarely lie about these things. Most would have no idea of what was going on unless led by an adult. There rarely is physical evidence. Some children are so young they dont have the vocabulary to explain what happened. We use anatomically accurate dolls so they can show us. Ms. Branch said it is difficult, but rewarding, to work with children who have been hurt. To see these children stand up and say what is honest and the truth and then walk out of the courtroom with relief, makes me feel I have helped. Ms. y8. FALSE. According to research from the magazine Psychology Today, tightwads are more unhappy and less healthy than those who don't worry about their finances. Obviously, those who are compulsive or addictive spenders are less healthy than those who dont use money to try to solve emotional problems. 1. long. Yours truly. The Parents RENT-A-STOR- K. 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