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Show , jpj. The Tale of Love Militant,. j mil BY aEL-ETT BURGESS -A.IND WILL IRWIN. S jjjg jpyrlght. 1003, McClurc. Phillips & Co.) to j jfVas a May day of that entrancing ql to' which comes to California skies S ?r the last rain, bringing with It the j Furance of continued fair weather, "'i h the two adventurers set out on jl ilr, auest for Norine. The meadow ka pang In the fields and Isyl sang, ! snatchcs of songs quite as prettily. I nothing new and fresh and glad had no Into her eyes since last night f 8s looked slyly at her companion and ' fH little wiles to make him laugh. needed small urging and every I ) Ue sank deeper Into her heart. V ilrthey sped, In a. furious little auto- ' bile runabout, over (he level roada of 1: .-'Santa Clara Valley through miles T ripening orchards. To the east the & ist range culminated In the peak of 5 junt Hamilton and, through the clear fant air, a white speck, the Lick ob- Vatory glimmered like a day star. -4 It's absurd that 1 don't even know ; livnamo yet," Isyl had oegun. lYhat's in a namo?" he answerod. 1 btblng but a collection of letters, j f'a postofllcc. Have you any objec- l ib to the sound of it?" '1 No, Idiot. But who are you, and ''4 we did you come from?" j :,im an obscure but handsome ud- a (urer come to this your sovereign 3 ft. 10 n W0r8n'P aml 8erve beauty. lj m doing the Launcclot act, and as fwere the first damsel in distress I ,8 pened to meet, I rescued you as per flftm of knights-errant." 5WHy because I happened to be the 'Mjid because you'll happen loiae the 3jf jfhen did you sec me first?" SMr'.Jra dream. And that's no Do Quln-3 Quln-3 fern," the youth asserted. J? Mince pic. or Welsh rarebit?" she r'VW, playfully. A fVeddlnfr cake," ho answered. i $1 grew suddenly silent. 4 i.ve seen you since," he added, "on Ji Tiard, matter-of-fact macadam of ;3 'ftjose. You were In white qlque, or 1 Jls to that effect, and from that mo-A mo-A it' I date my decline and fall. I J Jd have said then that you were penultimate limit, if anybody had tjb UP I" a handsom cab and asked '4 &The rest Is faery." -J t's all remarkably vague," said Isyl, 3 ife'E no use trying to get anything 4V rfble out of you!" ' low about rings," ho suggested. tedly. A ib started to draw off her glove, but rtopped her. '3 temembcr, It's wished on!" ' ) t's awfully like one I've scon bc--; jfthut I can't recall where." j t's paid for," he remarked. Sow long Is It wished on for?" Isyl . j id. a 311 I get my wish, of course. But 'Z Jinust wear It as long as you are 3 ph, anyway." j ?tiat won't be long, for wo simply M t find Norine Almerlc. How are ! (going to do It? Have you a clue .' ,M JI the Sherlock Holmes In me sug-3 sug-3 i deducing her whereabouts. It i i&dead easy in books; let's get In '.1 deduct things. You said you heard y fck drive away from the Pavilion J it the time she escaped. Then why ; i try the livery stables and apply .; I 'third degree to the proprietors 5 pof. The best one, I believe, is ij rlion's We're almost there.''' A II1 wager they won't tell anything," . Isyl aken," he replied. "What'll you '-I y handkerchief," she said, and - r! Id. m Parrlsh smiled, too, for he had 1 ?et returned the Queen's favor. : I iwere soon in town and stopped u ;e Harrison's stable. A hostler i'fiul, and looked hard nt Tom Par-' Par-' that younc man was winking i usly. 'ivy, did you rent a cab last night ! ill at the Pavllllon at 8?" Opc," said the man. " fe, you did. Where did it go to?" . unno." '. iicss," said Tom, nodding behind S! iiback. ems to me they was a carriage out to Golcher's place." ho was In It?" the Queen deled, de-led, finding Information so readily pcd. But she did not sec a red nhOll haWne violently. r , Hnno," said the hostler. "The I, QQ ;fs oft today." At i handed him a dollar and turned I. W tver of his machine. "Do I win?" ( S ked Isyl. " ' Q afraid you do," she admitted, be acted funny, It seems to me." . fell, then' said Tom Parrlsh. "In .. ierry days of the Round Table and r 'PlpeJlreams, when the Queen pre- da oken, like this handkerchief n- my pocket, she usually promised eness for anything, when it was ded. How about that?" , Hi find Norine Almerlc before the tjls over, and T will give you any-U any-U r.