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Show iiLMiJ Cyclops Lighter Side By Bryan Gray Do something exotic to start the new year My friends at Butler's Travel Station in Clearfield were calling call-ing me with some serious advise. "It's a new year coming up," they said, "and you should make a New Year's Resolution to travel to far and distant places. ..Do something real exotic." "I do," I answered. "I put lime wedges in my Cokes." "But that's the problem. You've got to shake that conservatism. conservat-ism. Take a trip of a lifetime." "I did last year. I drove to Wendover." "We remember that," they sighed. "And we remember when you asked about traveling to a secluded beach." "Oh, yes. I enjoyed those two hours on Antelope Island. It was great except for the flies." "Well, we have something much better for you in 1987, Mr. Cyclops. You will be in the forefront of the travel industry. We have two excellent ideas for you and your wife. Are you ready to become exotic?" "You bet! Where shall I go?" "How about under water?" "That's nice. I knew the Layton Wave Pool was open..." "No. No. No. We're suggesting that you vacation in the Jules Undersea Lodge. We'll fly you to Key Largo, Florida, then take you to an underwater hotel in the Bora Bora Lagoon. The hotel is five fathoms under the Atlantic Ocean and is a completely refurbished Holiday Inn. You'll have 600 square feet of living space with two bedroom suites and a dining and entertainment chamber. Between the two chambers you'll have a dive-port room so you can swim out of your hotel and wiggle around amongst the coral. It's a great get-away. Since you're totally underwater, no one will bother you." "And what do I do for food? Swimming makes me hungry." "I suppose you could spear some fish. But the price includes Holiday Inn mermaids swimming down to serve you your meals." "No mermaids, please. My wife will be with me." The travel agents laughed. "You'll love it, Mr. Cyclops. How many of your friends can say they've stayed at an underwater hotel?" "You've got a good point," I replied. "How much is it to stay at Jules Undersea Lodge?" "We have a special introductory price. You and your wife can have the whole place for only $1,500 per day-and Holiday Inn will provide you free soap." "Wonderful. But how about something a little less expensive?" expen-sive?" ' 'Then how about our second suggestion? We have a vacation in Jamaica at the Eden II resort. According to the brochure, Eden II is open only to couples who are treated as the very special lovers they are, given the attention they deserve and allowed to get away from the distractions of everyday life. The brochure calls it the Pathway of Temptation." "That sounds to me like a nude beach." "It is, they snickered. "It's a paradise for couples only. Of course, you could wear clothes if you wanted." "Oh, I would. I don't want people to laugh." "But you'd be there alone with your wife, Mr. Cyclops." "Right! And she'd laugh. A nude beach would be great for Arnold Schwarzeneggar-but not for me." "But it's a chance for a romantic vacation." "Why be romantic? I'm married." "Then where would you like to travel this year, Mr. Cyclops?" Cyc-lops?" A spot inhabited by natives who have strange, exotic ideas. A place that is generally isolated from the rest of the world. A place where I can relax and not worry about communicating with intelligent beings." "Excellent," said the travel agent. "And where can we arrange your accommodations?" "At the State Capitol." |