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Show - A Line o' Type or Two I "Fay ce que vouldras. " J By E. L. T. THE GOOD PROVIDER. (Martial L'.43.) P'rr.r prov'.i'.'"-r. yujr Une! tfani ! i'-o 'is bv mil. ions liis siore ioon:s jam, il'iles and leati:..r you couid not count, jjj;ta of t iota to t:ie .arr: amount, t'lits i.iat ioaaed. a i::o'.isa:iI snips; Wuul, a L-oUi.ie C seaaoi:' e.ips. "Any old c.'othe?" come? the call to-lay. "No!" says h i-"1 a worried way. "Why should 1 e:i my a: i, indeed? Wiih so inunv little niuiiis to it-ed TAX. "Would it be- I'ertlnent to ask," writes K. B., "wiiy the KeiUlemen of the cormress who p;jt a luxury tax on tooth powder did not also tax bath towels'.'" Pertinent Perti-nent cr.oxiK'n. Hut the gentlemen of the I congress rese.mhie in more respects than one the old partv in "Vou Never Can Ted" who Diannied his teeth witii yaller soa. Bright Sayings of the Better Halves. Sir: Krierrt wi:'e Iert an attentive ear to a sue-L'cstion that much would be added to the comfort of motoring over the detour de-tour S. K., by K., bv N. i-.. by E.. by S., by W., by S.. bv W., from Rush street bridge, If Mike Fakarty v.ere to lay some flit rails alonff tiic euur.se. "Splendid." sez plie "a sort of Cbemin de Faherty. as it were." J. 1. V. From various o.uarters wo are offered the old rhyme "But he is drunk who 'prostrate lies. "Without the power to drink or rise." But this theory vas exploded by the now well-known protest: "He ain't drunk! 1 seen Ids finger move!'' Short Studies in 'Climax. (l-'rom the ineomparab'e TIeraminer.1 The canal was dynamited In an effort to brins the bodies to the top. The Zicz-lers Zicz-lers stood anxiously waiting to see their sons brought to tlie surface. Millionaire golfers of Kvanaton stepped aside from their play long enough to witness the scene. Yanks who marry German girls will be "tried on a charge of communicating with the on" my." "I thought," comments J. F. K., "that they had liaison officers for such like." Going Going. ("From the Council Bluffs Nonpareil.) Downtown, no uptown. I got nous, fore rooms4 river water, gas, city lights and outnouso inside. Brick cellar underneath. Want to sell him quick for $1500, and if it ain't handy for you to pay it right now cash pay for him by the month. It's cheap. . King me up, lied 1037. You oughta see it. In sending Chiistmas presents through the mail this year it will be superfluous, suggests Spike . to label them, "Do not open till Christmas." An Old-Time Prog. Kir: It is interesting to recall the "prognostications" of Nathaniel Ames, the aim; t na e maker. "O, ye unborn inhabitants inhabi-tants of America," he appeals, "should this page escape il s destined conflagration conflagra-tion at the year's end, and these alphabetical alpha-betical letters renin in legible when your eyes behold Lhe si;n after be has rolled tli e seasons round for two or three centuries cen-turies more, you will know that in Anno1 Domini. 175S,"we dreamed of -your times."! The cream, after one allowance fur the, ways- of almanac makers; it occurs to me, is the poetic motto on the title page of! the almanac for 1743. the year succeeding: the close of King George's war: "No heroes' ghosts, with garments rolled in blood. Majestic stalk: the golden age renewed, No hoiiow drums in Flanders beat; the breath Of brazen trumpets rings no peals of death. The milder stars their peaceful beams afford, - And sounding bamuict beats the wounding wound-ing sword To ploughshares now; Mars must to Ceres vield. And exiled Peace returns and takes the field." E. K. L.. "The trend of civilization is northward, ' Dbserves Explorer Stefansson, A3 evidence evi-dence there Is Broadway In New York and Michigan avenue in Chicago. Has She Cauliflower Ears? Sir: A sign in Sherman hotel coffee room reads: "Wanted Vegetable Girl." One of mv lady friends has reddish hair and a' turnup hose. Would she qualify? ISEU. "Admiral Reuter had been allowed to visit Germany on the pretext of ill heal Hi." Cramp? A LITTLE GIKL'S SONGS. (Hilda Conkllh, aged S, in poetry.) ' The Dewman comes over the mountains wide; Over tho deserts of sand, With his bag of clear drops And his brush of feathers. He scatters brightness. The white bunnies beg him for dew. He sprinkles their fur . . . They shake themselves. All the time he is singing. The unknown world is beautiful! He polishes flowers, Humming, "Oh, beautiDil !" He sings in the soft light That grows out of the dew: Out of the misty dew-light that leans over him He makes his song It is beautiful, the unknown 'world! We note that one of our immortals, Mr. Price Stiff, has retired from the grocery business in Texas after thirty years of success. Lucky Stiff. Where Twineth the Woodbine. Sir: In days gone by an unmarried lady past thirty was entitled to the privilege privi-lege of being labeled an old maid if ?he wore a bustle nnd owned a pug dog. We still have with us the o. m., but what has become of the b. and p. d. ? E. L. V. Let It Go Double. Sir: Judging from the prosperous appearance ap-pearance of the "undertaking parlors" of Chase & Ketchnm of Los Onglaze, I'll say they do. What do you sav? UNKALOO. In a ball game in the City of Brotherly Love the battery for one nine was Kille and Slaughter. Asides. L. C. G.: Rejoiced to hear from you. Feared you had passed away. Gene: Haven't our Browning handy, but will look it up. A Gentleman of the Old School. Sir: Are you aware that Simon Swig Is vice president of the Tremont Trust company, Boston ? PI. B. M. Rather a sweeping statement In a Galva barber shop: "A bath never killed any one." ,No Trtflers Need Apply. Sir: They're specific in Indianapolis. A sin in an apartment window reads: "Rooms to let for light housekeeping or sleeping." B. B. Groundhog Day. Sir: May I not emerge from my seclu- 1 slon to inouire whether it is now In order to beat our corkscrews into croouet wickets? WAMBA. Thanks. Keep On Going. Sir: In passing I will say that J. T. ; Cherrv is employed bv B. F. Berrv in i Standard, 111. ' H, L. 'C. i |