-you ask for." she said recklessly, could have bitten her tongue out ,Bt moment. Just write that down, and you'll uKtP'sn It." he said, and actually IrPlfcd a email notebook. She made -lldjR&llcious objections, but wrote the W BSnlng them, "Isyl Reglna." W- sped westward through the 'sunshine, as gay as squirrels. just before they reached the road Golcher's. they saw a white &PproachIug them, -jfcnow that mare," Isyl remarked, IMP lay Ardley's." o is he?" Tom asked i ? thtf worshipful Grand Com-Jm Com-Jm If of Ihc Knight Companions of " "den Gate when he has his white , on. And he has a foolish idea jn his own and particular prop- Se'Sfe t?2ust wlth hlm for that right," Co 5 Sir yout- "A man with a tag nc1" 0UBht lo be billing. He JO be bound our way." ?rand Commander turned Into 2u ro.ad jU8t ahea of them, and ijjy , Jown somewhat, with a ' , W intent to impede their progress. i U a narrow lane with ditches on runril"ff between aprl- '- d?', Ylih an occasional Jini Jlla shouUer and a bit of iu5 ?e scnoolmaster for a while , iiea the automobile from passing n ekf Ho took "old of the Tt R firmly aud said lo Isyl- "Do ?8S ?Hc sVV,y;C,nK tSe game 1 your j,,50108 to be the prize Berk- fiuiinl1'" sne answered. "I dou't m t VLcvo take hIs dust. Si j toh,m l SU?r.W th me' Let8 F,anyWfi;uSS.there, " of f j Commander turned also, In time to head him off. "Are you going to let us pass?" Tom inquired. "Make way for the Queen please!" The Grand Commander turned and bowed as If he had not seen them before. be-fore. "Good morning, Miss Isyl," he said, and then to ParrlBh. "I have as much right on this road as you have and if you want to pass me go ahead'" ' You look out for a rear-end collision, tnen, If you don't turn out, my friend with the pollysylllblc alias, or I'll plough you off the road!" "Push ahead!" was the answer. '"I don t intend to take any more of your Impertinence, sir. I'm sorry for you. Miss Shea, that you have to associate with a jackanapes, like this and gad about In a mechanical toy. but you seem to prefer his company to mine, and you will have to take the consequences, I suppose." And he jogged on. "That'll be about all for preliminaries." prelimi-naries." Tom Parrlsh muttered, "and 1 11 now conceal the hand of Iron bo-neath bo-neath the glove of dotrskl n. T.nnlr nut for your hind wheel'" he announced, and gave the handle a sharp twist The machine leaped forward with a Jerk and carried the light piano-box buggy several yards with it. while Isyl held to the seat in fright. The schoolmaster's school-master's horse braced doggedly on his haunches, and ihn shafts snapped. At this the mare bolted, the Grand Commander Com-mander swearing volubly nt her heels. The pair soon parted company, however, and the last seen of them was two blackish spots diminishing toward the far end of the orchard, the mare galloping gal-loping like a frolicsome cow, and the Commander in hot pursuit "It wan a Sunday newspaper kind of a Joke," Tom admitted, "and hardly the Bort of humor to appeal to the refined re-fined tastes of a Fiesta Queen: but the boat wny to conquer temptation is to yield, to it, I've found!" He tried to start the automobile again now. but Its work having been so well done, It rested. "I expect there's a reverse side to our little prank," he said to Isyl. While the Queen remained on the seat lorn pattered underneath the car with a monkeywrench, but to no avail. The rear axle was sprung out of all but a machinist's help and the chain was broken. "But wo must bet back by 1 o'clock " Isyl gasped, "otherwise there'll be no Queen! What are we going to do?" Tom rubbed his head. "Haven't you an understudy ready?" he said. "If they started with a full deck, there ought to be two queens left to take the next trick. But you'll ride through town on a float yet' Where's the nearest near-est telephone?" "There's a cabin over there In the apricots," said Isyl, pointing. "I don't know what It is but we might try there." Thoy walked Into the orchard and knocked at the door. It was opened by a young man with a pointed beard, arrayed In brown denim They explained ex-plained the shipwreck to him. "Why, I've got a line to the ranch, and they'll probably telephone a message mes-sage to the city for you." he said. "Come In." They entered the single room of tho cabin and he. rang up tho ranch for them. The proprietor promised to send for assistance. While Isyl looked about at the photographs on the walls, Tom addressed the man in denim. "See here," he said finally "haven't I seen you before? Aren't you .Tcgglns, Stanford, '9G?" "Yes, that's right. And who are vou, anyway. If you don't mind?" "Parrlsh, '97, of