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Show Mormon Democrats in Froei Line. Bishop Winker Counsels Them According to Brother Broth-er Spry's Boast. Confidential Letter to Apostle Penrose Exposes Plans of the Priesthood. Priest-hood. Strictly confidential. MORMONTON. Utah, Oct. m. Dear Brother Penroso (Apostle and Editor of the Descrct Ncwb) This brings us back to the days when the Lord, redeemed tho children of Israel from bondage and sent them to the promised land In Utah. Everything Ev-erything Is coming our way and the Gentile Gen-tile enemies of tho kingdom aro on tho run llko tho devil beating tanbark. I feel to rejoice with exceeding great Joy. Tho Mormons are taking to political counsel like a hen takes to grasshoppers. All they want to know ls what Brother Smith and Brother Smoot wish them to do, and thoy will do It, if it knocks all the harmony out of the quorum. It looks to mo now as if tho vote for Brother Cutler would bo unanimous. It tickles me all the way up and down the spine, to see an old polygamous Mormon llko you, who was set apart as a Democrat Demo-crat when the church divided tho Mormons Mor-mons between tho two parties, eating your crow with gusto that looks like ghoulish glee, and using the organ of the church to play tunes for Brothor Cutler and In defense of Brother Fussy. Of course, I know It grinds your immortal im-mortal soul, now that you are an apoa-tlo apoa-tlo and one of tho official deputies of God on earth, to grovel as you havo to do to Brother Smith and Brother Smoot, but wo must keep harmony In tho quorum and a little groveling won't hurt you, now that you can't cat any moro of Son-in-law Jones's banquets at tho poorhouso until after the election. Groveling- Comes PLarcL This groveling to Brother Smoot ls a pretty tough proposition, b-causo political poli-tical groveling lu so much worse than religious re-ligious groveling. But all Mormons who stand ln to get a share of the tjthlng graft must grovel Its only these educated, edu-cated, Intelligent members of the church who keep mum, think for themselves and vote the secret, silent ballot as they please, who dare call their souls their own They know that tho church has no right to dictate politics to them, and as they are not trying to get any of tho tithing graft, even as you and I, they won't and don't grovel. But you groel, and I grovel, and Brother Roberts grovels, and Brother Spry grovels, and Brothor Fussy would grovel If he could only stop shivering over the possibilities of that poorhouso Investigation Inves-tigation long enough to grovel properly Brother Fussy really Is tho most accomplished ac-complished grovclcr In our quorum. Ho used to see visions llko the Prophet Joseph, Jo-seph, but ho Is afraid to see anj more. The last one be saw was a nightmare with yellow "mane, pink eye,s nnd a sky-bluo sky-bluo tall. I don't know what Brother Fussy would havo been if he hadn't been born "a lobster. Still, there aro others. Just imagine the hard luck of a man born with the name of Smootler, and no Legislature In session to change It. What a pair to draw to, when Brother Smootler and Brother Fussy go out to walk "to-geddcr. "to-geddcr. sldo b each!" Ah, Brother Penrose, It Is always beat, after all, to act according to tho dictation dicta-tion of the pious servants of tho Lord, prompted by love for our fellow man and woman. But not too many women since tho manifesto. Seven ought to bo thu limit. Brother Smith only has six, but seven Is my numbcr. Women With Queer Ideas. Did you ever observe what queer ideas women have? Mrs. Winker No. 3 will al-wavs al-wavs beltevo that I added her to my crown of glory to save tho wages of a hired girl for my No. 2 Then there's my No C. She is convinced that she becamo a star ln my kingdom becauso tho numerous nu-merous Winkers needed a high-class washer-woman In tho family. She Is it n expert laundress, and I wear cleaner shirts now than for many moons before, but that notion of hers is absolutely abso-lutely absurd. I never thought of such a thing. I was living up to my religious privileges, just as Brother Roberts did his only I didn't commit matrimony on the quiet as he did. Whatever I do, I do right out ln the open. Still. It Is convenient to have an expert laundress In the family. My No. 7 can cook all around anybody In the bakory. This i3 a great comfort to mc when I am