OCR Text |
Show r" Columnly speaking F By DON ETA GATHERUM Non-majority people don't want to become l part of the majority After hearing a motivational speaker give his, "Little Engine That Could" talk, I went home, determined de-termined to compile a list of my failures. This may seem like a strange reaction to a positive speech, but I am a pragmatic person. I know that if 20 top students take a test and they all "think they can" get the top score, 19 will fall short of their objective no matter how well they prepare or how positive their attitude at-titude is. I couldn't start writing my list of failures because there weren't any sharpened pencils in our house. Instead, I decided to spend some time reflecting inwardly (this doesn't require writing instruments) on the causes of my failures. About two minutes into the meditative process, I concluded the reason for the downs in my life was that I am a non-majority. This status isn't based on national origins or religious beliefs. I am a non-majority because I think and react differently than almost anyone else on earth. Using a paring knife to sharpen a stub of a pencil, I scrawled on the back of an advertisement for burial plots the way a person can know if he is a non-majority individual. I hope this will help readers find a legitimate scapegoat for the daily decisions they face. You are a non-majority person if you: - Have only two items and cash in a supermarket express lane. - Raise your left hand when everyone else raises their right hands. - Order fish in a steak house. - Are a Democrat - Push the doors that say "pull" and pull the doors that say "push." - Purchased a Beta VCR and still use it. - Don 't use credit cards. T - Have a family of fewer than 4.3 children. - Don't ski. - Have a car that still uses regular gas. F - Pick pennies up off the pave-" ment. - Read books, newspapers and magazines from back to front -- A non-majority person can't- change. As Popeye, the sailor man'-' says, "I y'am what I y'am." This is good. The greatest fear of-any of-any true non-majority person is that ' he will accidentally become part of"' a majority. i |