course. Hadn't my name and fame arisen when you joined the great majority of square heads? Think of that!" "Seems to me I did hear of the limit of freshness having been reached about that time," the stranger remarked with fraternal jest; let's see hundred yard dash, wasn't It?" "No, I'm no sprinter; the half milo Is my distance. I shaved 2:03 when I was a soph." "Did you ever hear of Parson Jones?" Jcgglns asked. "Sure; what about him?" "Why, the fact is, ho's been stopping here with me for a week or so. and last night he didn't show up, that's all. You see, I'm the foreman of this ranch and I bunk alone except when he shares my humble hearth. I'm reading law on the side Jones Is a cub preacher, and what you might call a professor of muscular Christianity. I'm afraid there's been a fight somewhere. I'm wondering if he could have been at It again?" "A scrap, and me not in It?" said Parrlsh, hungrily. "Queer kind of a clergyman," Isyl remarked, re-marked, "If you really mean that you think he has been flgrting." "Oh, I won't say that." Jcgglns explained. ex-plained. "I expect he's all over that by now. but there was a time when he wouldn't have been far away from a good battle. Remember his last fight at Wodslde?" he asked of Tom. "Remember? Why, I Invented that yarn," Tom said grinning. "It's true!" protested Jegglns. . "Don't mind him," Isyl broke in: "he's crazy. I'm treating him for It Tell me about It, won't you?" "Go ahead," Tom added. "It'll bo an hour or so before the gasoline sharp shows up with a new steam engine. I'd like to hear how the story has grown and multiplied!" And so, while Tom Parrlsh sat beside his queen on a fruit crate In the cabin Mr. Jegglns narrated THE STORY OF THE APRICOT RANCHER; OR,' LOVE MILITANT. About ten miles up the line from tho Leland Stanford, Jr., university lies the little town of Woodside, where an overworked student may forgot his cares In the joys of rural society. When rain has been plenty and crops good, the farmers of the country gather at Woodside and bring their girls. Undergraduates Under-graduates occasionally condescend to bo among those present and they arc strictly In It. A fellow may be as homely home-ly as Parrlsh here, but he fries eggs If he comes from tho university. Crosseyed Cross-eyed or slow In the head. It makes no difference If he wears a junior plug. The Venus of Woodaldc, In my time, was Nellie Hawkins. She certainly was a winner. She went through every dance in the country that year like a prairie fire, burning men up right and left. Woodside was the main olllce of her heart cracking establishment She used to drive to the danceH with her old father, who slept In the dressing-room while she twirled. When she got ready to go, she'd ring him up all rested and ready for another day's work Well, they gave a dance at Woodside Just before Thanksgiving In my freshman fresh-man year and a lot of us went. Nellie was there, of course, and looking dangerous. dan-gerous. In my young innocence I laid for her and prepared for victory or death. I got the second mazurka; then I located the third waltz; finally I pursuaded her to cut out a red-hended farmer who had the last lancers, and we sailed down the hall, the social success suc-cess of the occasion. But I rejoiced too early. Wo were whirling on "grand right and left" when I saw the red-headed yap who owned that dance making for our corner of the hall. I got to Nellie just then; wo stopped and swung to our place. "You see that fellow." she said to me. "I do," said I, "who Is he?" "He thinks he's my steady," she says, "but I ain't so sure. There are others." Then she turned her azure beads on me and I perished with joy. Just then the farmer got there. Ho didn't say a word to her, but he Xelt of my arm. "Look here, young fellow," he says, "I'd like to see you outside after this dance." "You ain't afraid, are you?" she says when he had sloped. Well, I was. A man with the ague would have seemed like a marble statue stat-ue alongside of me. But her asking that way settled my nerve. 