able to take nourishment Well, to got back to politics. I havo been out among em this week. I thlnV: we have got them cinched for tho Smootler Smoot-ler ticket, but the habit of lying has grown up so 3trongly among some of our most trusty bishops, that you can't sometimes most always toll just how things will come out, especially ln elections elec-tions and l;orse faces. But knowing that Mormonlsm has always al-ways been a Hclentlflc religion when it comes to politics, as satisfying to the reason as to the soul. I feel to say that It won't do t6 lako any chances. Wherever I have found a wabbly Mormon, Mor-mon, one of theso Jean and hungry follows fol-lows who think too much, I have pointed out to them what a glorious thing It was to vote the Smootler ticket straight and put a blight upon tho enemies of the kingdom of God. according to the orders of Erother Smith. An Eternal Joy. I have shown thorn what an otornal Jov It would bo to absorb tho confidence of tho bishop and vote straight. I havo hinted that thero was something some-thing several feet higher than political llhertv and many things moro precious than political freedom, and that Is, voting vot-ing your religion as Brother Smith ol- ''o'h yes: I told them that no ono could llvo ln harmony with heaven and his quorum unless he paid hl3 tithing and voted according to orders. T romlndcd thorn of tho holy boycott and tho religious ostracism, if thoy didn't, and the way they turned tall to their fondest political delusions and Mocked into the tabernacle, waa a sight to see, glorious ln the eyes of tho Lord, but I shall not take any ragtime view of tho situation until after tho votes aro counted, Somo of theso wingless puppets have Ktrango opinions about the American Hag and tho separation of church und state, and thero Isn't a slnglo ding-dongud way that wo can llnd out whether thoy an going to vote the American party ticket or not. Doesn't that Jar you? But I'm not letting anything get away. Your Brother Winker is on to his Job with both foot. I undorstand organization organiza-tion and I know how to mako It worth men's whllo to do what I toll thorn to do, may it please tho Lord. The ability which has dono well for mo la all right , when It ls backed up by wrltton orders from Brothor Smoot, with tho O. IC of Brother Smith marked on the corner. His Box B. Letter. My organizing capacity and the convincing con-vincing church lnflucnco of my letter from Box B, has done lta deadly work, but to take no chances of falling down. I havo had 20,000 Mormon Democrats -sot apart as homo missionaries, and the first ono of thcbi that shows any signs of an Intellectual awakening In a political way will be sent to another county to bear testimony tes-timony to the divine calling of tho prophets of the Lord, so that they can't vote on election day. If that doesn't fix 'cm I don't know tho difference between church lnflucnco and a converted billy goat. Not me. Thero aro some Mormon Republicans who arc shying a little and don't wear the political ring In their religious noses with any degree of grace, but I havo got them hxed, too, Nono of theso will bo allowed to voto unless they havo a tithing ti-thing receipt, and I won't Issue any tithing ti-thing receipts to tho unrogenerato unless un-less thoy voto straight. I havo Instructed the election judges, and the brethren who aro undor suspicion sus-picion must show a Smootler ticket or It won't get Into tho ballot box. Alas, this is a wicked world. Man ls of few days and ls full of prunes. Few of us are Justified in asking for alimony, and ho that docs not ride on the water wagon i rises betimes witn a dark brown taste ln his mouth. We are admonished that tho Saints were persecuted becauso of their failure to observe the counsol of tho servants of God on earth. . I feel to say that thoy will get It ln tho neck if they fall this timo. For ho that voteth not for Smootlor, tho samo ho shall not voto at all. Tho smlter of Brother Smoot Phall be smitten, becauso Brother Smith emltea for Smoot, Ecny mceny mlnoy mo. Your truo friend ln tho gospel and old pal ln polygamy. CEPHAS AURELIUS WINKER. Elshop of Mormonton. Prospective Apostle and Main Guy of the Smootler Smoot-ler push. P S What's tho matter with Brother Spry's talk factory? Is his megaphone out of order? The Jawbone of a rooster Is mlrrhtler than vlslono of a prophet. Catch on? |