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Show j A Line o' Type or Two t "Fay ce que vualdraa." 4 By 8. L. T. j I Sonnet on the One-piece Bathing Suit. I Sin it, Mvjse, of i:-r, svir'o'.iral of shanie, ! Fur - carta v:ls I'aradlse t;ll Kve'a lirst ; ivjtnes; I Hut, by t : : t beauty which deception loathes, Must we rule out all joy In life's brief; game? i Let ua'-v rudc-a parade the draggled , tx-ach ; In shameless bloomer, stocking, skirt and f s:.oe; But let the fair adorn the wave-washed view ' In suits us trim as down on rosy peach, j What if too candid gleam of maiden vervo j With unused glamour dazzle blinded eyes, ! And make us nympholept for celibate? ' Tho' serpent minds seo sin in verdant curve, PhaJl we prohibit lissome beauty's prize? Fig leaves aro decorous that decorate. KIL'AKiL'3. If railroad men should have a voice In saying how their business should be conducted, con-ducted, why should not bank clerks? Mr. tjarretson's imagination did not extend so far. It is just as well. For the Plumb pian, or any other human plan, pushed to a logical conclusion becomes an absurdity. People who really think realize that there Is a point In thinking where it is necessary neces-sary to stop. He May, Heavens Bless Him! Sir: Mr. Wilson may reduce the h. c. 1. by verbal message, may he not? C. TV. S. Sir: Now that he has tackled the cost o' living, may we not hope that prices will drop at least fourteen points? C. F. M. "I'm Sorry." (From the Orlllia, Ont., Packet.) I am sorry Mr. WUHam Binsted is laid up. I am sorry Mrs. R. Davidson Is ill with appendicitis. Froe-born American citizens may manufacture manu-facture sweet elder and fruit juices for home use. This is throwing slops to Cerberus. Cer-berus. However, there is, as yet, no penalty pen-alty for letting nature take her beneficent course. "Inside Baseball." (From the Beardstown Illlnolan-S'tar.) Jacksonville had men on bat at the 1st, 2d, and 3d bases, one of the batteries threw a hard one to Stoker, who in turn run him back to third base, then threw the 1st" baseman out, who attempted to score, whereupon Murray made short work of him. The five-cent fare is more than a "psychological "psy-chological necessity," as Mr. Baker says. It is a uragmatic sanction. A Fable. t There was once a Great Civilization in one of the many Periods of Time since the so-Galled Creation. The Chimpanzees, endowed by an inscrutable Nature with more Brains than the Baboons, planned and executed all Details of Government, organized Industry, manipulated Finance, created and maintained Armies, directed "Wars, negotiated lasting Peaces, proposed Leagues of all Pithecanthropoid Nations, levied Cocoanut Taxes (probably the same as our Poll Taxes), and otherwise made as though they were Lords of the Planet, as indeed they were, according to their own Notion. Now the Baboons, although they were far and away in the Majority and outnumbered out-numbered the Chimpanzees X to I, nevertheless never-theless bowed to the Superior Wisdom of their Masters, and submissively accepted their Lot, albeit with some grumbling. In the Fullness of Time it came about that a Class Consciousness developed among the Baboons. "Wretched Slaves are We!" they cried; "Our weekly Stipend no longer suffices for our requisite Breadfruit, Bread-fruit, Breech-clouts, Beer and Buffoonery. Shall we not start Something, Comrades?" And their Leaders, who lived by Tribute levied upon the Wlages of the Baboons, thinking they saw large Opportunties fqr acquiring Power and Pelf, urged their Followers to arise, oust the Anthropoids, ane? seize their Great Civilization for themselves. This they did forthwith. The Chimpanzees were destroyed Root and Branch, Industry, Art and Literature disappeared, dis-appeared, Invention ceased, and a social Chaos ensued, which led an Historian of that Time to lament: "Those were the most parlous Times of all History." These Words were unconsciously repeated verbatim ver-batim by every Historian of all subsequent subse-quent Civilizations. Many Centuries of Darkness and Animalism Ani-malism followed, whereof there is no Record. Rec-ord. But slowly, after the Lapse of Aeons, another Great Civilization arose, similar to its Predecessor, and by a similar process, namely, the gradual- Predominance Predomi-nance of Brains and superior Wit. The Chimpanzees were again to the Fore. This Great Civilization likewise disappeared duly, and from the same Cause, supplemented, supple-mented, as some jocosely said, by the Universal Abolition of Beer, which had been accomplished at the close of the Ecumenical Inter-Simian War, to the Utter Ut-ter Astonishment of All concerned. And when the time was Now, a famous Thinker and Scholar, a gray-bearded and somewhat dolichocephalus Chimpanzee, who had long been a Student of Natural Forces, made these Observations one Day to his Class of Marmosets, who had registered reg-istered for his Course In Mutations and Reversions: "To Energy and Matter mere Names, mind you- Time is nothing. Distance is nothing. Motion. is a Constant. Forces and Material synonymous Terms combine but to break down. Vega and Antares are respectively but earlier and later Phases of the same Process. So it is with Venus, this miserable terrestrial Ball, and Mars only Names. I repeat, but convenient and necessary, like the Words Water and Air. Civilizations, Nations, and all Social Units, whether pithecan or subpethican, cannot escape this law of flux, of growth and decay. Construction, Destruction, Brains, Ignorance; Fullness, Hunger and other contradictory and counteracting Influences on the Life and Polity of all Simianlty " Whereupon a thin-voiced Marmoset interrupted the Thinker: "Professor, what does all that mean?" "I don't know," he replied, as the Bell rang. P. S. W. Playwrights as strikebreakers is a contribution con-tribution to the general gaiety. Some of them proved to be much better actors than authors. Accents Wild. Now I have a great love for hot hominy; I believe heartland soul In autonomy; So I may be absurd, But I can't stand the bird Who pronounces it plainly "ignominy." ALABASTER. Somebody should tip it off to the Rumanians Ru-manians (siang for Ruinans) that the war-is war-is over. Concerning Lemon -pickers and Secondhand Second-hand Automobiles. Sir: I'm glad you bought a secondhand second-hand car. It confirms my belief that even men of brains get hooked occasionally. The dealer told me that the Iilidac, having hav-ing run 20,000 miles, was just getting loosened up. Right. It cost me J47.50 to tighten it. He told me it was a hiii-climb- er. It was, after I had eight new pistons installed. He told me the tires were new. i They were once. He said he was giving j me a "spare." He did, and it was one he could spare without a pang of regret. Pie wrecked my young life, that's what he did. EM JAY. Tha editor of American Medicine is desolated des-olated because the newspapers gave so much space to the fight at Toledo and so llue to the annual convention of the American Medical association. It was an error of judgment. We remember the day of the medics' convention. The telephone tele-phone in the city room was ringing ail the afternoon. |