1 was ready to die game. I went outside with the fellows fel-lows to see fair play and we mixed. I always maintained that I hit him once; but It must be vanity, for no one else saw me score. The red-headed yap was a cyclone on ball-bearings. He mauled me until his native mercy asserted as-serted ltBelf. Excuse me if I drop the veil. The light and gnycty went out of the occasion for me, when I was getting get-ting my coat. She didn't say anything; she just stood off and gavo'mo the silvery sil-very ha-ha. It was a harsh night for little Edward. I was only a freshman then and I re-alizo re-alizo now with a chastened sense that I deserved to be licked. But It everlastingly ever-lastingly got to me at the time. So, for personal vengeance and the glory of the college T collaborated with the composite freshman Intellect and we struck a scheme. It Involved Parson Jones. Besides being the greatest bucking fullback ever, Jones had the pulpit fever, fe-ver, and was studying for the ministry. No one ever saw how he could play football. foot-ball. He looked meek and serious, and he was stoop-shouldered and not very big. His muscle didn't show much through his clothes. His. chief trouble about football was that he would naturally sail In and light If the other fellow played dirty ball, and this used to bother him a lot. One time In a match game, he went up to the referee after the first half and said: "See here, 'you'd better rule me off the gridiron. I struck that quarterback without provocation." But the referee only said: "I didn't see It, you get back to your position." There was one year he s.wore he would not play at all. Ho said that he could not keep his temper, once It got started, and he ought to avoid temptation If he ever expected to preach. It took the whole college to get him Into the eleven again. But we had to keep good watch on him. because we knew that If he ever got started to slugging In a practice game ho would pull out for the season. The second team wont In that year, with Instructions to run away if Jones started to fight. To resume. We knew that the Parson Par-son would do the trick for us. If we could ever drag him up to Woodside and turn hlm loose on the red-headed farmer. But It took considerable scheming to bring It off. The Committee Commit-tee of Investigation found, however, that there was going to be the biggest time of the year at Woodside on Cthflstmas eve and that the Parson wasn't going home before the holidays. So wc sent "Bug" Rey to pursuade him. The dancing was at the critical point, but the Bug told him that If he was going to preach to the fnrmora he ought to meet them In their hour of recreation. The Parson said that he was not opposed op-posed to dancing In general, though he didn't think It seemly for the clergy, and as It appeared to be Innocent and respectable, he promised to attend the entertainment. We got there a little late; things were going full blast. After a preliminary scout, we put the Parson up against Nell Hawkins and left him spieling to hr. Right here was where the Steering committee got In Its keen work. We butted In and made ourselves agreeable. j We peeled off our haughty air and mixed. Our team work was perfect. Each one of us had nailed a man In Nell's string and edged him off, intcr- ferlng to give tho Parson a chance. I had the red-headed farmer; that hurt some, but I seen my duty and I done it. Wo got real friendly, darn him! By and by I ran him off with the Bug to have a drink, while I went back to take ,a look: Say. the Parson was all right. Ho had that girl hypnotized. He was sitting sit-ting on the bench beside her manufacturing manufac-turing serious rhetoric, and she was lamping him as though he were the only one within two hundred and ten miles. She had sat out two dances "with him. If the Parson can preach "the way he ran con. he'll be a regular Henry Ward Beecher. I Judged that the time had I'ome for the event of the evening, and I signalled out of the window for tho Bug to trot In the victim. You couldn't guess what that budding preacher was doing before they got back! We.ll, there was a bunch of mistletoe mis-tletoe In a sort of entry outside the hall. The rustics had been doing thir uncouth gambols under It all the evening. even-ing. Nell sidled outside, pretending that she wanted air and stood there looking Inviting. Honest, I didn't think that Parson would kiss her. but she was a sure enough temptation for any man. She was a beaut. "Now you stop!" she says, and Just then the farmer got Into the field of vision. I won't repeat the yap's comment, but it was not pretty. The Parson stood off and looked meek. Nell giggled. "You little runt," says the farmer, "I won't bother to smash you, but I'm going lo Just naturally shake the innards in-nards out of you!" I could see the Parson's back begin be-gin to come up. I knew ho was wrestling wrest-ling with temptation, but all he said was: "You'd better not touch me, sir!" Tho farmer smiled, and ducked his head as though he making a low j tackle and bumped Into the Parson. I caught him low by the, waist around i both arms. Then he proceeded to shake ' him, the way u terrier shakes a rat. He was twice as big and strong as our man, und I began to hae mo serious doots. The Parson had no chance to exhibit his nerve and science In that style of lighting. But it did one good thing, though It got him blazing, foaming mad. The farmer finished his shake and then started to let go und then, Lord love us! you would have cried with joy to see the fireworks. Parson put the heel of his fist Into that yap's chin and broke that cinch hold lo Winders. The next thing that happened, our red-hended red-hended friend went up In the air and down like a rocket, with mo yelling my head loos in a rner. Tho farmer got up like a rubber b ill though, anil rushed after Parson, and that was what V' wanted. Our man stood off and Bhot 'em In. heavy and hard, one swipe after another. But the farmer was game, and a glutton for punishment. He was In love with the girl and she was watching, watch-ing, chewing her handkerchief to bits. The farmer stood for It till he saw about sixteen Parsons, and then wo pried 'cm apart. You ought to have viewed the remains! What d'you think Nell Hawkins did? In the classic annals of the Eternal Feminine, she's always supposed to tag the victor and elope wllh the Mlght-makcr-Rlght proposition, but Instead, Nell Jumped for the loser. "Oh, George! arc you hurt?" she says, and she weit to crying over him until her sleepy old father woke up, and came out of the dressing-room to Investigate. It was intruding upon a family party lo stay, so we pulled out from motives of delicacy and a desire to celebrate. The Parson didn't say anything for a long time. After a while he put his hand to his eye, which wus damaged some, and said: "I've been fighting again!" "You have." says the Bug, "and It was the greatest since Marathon!" "And I have behaved Improperly with a woman, and you fellows led me Into temptation. And T was to prch tomorrow, to-morrow, too!" So he was; his first Christmas sermon, at a little country church four or five miles from Wood-side. Wood-side. - , , "What was the text?" the Bug asked him. " 'Peace on earth' and so forth? "Yes," says the Parson. "Change It to something like Whatsoever What-soever thy right hand findeth to do, do It with thy might,' " said the Bug. But the Parson only looked kind of reproachful and refused to Join our festivity. fes-tivity. He got some other embryo preacher to do his Christmas turn for hlm. and he was never quite the same to us afterward. The only drag on our big celebration, after we got home, was the absence of the star performer. Nell Hawkins married the red-headed farmer, and may the Lord have mercj on their souls. She sent us all Invitations, Invita-tions, too. tickets with her card In-closed-name written fancy by a Spen-rerlan Spen-rerlan expert under a Hap with a bouquet bou-quet and two clasped hands labeled "Friendship's Offering," printed In purple pur-ple and green the kind you get by mall from Augusta. Me., with the latest popular pop-ular songs, a complete guide to courtship, court-ship, and a rolled gold ring, all for ten cents And when we showed up at the ceremony, darned if Parson Jones was not the referee. He was ordained by that time, but they had sent for him, all the way to Sacramento, where he was preaching for S400 a year. When It was over the farmer tried to crowd a twenty onto Parson Jones, but he wouldn't have it. "No fee, please," he says; "I have been well paid. I used to like to fight before I conquered the old Adam In me. and I got my last good one out of you. It was wicked, but I enjoyed It as I have never enjoyed en-joyed anything before or since. But If i you hud only held on when you had me I going," he added, dropping his voice so , the rest wasn't heard, "I wouldn't bo here to tell the tale. Never give the 1 other man a chance to get at you at I long range, unless you're sure of him, and I hope that you two will be happy 1 In wedlock and walk In the ways of righteousness nil your days." No. Parson Jones wouldn't take a fee for that hitching, though I guess he needed the morey pretty fierce. But he got back at 'em about a year later. The Parson always charges the regular i union rate for christenings $5 a dip. |